In dedication to Phil
My husband, Phil Baldwin, died suddenly and unexpectedly in spring 2024 aged 44 from an undiagnosed heart condition. He'd been in complete good health. Our children, Ben and Fern, were 6 and 4.
Phil was the kindest-hearted person you could ever hope to meet.
On this page I want to give you an insight to what an incredible human he was, our beautiful relationship and the role he played in the development of Nature Studio.
How our love story started
My best friend from school, Sophie, had gone on to manage a bar in Cambridge in her mid 20s, and employed Phil as her deputy manager. They became firm friends, and by the time she (and I) turned 30, she was living in a flat share in London with Phil and another friend.
Remarkably for London, they had a spare room, and Soph offered it to me when I was exhibiting at Chelsea Flower Show and needed somewhere to stay.
I was married at the time. Though I was deeply unhappy, I was also desperately loyal so did not look at other men romantically. But I got to know Phil over Chelsea week and remember being blown away by his openness and kindness.
He made me, and everyone else he met, feel safe to be themselves.
One evening he told me a tale of all his previous relationship disasters. Before thinking, the words came tumbling out of my mouth: ‘Well if I wasn’t married, I’d marry you’. I blushed. Phil thought to himself ‘Well you are’ and that was that.
When I got home, I recounted what I’d said to my close friend Jess, surprised and a bit ashamed of having said that to someone.
Phil in his detective's suit at the time of the London Olympics, with my painting behind him.
Phil the soulmate
I’m not sure what I make of ideas of destiny, but it does feel like a part of me knew Phil and I were destined to be together.
When, a year later, I finally left my ex husband after many years of emotional abuse, I felt enormous relief and a return to my core self.
A short time later, I went to visit Soph in London (of course, hoping to see Phil too).
By then, he was working as a detective in the police. His police work meant he honed his skills in managing people and situations. Qualities which also came in pretty handy the day I went to visit.
The evening before I was due to visit Soph, I sent him a message saying I’d be there tomorrow morning and would he be around. He replied casually that he’d be around, yes.
Little did I know, at that exact moment, he was in fact 60 miles away visiting friends, and - as he would put it - had 'had a few shandies'. He’d been planning to stay there, but our exchange of messages meant his plans instantly changed and he scrambled to get back to London as fast as he could.
Except...
The trains weren’t running that night. There was only a replacement bus service and it ended on the outskirts of London, too late for him to catch a tube. But, showing his unstoppable mindset, and taking charge in his positive way once again, he led the other passengers to hold a sit-in on the bus. The goal was to get the bemused driver to take them further into central London so that he could make it back in time to see me the next morning.
It worked, he made it. I asked him for one of his legendary hugs, and our love story started from there.
Here we are in early 2012, soon after we got together
From that moment on we considered ourselves each other's soulmates, sharing our hearts fully with each other, and teammates whose complementary skills and abilities made life so much more easy and fun.
Phil the hero
It wasn’t just my life Phil brought sunshine to. From the day he welcomed his little brother into the world at just five years old, Phil displayed a depth of love and kindness for others that’s rare to see in this world. His baby brother was born with Down’s Syndrome, and Phil instantly adored him and felt he wanted to protect and care for him as they grew up.
In Phil’s teens, he used that same caring kindness when he worked on summer play schemes for children with disabilities. And as a young man in his 20s, he went on to become a youth worker for young people with disabilities and children in the care system, doing everything he could to make the world feel a better place for them.
When he was aged 30 Phil went on to become a police officer, and then a detective, for the Metropolitan police in London. His strong empathy skills and deeply caring nature led him to specialise in domestic abuse work and child protection. Phil helped bring many vulnerable adults and children to safety, and this compassionate man helped to restore their faith in humankind. He received countless thank you cards saying so.
Here's Phil early in his police career
Outside of his work, Phil was known as a hero. If he knew someone needed help, he’d be there. Whether it was lending a listening ear, giving advice, helping you redecorate your house or anything in between, if there was something he knew he could help you with, he would. Without hesitation. Friend, neighbour, family, or stranger in the street. He was Superman without a cloak.
After Phil died, I received letters from lots of parents at the children’s school, including from some parents who we didn’t really know. They described how Phil would turn their mornings around with a kind friendly word and some practical help, like carrying a bag for them. That’s who he was.
