A brokenhearted personal update
Dearest reader of my emails, student of my classes, member of my treasured community of creative, sensitive souls.
I need to tell you some extremely sad personal news I’m only now ready to share.
My heart has been broken.
***WARNING: The news I’m about to share with you includes details of an upsetting event. If you’ve experienced grief or trauma, or if you’re of a sensitive disposition, you might find this distressing to read.***
In April of this year, my beloved husband Phil, my soulmate and teammate, devoted father to my two young children, died.
The man who showed me so much love and support every day. Whose endless belief in my skills and abilities encouraged and helped me to share them with you.
He died.
His heart just stopped beating. There was no prior warning. He was 44.
Phil was strong, fit and healthy. He mountain biked. He was a generous, full-of-life, energetic man always up for fun & laughter.
That morning was a traumatic experience, the likes of which I hope I never have to endure again.
It was early and the alarm was going off. I thought he was sleeping through it, so I attempted to rouse him. But when I turned him over, he was cold. There was no colour in his face, and he was very obviously gone. Our wonderful children (aged 4 and 6) were right there. I did CPR on him for 15 minutes waiting for the ambulance, trying to shield the children from what was happening. Thank goodness, neither of them saw daddy’s face.
But Phil was gone.
And that was the end of life as we knew it.
The cause was a cardiac arrest as a result of a cardiac arrhythmia – an underlying undiagnosed heart condition.
Why it hadn’t happened as he mountain biked up to the top of our local hill the week before, I’ll never know. And I’ll forever be grateful it didn’t happen the day before, when he drove our children for 4 hours on the motorway visiting his parents (he still had his characteristic energy that evening despite the long drive).
Getting through these past months has been my biggest ever challenge.
I used to think that having survived a horrible first marriage and thyroid cancer in my 20s, then going through IVF with Phil in my 30s, had given me enough challenges for my 43 years. But now I realise it was all just training for this.
My massive grief.
Instant single-parenthood. Single parenthood is really hard.
Being a rock for grieving children who don’t want to see mummy crying.
My world changing forever, in an instant.
It has been completely disorienting. At some points it literally felt like the ground beneath my feet was shifting and I couldn’t get a foot on solid ground.
(By the way, if you’re wondering how I’ve managed to keep writing to you since this happened, I want to acknowledge the role of my small but supportive team in sending out my emails and videos. Most of them I’d prepped before – thankfully I was well ahead with recording classes and writing emails – and for some others, the team helped me to find the words I wanted to say).
The layers of loss pile on top of one another and it’s been hard to catch my breath.
My children have lost their loving, kind, playful, funny dad.
I’ve lost my soulmate and teammate, best friend, business partner and co-parenting hero.
I have lost the future Phil and I had planned together.
My heart has been broken.
And what do we do next when our heart has been broken?
We have to feel into the hurt and the pain.
It’s the only way to gradually stitch our heart back together. There’s no way around it. Through is the only way. Instinctively we recoil from pain. Many of us have been conditioned to do our best to avoid it.
But to avoid pain you can only numb. And by numbing pain, you also numb joy. You numb your ability to experience beauty. You numb your creativity.
I know Phil would not want that for me. He wanted a joyful life for me. He told me all the time.
So I have to cry.
Cry a river. Remember him, think of him often, talk about him. Cry. Do positive things in his name. Cry.
Phil was one of the kindest people you could ever meet.
He possessed an incredible warmth & an ability to put people at ease. Wherever he went, Phil made friends. He wanted to make your day better.
Your problem would be his problem, and he’d do anything he could to help you sort it. Parents in the school playground loved him. Delivery drivers coming to the house asked after him. And whenever he went into any store, he made it his mission to make the person on the checkout smile. He never failed.
Part of what made Phil such a warm and caring person was the very special bond he had with his brother. When Phil was five years old, his younger brother, who has Downs Syndrome, was born. Phil adored his brother, and helped to look after him as he grew up.
Big hearted Phil had plenty more kindness and affection to share around.
When he was a university student studying animation, he’d spend the summer holidays working on play schemes for children with learning disabilities. In his twenties, he worked as a Youth Support Worker, trying to make the world feel like a happier place for troubled children from the care system, and children with disabilities.
He had so many special gifts.
Phil’s kind-hearted spirit really was a superpower.
He went on to put it into practice as a police detective where he looked after the most vulnerable people in society. Specialising in domestic violence and then child protection work, he was able to use his kind and empathic personal skills to help victims reach safety and restore their faith in humankind.
He received countless thank-you letters from people he’d helped over the years. His colleague reflected: ‘Phil was a peace keeper, he was calm in a crisis & the epitome of what a police officer should be – open minded, honest, level headed, empathetic, kind & sensitive. Phil made every one of us feel safe, whatever gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or age.’
You may not have known him in person, but Phil cared about you too.
Wanting to help you experience more joy in your life, and knowing what profound wellbeing benefits painting can bring, Phil was passionate about helping me reach you, and as many sensitive souls like you as possible, with my teaching. He supported me to set up Nature Studio ten years ago. It wasn’t long until it became a full time job for us both and Phil left the police to work with me in our passion project.
Behind the scenes, Phil brought so much to Nature Studio. He was a creative, strategic thinker who was always happy to roll up his sleeves and turn his hand to anything.
Although I’ve been the one you’ve seen on camera, Phil’s never been far away.
Just out of shot. Helping. Telling me I’m doing great. Making suggestions. Making me smile. Making drinks. Being kind.
As time went by, we were able to welcome more members onto our little team. Something I’m extremely grateful for is the way we’ve all worked so closely together over the past few years. The way we work dynamically and the systems we’ve created have meant the team have been able to seamlessly take on Phil’s responsibilities within the business.
You can read more about the very special person Phil was, and about our relationship, on this Dedication page I’ve written in his memory. There you’ll also learn how out of the two of us, it was actually Phil who pursued art at college…
I need to live the rest of my life as a love letter to Phil.
I need to raise his children to be openhearted, courageous, loving and kind, just as he was. He’d done so much towards that already.
They are doing really well. If mummy is doing OK, they are.
Their young age is protective that way. I will do all I can to encourage them to express their grief at a timescale and in ways they are comfortable with. Being a single mum is hard and I don’t have paid help (except for cleaners thank goodness) but I do have good friends and family.
Part of raising our children to be courageous and kind is for me to model to them following my passion.
For me that means continuing to make videos to inspire and teach you.
Nature Studio was mine and Phil’s collective passion project and it continues to bring me personal meaning and a deep satisfaction to create with you and for you. Now that I’m carrying both Phil’s and my own passion for Nature Studio, my devotion has doubled – which I wouldn’t have imagined could be possible.
I got back in the filming studio last month which, besides coming down with a cold, felt really good.
If you’ve experienced grief or hard times too, you’ll hopefully know that dipping into the flow and joy of painting can be a lifeline.
Literally giving your mind a break, doing something for yourself, being mindful and focusing on the moment in front of you on the paper.
It’s just what the doctor, or grief counsellor, ordered.
Experienced grief counsellor Alan Wolfelt suggests, in ‘When your Soulmate Dies’, that grievers commit to heroic self-care which includes engaging in cognitive tasks that provide energy, entertainment or solace. I find painting does all 3.
“It is still a beautiful world”
I feel deep gratitude that I have painting as a form of mindfulness and a way of being in the moment, feeling nature’s beauty. Connecting with nature through painting has helped me to heal in the past and I have no doubt that it’s helping me now. Even when, at first, I didn’t feel ready to pick up a paintbrush.
Just observing things in nature and noticing their details can be enough.
Lines from Phil’s favourite poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann have been resonating in my head and heart a lot. Especially when I’m tuning in to nature’s sights and sounds.
‘Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy’.
Thank you, dear friend, for taking the time to read my update. It truly means so much to me that you’re here through the sunshine and the storms.
I hope you can understand that I’ve needed this time to privately come to terms with what’s happened before feeling I could share the news.
If you’ve known loss, and in the end that’s all of us, I would welcome hearing your story in the comments. (Honestly, I don’t think I’ll feel able to respond fully to comments right now but I’ll be reading them).
I’d also welcome hearing whether you’ve found your way back to creating and whether that’s been useful to you in your process of stitching back together your broken heart. Forever scarred, but healing stronger.
To happier times,
P.S. If something positive can come from this, I hope it’s that I can shine a light on the world-leading heart research charities who are working hard to avoid this sort of catastrophe happening to other families.
Ongoing, a percentage of revenue from Nature Studio membership will be donated to support the research of the British Heart Foundation and the American Heart Association.
If you would like to make a donation to support their efforts in memory of Phil, I would be honoured.
You can donate via the Just Giving links we’ve set up for the British Heart Foundation and American Heart Association.
(Donations can be made in 5 currencies: British pounds, US dollars, Canadian dollars, Australian dollars, and Euros).
To make a donation through Just Giving, you can click on either logo below:
If you’re able to support one of them, thank you.
What a beautiful tribute, thank you for sharing what a wonderful man Phil was. So sorry for your loss. Lots of love to you and your children.
Anna I am so very sorry for this devastating loss. I will be praying for strength and healing for you and your children. It certainly sounds like he was a wonderful husband, friend and father. May God bless you all as you carry on. Thankyou for sharing this beautiful tribute.
My heart aches for you, your precious children and families and friends❤️.
Your tribute of Phil is so so very beautiful, what a wonderful man he was!
My prayers are with each of you as you grieve the seasons of changes, the ups and downs, that loss brings.
And prayers for continuing strength and comfort.
Thankyou kindly for being so transparent in sharing your heart.
Blessings, Leona
Thank you x
Thank you Donna x
My dear dear Anna
Deeply saddened to learn about Phil’s sudden demise.
I read your dedication to Phil, was hugely moved.
The love I saw in all your family photos, I see what a wonderful husband, & dad Phil was.
One never stops missing a lost loved one, but I hope & pray loving Ben & Fern
the family will continue the laughter, the joy, the gentleness you had with Phil.
With sincere condolences
Panna Multani
A very beautiful tribute – you are in my thoughts and prayers. The love you have shines through your work. Thank you for sharing with people all over the world.
Thank you Jan x
Thank you Panna for your thoughtful words x
You are a strong woman Anna. You have been dealt a profound loss and you still standing. That is something. Thank you for sharing your story. I was greatly moved. I offer my condolences and wish you and your beautiful children all the best.
Thank you so much Christine x
Anna
Te envío un abrazo solidario de todo corazón.
Que Dios y tus hijos te den la fortaleza que necesitas.
Gracias Clara x
Thank you for sharing your loss and journey. You put into words so many things I have been unable to express since the loss of my dad a year ago. For months I was numb, I gradually started to paint again. My paintings are different now. There is depth that wasn’t there before. May God bless you and yours at this time and may you again find joy.
Thank you for your words Lianne. I’m so sorry to read about you losing your dad. I’m glad you came back to painting. It’s beautiful to know that a new depth is coming out through your art. Take care x
Really sorry for your loss.
Anna. My thoughts and prayers
are with you and your family.
God bless you.
Thank you so much Bernadette
Dear Anna,
I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Your post was beautiful and poignant and painful. I began Nature’s Studio back in 2019 right after a bilateral mastectomy and the loss of my nephew. I experience painting just as you describe it, and find it both meditative and healing. You are such a gifted teacher along with the team that brings the Nature’s Studio to life. I retired as a Comfort Care Home Director for the Terminally Ill, and I can also tell you and all who grieve are all on their own healing journey. Your ideas of extreme self care for yourself and your beloved children are absolutely the keys to healing. Acknowledging your feelings and walking through the grief if also so incredibly healthy for you. I am so sorry that you are going through this, but know you have an entire community that you have created, along with your friends and family, that care deeply and are praying and sending you the positive energy we possibly can. It was so very brave of you to be so vulnerable. Undoubtedly your candor and the love you have for Phil is helping others you can’t possibly comprehend. Blessings and Healing to you.
Thank you Terry for your touching words. I’m sorry you’ve been through such a tough time. I’m glad painting is a meditative and healing outlet for you and that you’re a part of this community xx
A very tight embrace Anna. So sorry for loosing your soul mate. Yes cry cry cry. Continue to feel, to love, to be open. That’s how he wants you to go on.
Prayers for Phil, you and your family.
Thank you for your kind words Grace x
So sorry for your loss.
I can’t even imagine what you must be going through.
Beautiful tribute to your husband. I feel like I know him a little now.
Lots of love and positive vibes for you all, all the way from Pakistan! 💕
Thank you for your kind words Ruth x
Your intimate sharing touched my heart! May all the sweetest and fondest memories you hold dearest serve as blessings to you moving forward. Unfortunately I am familiar with this heartbreaking story and I offer you my deepest condolences. Thank you for bravely sharing.
With fondest regards, karen
I’m sorry to read this is a familiar story for you Karen. Thank you for your message x
I am so very sorry Anna. Such sad news.
Dear Anna
So so sorry to hear your sad news. I can’t imagine the pain you are all going through. Thank you for all you do, it is very therapeutic and very valued.
Sending lots of love and a big hug Xx
Anna, thank you for truthfully shareing such a deep love story with humbleness. Love for your husband, love for your children, for everyone around you and now for you. Thru your love of painting and sharing your anazing skills, you will now start a journey of healing. Step by step, no rush, you, your brush, your love.
I have experienced many losses but not quiet as your. Your husband passed on the best place he could have, next to you, the children and at home. Thru your journey I pray that you realize Phil is not gone. He left this life but you can meet again as God has promissed Eternal Life. Rest assure that God never lies. I appreciate so much been part of the ones one trust. Yes, paint heals, I am a witness to that. Sometimes I think that only our paint brushes can count the number of our tears, that not even ourselves ever could. Paint my friend, continue to share, to love and to live. May God bless every stroke, every line, every breath, every smile that will continue to pour from your soul, slowly at first but surely moving freely and more beautiful every day…
Anna, you bring light into the world…so shine!!!