Because he knew what life is really all about - the sharing of love.
Phil the proud partner videoing a feature on US television about my artwork.
Phil the teammate
Phil was so hugely supportive of my career, and was always in my corner, lifting me up, believing in my abilities and encouraging me to follow my ambitions.
In 2009, years before Phil and I got together, I’d been asked by the publisher Search Press to write a book detailing my watercolour technique. At that time, I’d not felt able to take it forward because I was in a toxic marriage that was draining my energy. But by the time I was with Phil in 2011 he encouraged me to go for it so I did.
He often accompanied me when I went out teaching workshops and exhibiting. As he was physically strong, he relished helping me set up at exhibitions, carrying paintings and heavy boxes to and from the car.
In January 2014 came the launch of my online school. Phil’s endless belief in my potential as a teacher and coach was a big factor in me getting it started. Six months later in June 2014, we got married.
Us on our wedding day. Naturally Dexter had to share the limelight
Phil the believer in you and in me
In 2015, just 18 months later, my online school had grown to the stage it was getting too much to manage on my own. Phil and I made such a great team, and he saw so much potential in my ability to help you enrich your life through developing your artistic practice.
I had firsthand experience of the immense wellbeing benefits of painting, and of connecting with nature in meaningful ways. We were hearing it from a lot of school members too. There was more and more research coming out around the topic. And to top it off, members were getting incredible results from my tutorials. We were excited by the opportunity we had to bring more sunshine into your world.
So Phil turned his focus to you.
He wanted to help me find you and help you to nurture your own creative practice so that your life could be brighter too.
Although it's been me you've seen on camera, Phil's always been nearby and bringing his positive, upbeat energy to filming sessions
He got 100% behind me and quit his job in the police to work in the online school full time. When he took the administrative and financial tasks off my hands, it enabled my creativity to flow so much more freely. Phil was also a highly creative thinker and many of his brilliant ideas are woven through the school (Nature Studio). He was always having ideas for new areas of the website and new content for members.
Phil wanted for you what he wanted for me: a joyful, colourful life.
And he poured so much of his energy into making that possible.
We were serious about our ambitions, but working together was also really fun! Every day he brought love, laughter and lots of cups of tea.
And of course, he used his energy to keep Dexter entertained
Phil the artist
Though he devoted his career to your and my growth as artists, there is an irony to this story.
Whenever he got the opportunity, Phil loved to tell people how, out of the two of us, it was him who had pursued art at college. He’d done an art foundation course followed by a university degree in animation.
This was just prior to the digital revolution in animation and consisted of him spending 3 years developing the most incredible drawing skills.
It’s a regret that I don’t seem to have many of these drawings, including the frequent mini-masterpieces he would do for the children (he could sketch out a perfect ‘horse’ or ‘cow’ or pig’ or ‘frog’ or ‘person’ without even needing a reference photo).
He loved to sketch. Here's one he drew of a character called 'Protector':
'Protector' sketched by Phil
Phil the super-parent
Part of the decision for Phil to work with me in the business was to give me the opportunity to relax a bit more. By then we were waiting to do IVF as we’d been struggling to conceive naturally.
In 2016 he held my hand at every IVF appointment and in 2017 we welcomed Ben into the world. Phil and I were ecstatic.
Then in 2018, despite having been told we’d need to do IVF again for a second child, I got pregnant with Fern naturally and she arrived in May 2019.
Having such a small age gap (20 months) was hard work, but Phil put his all into it and was always making them giggle.
His Happy-Go-Lucky, childlike, positive energy was infectious.
Phil the climbing frame
As a father, he was extraordinary. These core parts of him shone. Phil was playful, positive, patient, loving and kind - and never ran out of energy. I am beyond devastated that Ben and Fern do not get any longer with him.
But I can also find gratitude that his kindness in their formative years has, as the word implies, actually formed them. Phil’s incredible parenting has already played a huge part in shaping who they are, and who they’ll become.
As one of their teachers described it:
‘Phil was always very kind to all the children at school, especially those who needed a little bit of extra support. Both Ben and Fern are the same - always there for others.’