Dearest Anna,
There are no words that are adequate.
Your Phil is a light that will continue to shine in the world. There is an Inuit saying:
“Perhaps they are not stars,
but rather an opening in heaven
where the love of our lost ones
pours through & shines down
upon us to let us know
they are happy.”
This saying gave me a little peace when I lost my Dad,
and perhaps this is something you could say to your children
to give them a little solace. I think of it every time I see stars in the sky.
You asked if being creative helped us with grief. In my case, it certainly has.
Your grief will be one step forward and two steps back. Breathe, be kind to yourself., and know that you are loved by many.
With much love,
Sue in Canada
Thank you Sue. That is a beautiful saying x
Ohh Anna. I am reading your post and for me it has triggertes so many emotions… Because our family experienced the same thing just 5 years ago this past summer. Our daughter lost her husband in a tragic work place accident. He worked in film in Toronto, doing special effects. In fact he had ties to a snow making company in the UK. He went to work and there was an accident on set and he was instantly killed at 44, leaving my daughter and their 2 boys, ages 6 & 4.. The similarites are so close to home.. I feel for you and know that the road ahead will be hard., but somehow you’ll find the strength to move on. All that I can say is that he waves of grief will be very strong in the beginning for each of you. I could go on and on. You’ll get through holidays, birthdays, etc. you’ll make new memories but still to this day THE HARDEST is Father’s Day. They all just want to crawl into a hole. This passed June her oldest graduated from garde 6 at their local public school, this was the first memorable occassion that “Dad” wasn’t there. It is a process. many hugs to you! I have been a memeber of your school since 2018 and LOVE your painting tutorials. My prayers that you will find strength to move through this devastating time. HUGS
Thank you for your message Leslie. I’m so sorry to learn that your daughter and grandchildren experienced a sudden loss too. Sending love to you all x
There are really no words to express how deeply sad I am that your dear husband died. May you come through all the stages of grief and reach the point where memories comfort you. And I have to say, even in your enormous grief, Anna, you are saying truths that help us with our own griefs. Going through the grief, feeling it, and coming out the other side a stronger and more empathetic person, as you described, helped remind me of what I can do to help myself and other people with their grieving. I’m holding you in my thoughts and in my heart, Anna.
That’s lovely of you to say Bonnie. I’m sorry you’re dealing with grief too, but glad my truths have felt helpful to you. Take care of yourself x
Anna, you have always given such helpful comments to all your students in a kind manner.
You have accomplished so much while giving so much more with your lessons to all of us.
I feel you will manage with grace and determination your future and that of your children.
Dearest Anna,
What heartbreaking news, for you, your children and your family. We will keep you all in our thoughts during this difficult time. May your art bring you comfort when you need. Sending much love and strength, Alexia x
My heart and thoughts are with you and your family. I hope, with time, you find calmness and peace in the beautiful memories that you shared together and with your children. You have been so inspiring and I hope that you find things in your life that continue to inspire you, and even in the days that you don’t, it’s ok, you need to take care of you.❤️
Thank you Barbara x
Thank you so much, Anna, for being vulnerable with us. My family and I extend our deepest condolences. I can’t begin to imagine the pain of loss as you have. I grieve and lament with you though.
I’ve been a member for years and my family and I thank you and Phil for creating a space for so many of us students to enjoy, observe, and come closer to this beautiful world through art and community.
You spoke of Phil so often through the years in your emails and blogs that I always sensed that he was right there with you, helping with development of the school and filming of the tutorials I enjoy so much. I believe that his presence will continue to be with you – and possibly closer than the physical will allow. I will continue to pray for you, your children, and all who knew him to experience the peace that passes all understanding.
It means a lot to read your words Elizabeth, thank you x
Hi Anna
Totally feel for you and you’re family as a similar event happened to us my husband was out on top of a hill when he had a cardiac arrest with no warning was air lifted to hospital where he had a further 2 cardiac arrests and just as we thought he was through the worst he then had a stroke all at the age of 54…..so you have my total sympathy and big hugs 🤗 to you and your children
Oh Helen I’m so sorry you know the same pain. Sending love to you and your family x
With all my heart and soul I remember you all in my prayers.
All of you together. You carry him in your heart. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Hello Anna, a very sad news. My condolences to you and your family.
May his soul rest in peace.
Dear Anna,
Such a tragic loss and so suddenly..
The courage to grieve is the hardest of all.. I know as I have been through it all myself firstly with loosing a child and then my husband. All too suddenly many years ago.
Thank you for sharing, be strong..
thinking of you. xxx
Shahida
I’m so sorry to read about what you’ve been through Shahida. Thank you for your kind words xxx
So sorry to here your sad news grieving is the hardest thing to do but remember how lucky you have been to share you life with Phil. you have given me so much through painting hope you can learn to find peace and joy also. xxx
Oh dear Anna, my heart is breaking for you. I didn’t think I could be a single parent after my divorce (their dad abandoned us) but I got through. You are wise to lean into your pain and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will be praying for you and your sweet littles. My husband lost his first wife to illness and a friend gave him a copy of a book called, “Mending” by Dorothy Hsu. We have handed out many copies to others experiencing loss. If you can’t get it through Amazon, I would be happy to mail you one. Hold your children tight and know that many will be holding you up in prayer.
So sorry to hear of your huge loss of your beloved soul mate, Phil. Totally understand that you’ve needed time and space to process before sharing publicly. Love what you have shared, what a wonderful man you had with you. It’s OK to sometimes shed some tears with your kids, your loss coexists with their loss. May you have courage and peace as you journey through this season of loss. Sending a big hug.
Thank you Pam for your supportive words. I will check out that book, thank you x
Thank you for sharing your raw and heartbreaking story. One cannot run from grief and will forever become a part of hearts when we suffer such a devastating loss. Our hearts do form the scars we need and we learn to live along side be side with the grief that will never be gone. We either shrink or grow from our unbearable grief and for you to grow and vow to live your life like a love letter to your beloved is inspiring. So very sorry for your loss.
Anna, so sorry for your loss. After loosing my first 2 wives I know a little on how hard recovery is. It does get better over time.
Thank you Kim x
Somehow I had a feeling something was not right when I received your recent emails. I can’t explain it. Sometimes there are inexplicable connections… Honestly, I really don’t have words right now. However, I have a phrase from Richard Bach that supports me during times of loss: “Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: If you’re alive it isn’t.” I believe Phil completed his mission along with all our loved ones who are no longer among us. I believe their energy is still among us, guiding and protecting us. Their existence was too great to be lost. So, I hope this helps a tiny bit. Love.
Thank you x
May you find strength in the loving memories you shared. My sincere condolences.
I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Your husband sounds like an extraordinary man. Last November my son in law, 45 died unexpectedly at home of sudden cardiac arrest. He and my daughter were married 17 happy loving years and my grandsons are 12 and 15. He was a wonderful kind gentle person. My heart breaks for you and your children. Your husband, and my daughter’s husband being so young, are missing their whole lives, and we miss them. Grief has no rules. My daughter is in a young widow’s group… a club nobody wants to belong to…and she has said it’s very helpful. ( she herself is a clinical psychologist) please know there are no words I can say except I am so sorry. Life can be terribly cruel.
Thank you for sharing this Emily. I’m so sorry your daughter and grandsons know this pain. Sending love to you all xx
Dearest Anna, I feel your pain all the way over here in my heart. I’m so sorry for your pain. Know that you are loved from all corners of the universe.
You and your little ones are in my prayers and thoughts…sending you a warm hug and healing vibes.
Love 🌹
Hello Anna….words are never adequate or can possibly convey the right words to use…… but I felt compelled as a fellow artist to send you a message of condolences for your tragic and sad lost……You are a brave , courageous creative person and your amazing talent as an artist will help give you strength and comfort…..keep painting, keep seeing the beauty in all nature…..Your Children will be your inspiration and hope for the future…… life has changed forever but you will come through this sad journey…….Love Fiona X
Thank you x
My heart is heavy hearing your news. I too, lost my husband he was 57 and died from a year long battle with kidney cancer. I felt blessed that I had a year to fight and prepare for the worst.
Take joy from your children and every little thing that sparkles.
God bless
I’m sorry for your loss too Pat. Take care of yourself x
Dear Anna,
I’m sending you so much love and compassion across the ocean. You’ve been there for me through my struggles, via videos and inspiration and kind words and if there’s any way I can be there for you, I will be and I am. Thank you for sharing stories of Phil’s incredible kindness and joy. He lives forever in our hearts. Many blessings and sweetness to you and your beautiful children. 💗
Thank you so much Elena xx
So sorry to hear this news. So proud of you taking care of yourself and your precious little ones. So grateful for the creative joy you have added to my own life. And now I know Phil was a part of that joy I’ve experienced via Nature Studio over these many years I’ve been a member. Yes, grief is quite the process. At the time of my great loss, wise people told me to give myself two years before I would feel any degree of “better”. To expect it would change, but not as fast as I hoped it would. Remembering, honoring, facing legitimate emotions was all necessary. I can smile, laugh and remember – usually without tears now. It’s been over 5 years. The love just grows in some ways, even though the missing them is still there. I think the depth of grief matches the height of the love we had. So I’ve learned to be grateful for the height of that love. I wouldn’t want it to have been any less. You and your family and team will be in my thoughts coming your way. Our hearts do know how to love, even across the many miles and the span of the ocean. Much love from the USA. Be here now. He is holding you in his arms always.
Joan
Thank you so much Joan for your thoughtful and kind words. I’m so sorry to know of your great loss. Thank you for your wise advice, which I have taken to heart xxx
Oh gosh Anna, I am so sad for you. We don’t know each other, but I am aware of you more than you are aware of me. You came to me in my darkest hour. You have given me some knowledge to develop a skill that has provided me with a place to go. My art is acceptable, but not good. I’m not being modest, it is the reality that I have yet to find true peace. I know when I do my art will sing.
If thoughts and prayers are able to support a person, you will be supported with an avalanche of world-wide love. The art group that has formed in Australia, is a big part of my life and we often hope one day you will pop in and say hello. Maybe one day …. For now you need to concentrate on you. You are the most important item on your agenda. We have enough depth of content in the school to allow you the time to recalibrate your world. Painting is who you are and I suspect the school is extremely important to you. The pain you are experiencing needs time.
Thank you for sharing your loss, thank you for sharing your life. Take care lovely Anna.
Fiona (from Australia) xx
Thank you Fiona for your lovely words. I’m sorry to read about what you’ve been going through. I’m glad I could be with you in your darkest hour. Thank you for being here in mine x
Anna there are no words so very very sad and deeply sorry for your loss of Phil especially at such a young age.
Take strength from the powerful healing of nature your children and the amazing art school you run.
Thoughts and prayers with you and the family.
Sending love and hugs from the Yorkshire Dales xx
Thank you Theresa x
Sending love to you all ❤️
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
Phil sounds like an incredible man.
If I can offer support in any way, please contact.
I am a counsellor, and I counsel children and adults.
Thinking of you.
Steph
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know that you and your family will be in my prayers. May the Lords peace and comfort be with you always.
Dear Anna,
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss! Nothing I can say will make you miss him less or make the pain hurt less, but I will you and your loved ones lots of strenght. Big hug!!
Love, Diana
Dear Anna,
I’m just reeling out of the shocking and deeply saddened news of your dear husband. My deepest heartfelt condolences and thoughts go out to you and your family esp those two sweet children of yours. It takes a while I’m sure for the impact of missing him to hit them yet. I truly hope that you can find some time and support from your family and friends to get you through this difficult time and find solace thru this irreplaceable loss. It is so heartening to see you dedicate your life to this art even during your darkest times. May his soul rest in peace and you find comfort from your loved ones and the team. Thank you immensely for sharing your grief with us and life is extremely short and we take too many things for granted! So I pray you find peace and happiness and give us your guidance in the art you so excel!
Thank you so much for sharing your tragedy and grief! I can’t imagine losing a soul mate!
No words can express my sympathy! I esobenjoyed your art studio and am glad it continues! Our children have a way of helping us get thru the hard times! God.bless them!
Please know all of us support your sorrow and challenges during your difficult time! Take as much time and help as you need! We all love you!
Hi, I wanted to thank you for your blog and your painting lessons. My dad died in October last year and I found your blog soon after. I haven’t painted for 15years but I found you, and something in the way you talk and in the way you teach made me want to start painting again. And I have been painting fearlessly since I found you. It’s my therapy. Without painting and without your lessons I couldn’t haven gone through the last year. With this painting blog, I grew so much in my painting jurney while healing my broken heart. Thank you! I look forward to new painting tutorials.