Happy-Go-Lucky Phil, making every moment fun
When it came to childcare, especially when Ben and Fern were very young, Phil was more than happy to take the lead in order to allow me to write my second book, work on content for Nature Studio, and of course, paint.
He was so good at being a daddy. A complete natural.
And he never once lost his patience. I mean never.
Phil’s positive energy brought fun and sunshine to every day. Even the grey and drizzly ones. He just instinctively knew how to lift peoples spirits and raise smiles and laughter. It was a real gift.
A child at heart himself, Phil never tired of playing games with the children.
One favourite was ‘tickle-crab’, where Ben and Fern would shriek with delight as they all ran around trying not to be caught and tickled by sideways-moving daddy. In the playground, their friends would see them having so much fun that they’d join in too.
He had zero inhibitions when it came to doing anything that would entertain the children. He’d sing silly songs, and encourage other Dads to do cartwheels with him.
His exuberance could make his and his friends' children giggle like no one else.
Phil the optimist (and writer)
So far this is a very sad story. And as I write this, only 6 months on from his death, the sadness is still very much at the fore for me.
I will always wish we had much more time with Phil and that he’d been able to parent the children for a lot longer.
But as I feel the grief and allow those painful feelings to flow through me, I also feel a lot of gratitude arise for the almost 13 years we had together.
There’s a line from Phil’s favourite poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann which keeps running through my mind:
'Despite the sham, drudgery and broken dreams
It is still a beautiful world'
These words speak of Phil’s infectious optimism and positivity. I know wholeheartedly that he would want me to embrace my own life going forwards and to be an example of that to our children.
To seek out and experience the beauty in this world and to continue to risk loss for love.
At the age of 23, Phil wrote a poem which we read at his funeral:
Unreasonable Happiness by Phil Baldwin
Unreasonable happiness is:
To smile at the light on the branches because you realise there is beauty everywhere in the world.
And most people just don’t have time to see it.
To stop on a busy street because you know every second is immaculate, it is different from the coming and the gone.
And most people spend every second waiting for the next.
To meet everyone with a smile and a kiss, because you know that most people are just passing through each other's lives, but occasionally you will be privileged enough to find and keep amazing people in yours.
To be broken in two, because if an emotion that strong can exist then the same must be true of the opposite
And most people are not willing to place their soul on the altar of another.
To know you have been irreversibly changed by the scars on your heart because the warm elementals in your soul are from the same incidents
And most people are afraid to collapse their defences.
To be totally alone and just sit back and enjoy the company because you are already at peace with the fact that you are not perfect but somehow that’s what makes life perfect.
And most people are afraid to start reading their unopened book.
Phil had continued to write through his adult life, mainly fiction stories. None were completely finished, parenthood greatly restricted his free time to write.
But I plan to employ a ghost writer at some point to complete his near-finished novel.
I will love and miss Phil the rest of my life, AND as much as the path I'm now on is not what I would choose, I know my life has to go on and I will also experience joy and love and happier times.
Mindful painting and sketching has been a godsend.
Every time something major has happened in my life, my paintbrushes have given me comfort and refuge. I feel grateful to have this soothing constant and outlet, and it’s something I feel that everybody would benefit from having in their lives.
Supporting heart research charities in Phil’s memory
There are fantastic heart charities out there who are working hard to carry out cutting edge research in order to prevent more families from going through this kind of catastrophe.
To support their efforts, a % of revenues from Nature Studio membership fees will go to the British Heart Foundation and the American Heart Association. These world-leading organisations publish their research openly so those in other countries can benefit too.
If you’d also like to make a donation to one of these charities in memorial of Phil, I’d be honored.
You can donate via the Just Giving links we’ve set up below. (Donations can be made in 5 currencies: British pounds, US dollars, Canadian dollars, Australian dollars, and Euros). If you’re able to support them, thank you.
'Help us fund the next breakthrough. Future treatments and cures for heart and circulatory conditions are closer than ever. Support us to fund more lifesaving research'.
'Your donation is critical to lifesaving initiatives that improve blood pressure outcomes in at-risk communities, empower people to take control of their health and more.'
Thank you for taking the time to read this page and get to know Phil.
If you feel you’d like to leave some words, the best way is to leave a comment on the blog post where I’ve written about what happened to him.
With so much love,
A few more happy memories to share with you x