I’m so sorry Maria to read about you losing your dad. It means so much to me that my blog has helped you through this past year. Keep on painting fearlessly. Sending you love x
Dearest Anna,
First off I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Your Phil sounds like a wonderful man. I can only imagine how much you and the children miss him. I personally work as a 911 operator here in Canada and I’ve heard your story so many times I’ve lived with you, I’ve heard the shock, disbelief, horror, and the pleading in peoples voices as they will their loved ones back. It’s a day I live over and over in my job, it’s a privilege. To know I was able to give some comfort, or even just to be a kind voice on the worst day of your life is really something I value very highly. It’s not as easy being on the other end of the phone, though. And I have been on the other end of the phone as well. I read something once about grief that has stuck with me. It said grief is like a ball inside of a box. Initially the ball fills the whole box and every time it touches the sides of the box we are in pain and sad. As time goes by, the ball gets smaller, but it’s bouncing around hitting the sides of the box randomly so we just never know when the sadness will hit us. We never know when the grief will be all encompassing. The ball is always there. It never goes away, it it just doesn’t hit the sides of the box as often the longer it’s there. But it will always hit the sides of the box. Please know that I carry you and your beautiful family in my heart and I send you love from the East Coast of Canada. Krista Boutiler
Thank you for your thoughtful comment Krista, and for the work you do. It takes a very special person to do what you do. I’m sorry to know you’ve been on the other end of the phone too. Thank you also for sharing that analogy xxx
Anna, You have my condolences. You have been such an inspiration for all of us and I will pray for you and the childen during this time. God Bless You.
Anna, I am so sorry to hear your sad news. My heart was aching as I read your message above. As I read, A song came to me by Leonna Lewis. “Yesterday”. If you get chance Listen to the words sometime.
I cannot imagine how you are feeling as luckily my husband survived his heart attack around 7 years ago and had two stents fitted. I do however know how scary this was.
Back in August 2021, my 87 year old Dad had a stroke, just a few months after my Mum died. He had nursed her for a couple of years as she went through dementia but she sadly passed after giving up eating. It was strange to see my lovely strong father suddenly become so sad and lonely. After the stroke he came to live with us in Somerset and he started to improve but never enough to care for himself in his own home. We then found that he had Cancer but because of his stroke wasn’t strong enough to have an operation.
He kept going until November last year. He thanked us everyday for looking after him but to be honest it was a huge privilege and an honour to spend his last two years with him.
I found him on 11 November last year. He had died in his sleep and since that day I have suffered from huge anxiety and flashbacks of his final couple of days.
After he passed, I found that I couldn’t face painting for about six months. To be honest I found it difficult to do anything for about that time. However I have started painting again now and am starting to enjoy life again. I honestly never knew that grieving could be so painful.
It sounds like you have had a terrible time but I can see how strong you are. It’s good that you have such good friends and family around you.
Stay strong and keep Phil’s memory alive. He sounds like he was a wonderful person and you were blessed to have had him with you for the time you did. And he gave you two beautiful children too. X❤️
Thank you Sharon for sharing your own story. I’m glad you’re starting to enjoy life again after such a challenging time xx
No words but thinking about you and your beautiful family Anna. You are stronger than you know. Liz
Dearest Anna, I’m so sorry for your loss and what you’ve gone through these past 6 months. I was deeply saddened to read what you experienced, but also deeply inspired by your attitude of love and acceptance. Phil sounded like the perfect husband, helper and father, and I can’t even imagine how devastating his loss is. Your children are blessed to have you as their mother. It’s good that you are able to share, and also good that you allow yourself to grieve. Sending hugs. You have my deepest sympathy. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dearest Linda,
Words seem so small at this moment when I consider how much I want to share with you and how much I understand what you are going through. I’m going to do my best to not offer you advice but speak instead from the place in my own heart that has faced sudden and heartbreaking loss.
If loss was a large rock in a river, then life is the stream that flows around the pain. I’m sure you will have noticed by now how life simply continued then and now. Do not be afraid to cry together as a family, as crying is healing and will help you and your children release your sadness and loss. Try and remember moments that make you laugh too about him. Did he tease you or have a silly dance anything that you as a family can remember these are needed too. Laughter is medicine for your hearts and talking about him is important.
When you are ready, do not be afraid of getting outside help; it might not be the first person you see. It might take a couple of appointments that you need as a family and by yourself. Now is also a great time for your children, as talking about their Dad and how much they miss him with a stranger is sometimes easier. I did what I said I would try not to do. I have given unasked-for advice. Know this is from my own experience and from my heart.
Please know that you have my support and prayers please message me with any specific prayer requests so I can pray for you. Know I will be praying daily for you and your family and his family.
God Bless you and keep you,
Diane
Oh Anna, my heart breaks for you. Life is so cruel and unfair at times. You have suffered so much sadness in your young life. Now, I can only imagine that losing your soulmate, feels the cruelest of all. . As Phil says in his thoughtful, profound poem, live each moment, feel the joy and the suffering for it is both which makes life beautiful. As a woman in the last decades of life, who has lost so many loved ones, I can only offer, the pain will lessen but never leave, and the joyful memories bring solace.. I wish you peace as the way becomes clearer using your joy in painting to create the path forward.
Thank you Kate xx
Dear Anna,
I am so sorry to hear about your incredibly sad loss , for you and your children . You beautifully describe what a warm , caring person your husband was and I can’t begin to understand how you move forward in times like these. Of course your children will be a guiding light and even though at the moment it must be like you are facing a huge mountain to climb. You will get there , Anna , you are surrounded by people that care and Phil will always be in your heart. 💖
Dear Anna, I am so desperately sorry to hear this news.
I remember reading about your difficult past and it resonating with me personally. I also remember how you managed to overcome so much of it and begin a new life with your wonderful husband. It’s so cruel that he has been taken away from you so early.
I don’t think that I can offer anything to you at this moment apart from this:
I joined your course a few years ago after being in the depths of a devasting depression and with no painting experience whatsoever, you helped me draw and paint and believe that I might be actually capable of doing something and dealing with my illness. I still disappear from the school for months on end, unable to even think of lifting a pencil or brush but I do read all of your emails and I read the students comments. Often they are a source of comfort/warmth and a way of connecting to the real world when I don’t feel part of it.
Anna please know that you and your husband have probably saved many many people from those dark dangerous places and many of those people are now here to help you too. Many of us have much to be grateful to Phil and yourself for. My thoughts are with you and your children. xxx
Thank you so much Fiona for opening your heart and sharing such thoughtful words. It means so much to me that I’ve been able to help you at your darkest time and to deal with your illness. Sending you love xxx
Dear Anna, I’m so very sorry for your loss of Phil. His memory is clearly a blessing for you. I’ve been through grief (loss of a beloved daughter to breast cancer 5 months after she’d given birth to her only child) and my heart aches for you now, knowing what lies ahead.
Loss such as this is a lifetime of grief on one scale or another. Initially devastating as you say, but eventually the world is indeed beautiful again. Sometimes there’s even a bit of humor–like the time we were celebrating my daughter’s birthday which we continue to do every year, and we had a small urn of hers next to her photo. Her son, then 4 years old, tossed a nerf football and it knocked over the urn (nothing broke). Her dad and I both leapt to our feet! Her son was paralyzed with sudden fear of what might have happened. And his dad said, “Whoa there, you almost knocked your mom over!” and for some reason (grief/relief) the entire room of family burst out laughing for a good few minutes. We knew Sarah would have laughed, her big, loud, lovable laugh, along with all of us. My point, my dear, is life does go on but always keep the memories alive. Surround yourself with people who allow you to speak Phil’s name often, share his memories together, speak about what he would think or feel in situations. It does help keep them with you. Wishing you much future happiness to help ease the pain while you struggle through this time.
Thank you Nancy. I’m so sorry for your loss xx
As a widow of nearly 20 years I want to assure you that you will get through this extremely agonizing experience – and your creative energy will once again rise up to give you solace and allow you to continue to inspire all of us who have had the privilege of joining the Nature Studio. I send you my deepest and heartfelt condolences – and say, “Too soon, too soon” to have such a loss.
Thank you Jo Ann x
Oh my lovely what a shock. I can’t imagine how you managed to go on. Of course your beautiful family, they need you so much.
Take heart that he didn’t suffer. All your work in the past and all you have to give n the future, you can dedicate to him.
I am shedding a wee tear now but as women we have to be strong. He will be right beside you and encouraging you to be the woman he met and fell in love with. Be strong my sweetheart 💕💕💕
My heart is broken for you and your family… May the passage of time bring peace, healing, and many happy memories. Sending a warm hug, dear Anna!
Dear Anna,
My heartfelt condolences to you, your children, and family as you navigate the loss of your loving husband and father.
Your tribute to Phil is beautiful and I feel honoured that you have shared so generously about him, as well as yourself.
You are much braver and stronger than you may realize, and your approach to your healing journey sounds very sound and very wise.
“In quiet, may you find comfort,
In memory, may you find healing,
In the power of love, may you find peace.”
With love and prayers,
Barb Rose (Canada)
I am so sorry for your loss and understand how hard the land of grief having also lost my husband with 2 young children except to cancer.
We soldier on.
Try to get your children to a grief camp if they have those in England.
It was a help to mine .
Your painting course has helped me find myself again. Who I am now.
The grieving takes lots of time and patience. Somehow we survive the waves . I’m very sorry.
I’m sorry you and your children know this scale of loss too Sherry. I’m glad to have been able to help you to find yourself. Sending you love x
Dear Anna,
I am so sorry to hear of your devastating loss. I hope you can feel the community surrounding you and supporting you and your children through your grief. Phil sounds like an incredible partner and dad, thank you for sharing his bright and giving personality with us all, and being so open and raw with your feelings. I hope this can continue to be a safe space for you to navigate the road ahead.
My thoughts are with you all
Dearest Anna, I am so sorry for your and your children’s loss. I hope time will heal some of the grief you currently feel. Be kind to yourself and cry as you must. I’m sure he will continue to look down on your family from above. You have my deepest sympathies. Take care.
Your story inspires me to continue painting and hang on to my friends so that the support network I’ll need someday is always there. When I was in my 30s my father died and even though I was married with two small children, my world fell apart as he was the only one in my birth family who supported my art work as being a worthwhile effort and loved my new family very much. Fortunately my husband & children realized the loss I felt and took over that support he had given and I did more crafts with the children than I even knew existed. When the children ‘left the nest’ I was able to use one of their now vacant bedrooms to pursue the personal painting that I’d always dreamt of doing. Even though I never achieved the status you have, I’ve been happy with what I’ve accomplished. When the pandemic came, I found myself looking for online classes since there were no live workshops to attend anymore. That’s where your art school fit into the picture. It was perfect! Your realistic style of painting was something I had never done and I saw your school as a great way to learn something new. I thank you and Phil so much. It’s been 40 years since my Dad died and I still think of him and miss him almost every day but it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Now I try to think about all the good times we had even though he wasn’t at his granddaughters’ graduations or weddings and never met his great grandson.
I have no idea of how losing a spouse/soulmate/partner must feel. Phil sounds like a wonderful husband and father. Your story of how you met was charming and as Ben and Fern grow up I hope you share it with them. I hope your days fill up with busy happy things as your children grow up. Your story made me cry. I hope your story has a happy ending like mine and that someday you’ll remember, but not cry.
Thank you Joyce. I’m sorry you lost your father too early. It sounds like he was a wonderful support x
Anna, thanks so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you and your sweet kids are going through this. You’ve provided so much cheer, encouragement and beauty through your classes. I’m grateful for the encouragement that Phil provided for you. His love will shine on.
Oh Anna, I don’t know what to say except I’m so deeply sorry for this most painful loss. I’m at a similar life stage and situation to you and it breaks my heart to think of what has happened to your lovely family. I’m sending you all the love and strength and hugs. I’m standing behind you, supporting you with love.
Bless you and the children, Anna. Peace and strength to you. Phil sounds like a lovely man.
Anna, My heart breaks for you! You are living my worst nightmare! I can’t even imagine the horror of that happening! Prayers for you and your two beautiful children.
Oh, Anna, I am so, so devastated for you and your family. 💔 I have no words…just wanted to let you know that I am keeping you in my thoughts and heart and sending hugs of support from afar.
Oh my heartfelt sympathy for you and your family. I can’t even imagine the heartbreak you and your kids are feeling. My prayers are for you and your family.
Oh Anna, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your Husband Phil…and for your childrens Daddy…so sad. Your story took my breath away. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will continue on with your Beautiful Art..that you will find some peace and happiness knowing your Husband would want you too. Take Care,….Barb Ryan
Dear Anna,
Thank you for sharing this extremely personal and loving experience with us. My heart goes out to you and your little ones. Please allow yourself as much grieving time as you need. I haven painted for 4 or 5 months now, but you’ve inspired me to get backwards into my studio again. Again, thank you for sharing this extremely personal experience with us. ❤️
Thank you Joan. I hope you do make it back into your studio x
Anna,
I have read each and every word you have written remembering so well feelings I felt 23 years ago, loosing my soulmate. We too were brought together by destiny, a reunited love from our past. A never forgotten love that never gave up on being together. It took 20 years apart, a few conversations that always ended with we can’t break up two families for us to be together. When things in both of our lives changed we had the opportunity, he moved 1200 miles to be with me and my 2 boys from a previous cold and empty marriage. My boys were so hungry for the manhood that he brought into their lives they we magic together. People stopped us on the street and would comment on the love they felt just being in our presence. We had a glorious 1 year together, then 2 months before we were married he became ill. We thought it was an infection, but it turned out to be cancer. He was gone 10 months later. We were married for 8 months that was a fight for life.
The grief was not only for my loss, the loss of our future together but the devastating loss for my sons who finally had such a great male role model they were so very hungry for, and to just loose that after they had been awakened to what it could be like.
I have loved Larry everyday for the past 23 years I feel him with me all the time, encouraging me in my art an life.
I feel you Anna, I am sending you love and hugs and support. Phil like Larry are making the world a better place from where they are their work continues to benefit the greater good of all. Your school helped me so very much in getting back to myself and my dreams even after he had been gone for a long time already, it was just the path I was on.
Peace and love!
Thank you so much for sharing so much, and so much love! you pour love into all you do!
Thank you Joan for your lovely words. I’m so sorry you didn’t have long with Larry. It sounds like a very special love you shared x
I am so deeply sorry for your loss Anna. Having just lost a loved one three days ago, I can empathize profoundly with you and understand the meaning of loss and grief. Thank you for sharing with us and most importantly, thank you for your deep felt thoughtful words. I certainly found immense comfort in them and plan to take your advice to heart, especially in respect to resuming my painting practice and finding solace in the process.
With much gratitude, sending you loving thoughts and warmth
Jade
Oh Jade I’m so sorry for your very recent loss. I’m glad my words could bring you comfort at this time and I do hope you’ll find solace through your brushstrokes. Sending love and light back to you xxx
Dear Anna, reading your story deeply touched me. My heart goes out to you, your children and family. With deepest sympathy,
Love, Alexandra xxx
Sending love to you and thankyou for your wonderful inspiring art.
Dear Anna
I wrote earlier when I didn’t really have the words. Your news was, of course, such a terrible shock.
I am thinking of you and understand a little of what you are going through as I, too, lost my husband at a young (but not as young as you) age. I am so terribly sorry.
“The good die young and those with hearts as dry as summer dust burn on”.
I strongly believe that we all meet again in that higher place and I keep that thought close when I feel sad.
With love
Thank you Nicola. I’m sorry you know this pain and loss too x
Oh, Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. We don’t know each other personally, but I have felt your kindness, joy, and encouragement through your work, videos, and books. I am sending you love and light and lifting you up for the days, weeks, months, years to come. When I have felt immense grief and challenges before me, I turned to watercolor and the simplicity and flow of it helped let the light back in. That’s how I found you, long ago. Take care. One day at a time.
Thank you Lisa. I’m glad watercolour helped let the light back in. Thank you for sharing xx
I’m so sorry to hear this sad news.
Sending you and your family my deepest condolences.
Anna, my deepest sympathies. I am so sorry and saddened to read this news.
While I have never had a spouse die, my mom died of cancer when I was 3 and I am who I am because of her loss. I have strong memories of my dad and all he went through. He was a single parent with 4 kids, me being the youngest.
I was blessed to have a wonderful Aunt and Uncle take me in – my brother and sisters were older than me so they were in school all day. Back then there were no daycare centers or – where we lived – preschool programs. So off I went to live with my Aunt and Uncle and their 3 kids. They had horses, and freedom to roam. I learned to ride horses and I did go to kindergarten when I was old enough. It was the best for me!
My dad remarried when I was 6 so I could move back home and become a part of my family again.
Losing a spouse is life-changing. I witnessed it with my dad. But he went on to live a full and happy life, with an edge of sorrow.
I will donate to the American Heart Association in his name.
I am sure you have many to help you through – God bless you and your family.
Patty I’m sorry you lost your mom when you were so young. That must have been so hard for you and your siblings, and for your dad. I’m glad he went on to live a full and happy life. Thank you for sharing xx
Dear Anna, reading this has broken my heart, too, for you all. When I was nine we acquired two more in our family. My uncle and aunt died and overnight I had a seven and a five year old sister and brother. So, believe me, I truly understand grief.
Always say Phil’s name. Remember if you are laughing out loud.. this is not forgetting your sorrow, it is part of life, so never, ever ever feel guilty.
I am so very very sad for you. I have an ever lengthening list of people (it happens when you are 70)… to remember and pray for ( good old C of E prayers as I told my friend yesterday). I will keep you and your children in my heart. You have written something special and extremely moving here. I don’t have better words of comfort, but yours are piercingly special. Take care. I am so sorry xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you Kitty. What a tragic and traumatic thing to happen in your family. Thank you for sharing it xxx
Sooo sorry to hear about your husband and dad to you children.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I hope your light continues to shine for yourself, your family and others.
Anna,
I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my first wife at 41 and know what you are going through. It is good that you are talking about it and healing slowly.
I hope you continue to live life to its fullest and always keep his memory driving you on through life
I will keep you and your kids in my prayers.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced this scale of loss too Chris x
Anna, I am so heartbroken to hear this devastating news.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. The sudden passing of your husband at such a young age is an unimaginable tragedy, and my heart aches for you and your children. It’s difficult to process such a profound loss, especially with little ones who will also miss their father dearly. Please know that you are not alone in your pain; I am here to support you in any way you need. Take the time to grieve and lean on your friends and family during this incredibly challenging period. Your strength, even in this moment of sorrow, is a testament to the love you shared.
With heartfelt sympathy,
Natalie
Thank you so much Natalie xx
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am crying right now for you, for Phil and for your children.
Dear Anna, I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved, husband, friend and business partner, PHIL. After reading your story I can totally understand why it took a while to let us know what you have been going through. We all process grief differently and the longer we talk about our departed love ones, in my humble opinion, the more meaningful their lives were to us. Hopefully over time, you will meet another amazing person to share your life with. You have so much talent to continue to explore. Not knowing Phil, he sounds like a man who would want you to be happy and fulfilled in life. Our condolences to you and your two adorably strong children. With love, Barb and Bob Mingie
Dear Anna,
There just are no words. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your family. Wishing you peace and comfort as you move forward, one day at a time.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Anna, I too lost my husband, but my children were a little older. It’s so true that painting and drawing and creative activities will help you through this time. My heart is with you and your family as you move forward.
Never stop sharing your loving memories of your Phil , so sorry for your lost sympathys and respect to you Anna and family
I’m so shocked and saddened by the loss of your husband. My husband worked for years in the cardiac field and said this event seems pretty rare. So sorry you and your family have to endure this. I enjoyed my two classes I took with you through Craftsy and I wish you well on what will be a long journey towards healing from your loss. Hugs Robin Kinley, USA
I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious husband Anna. Words fail me as I try to write you anything of deep value. Please know that we care about you and will be thinking about you and praying for your strength to endure this difficult journey. I look forward to watching God work in your life. You are already honoring Phil’s life by raising his children and carrying on your joint creative project that is “Nature Studio”. Much love my teaching warrior and internet friend.
Michele
Thank you Michele x
Dearest Anna and children,
I am heartbroken for you all at the loss of your beloved husband and father so early in his life and the lives of you children. Keep his memory alive always as a tribute to the wonderful husband, father and person he was and know that you will meet again.
During Covid, I lost my beloved sister, my nephew and my daughter’s mother in law which was so very traumatic and after which I could not pick up a pencil or paint brush and have never been able to since. Having said that I enjoy seeing all your work Anna and hopefully, one day, I will be able to do art again.
With many thanks for sharing your profound heartbreaking news and your strength for the sakes of your children which is admirable to say the least. Carry on the excellent work.
With God’s blessings,
Patricia Spendiff
Oh Patricia, I’m sorry your family had to endure so many losses and in such a short time. What a tragic and traumatic thing to have to through. I hope that in time you’ll feel able to pick up your paintbrush again and that when you do, it brings you peace. Sending you love xx
Anna, you don’t imagine how sorry I am. I know what it feels to lose someone you love so much and it’s terrible. But as you said, you have to feel deeply the pain and sorrow, in order to heal your soul and your heart, and that way be able to support your children.
I send you a big hug and strength to go on.
Maritza Miranda
Thank you Maritza. I’m sorry you know this pain and loss too. Sending you a big hug back xx
Oh Anna, I am feeling totally devastated at your heartbreaking news – thank you for sharing it with us. I actually want to cry, because I can’t imagine the hole it has left in your life. To have known and loved someone who sounds so special is something to be treasured – and makes the loss all the more painful.
One of the (many) things that I’ve enjoyed about learning to paint from you, is all the detail – looking for the detail whilst painting, has made me look for detail in real life flowers and nature. Textures, colurs, shapes – there is so much to notice. My friends all know I will be pointing out some detail in a teeny flower we see on the side walk (living in Cape Town gives us much to look at and enjoy), or to look more closely at moss and see that it’s made up of tiny leaves… and so the list goes on, so without knowing it Phil certainly played a role in making my life full of gratitude and noticing small things all around us.
It had an added advantage in that it made me realise without a doubt that there is a most kind, comppasionate, intelligent Creator and Designer off all life. We know how much time it takes to try and paint something that has depth and shade and shape – and we are just trying to imtitate something far grander.
This raises the question though, if God is so compassionate, WHY would he let something as sad as losing a loved one happen?
Not only do I look at the detail in His creation, but I have looked at the detail in in his Holy Word and this has given me even more reason to trust Him. He cares about the hurt you and your two little ones are experiencing and that’s why I personally look forward to the following time: A man in ancient times lost all 10 of his children, among other things, asked:
If a man dies, can he live again?+
I will wait all the days of my compulsory service
Until my relief comes.+
You will call, and I will answer you.+
You will long* for the work of your hands.
(Job 14:14,15)
Job believed that a time would come, when our awe inspiring Creator would call to those in death, and they would “answer” him. In fact it says God LONGS for the work of his hands. Not for nothing His Holy Book calls death an enemy.
You CAN be reunited with Phil again! This can be like an anchor for you to cling to.
My heart goes out to you and your little ones, in a big way. I would love to tell you more about this, if you would like to know more.
Warmest love and deep concern
Alethea
Anna
So very sorry to hear of your loss. You are a very strong woman and I can feel your pain yet know you will continue on doing what you both loved. Memories are to be cherished every second of the day.
Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is the most difficult emotion to overcome but you will in time. Don’t rush the journey ahead . Meet it head on with your children, family, friends and your faith. Phil will always be with you as you experience a different path in life.
Love,
Carol Pulvino
One who understands
I’m so sorry to learn of your loss. This is very heartbreaking for sure for you and for your family. Sounds like Phil will always be in your heart and on your mind. Hope you can continue to think of the positive times you shared together. Best wishes, love Sharon.
I am so sorry. I lost my husband in January but he had cancer and it was a blessing. Our children are raised so that is not like your situation. So my heart is sad, not broken like yours. A very different feeling. My sad heart goes out to you and I will include you in my prayers. It helps to know we will see them again.
Oh my Anna. As the Desiderata poem says, “be gentle with yourself.” I don’t know you, nor you me, but I’ve studied from all your books and regularly share them and your painting advice with my watercolor students on a regular basis. The therapy of painting is good for your soul. I am so sorry for the unimaginable loss of your love, your life partner, your dreams and your children’s father. May you all find a peaceful place, and for you a painting space that honors his life. Thank you for sharing the most difficult thing in your life. You are brave and true.
Thank you Marie xx
Thank you Ginger. I’m sorry for your recent loss too x
Anna, you and your children are in my thoughts. I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my prayers. This is a time of grief and healing for you, so however long that takes and however much time you need I understand. Sending you lots of hugs and love.
Anna, I’m deeply saddened about this news. I hope you and your kids will soon find peace. Your wisdom shows in your post and those words resonate with us who have lost loved ones, while we never are the same as before, we become a stronger version. Sending hugs from Mexico
Thank you Jess xx
I am sorry for your loss. Sending love to you, your family and your team.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your darling husband Phil Anna, he sounded like a truly amazing person. I have followed your story since I was a teenager, a whole 14 years ago now when you were Anna Knights. I fell in love with your paintings & you inspired my GCSE and A Level art projects, you even kindly replied to an email I sent you at the time about my projects. I felt a connection to you having thyroid issues myself & your wonderful style of realistic botanical painting as that is what I am most passionate about. To learn of all your struggles in your life is truly heartbreaking, and I can imagine some of how you are feeling now as my dad also died in his 40s of an unknown heart condition. Whilst time may vaguely heal some wounds, it will never be able to fill the hole that Phil will have left in your heart. But as my mum says about my dad, we must continue to feel so lucky that we had them in our lives, we got to have the best of them & all of the beautiful memories will never die. Sending you my deepest sympathy and love. Leah x
It’s lovely to hear from you Leah. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. I’m sorry you lost your dad at such a young age. I hope you’re still creating art. Sending you love x
Anna….I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your message brought me to tears. Sending prayers for you and your children.
Saddened is putting it lightly. Anna I have never met you personally although I feel I have. Phil’s circle of life closed suddenly and without warning and wish you deep condolences to you and your little people.
You work I know will enshrine your grief of loss and will honor your partner and children.
Anna I hope you find Peace.
My best to you
Marten
Very sad to hear the great untimely loss of your dearest Phil. May God give you and children strength to overcome the great loss.You will and have to overcome this .For this the spark of your painting must be kept glowing .Your passion will help you to endure this situation.
At times you may feel the emptiness but remember we as a group of your painting fans are with you.Feel free to share your apprehensions
So go ahead in life .may you sparkle more and more with new ideas.love Annie
Thank you Marten xx
I am so so sorry! You were very lucky to have had such a relationship I never had. He will always be with you. It’s tragic that he’s gone. You are strong though I know for your children you will carry on. Life can be so unfair sometimes.
Dearest Anna,
Wishing you and your beautiful children strength during this difficult time.
Phil’s memory will live on. May he Rest in Peace.
Blessings always.
Dearest Anna,
I have no words to truly express how deeply sorry I was to read your story and your dedication to Phil. You have been so courageous these past few months, enduring the immeasurable pain this loss is causing you. And your courage continues as you share this story with us. And, honestly, it’s terrifying for me to read this since my own son is 44, and my daughter has had multiple episodes with cardiac arrhythmias. It reminds me that each day is a blessing, and that gratitude and love are all that matter.
I hope that you can release yourself from the pressure to perform your Nature Studio duties in the same way that you did before, at least until you feel really ready. Your staff has done an amazing job these past 6 months, and I know they will continue to be there for you. Grief and loss don’t get resolved easily or quickly, and each person must return to “normal” life at their own pace. I do realize that things will never return to normal for you. You were blessed with 13 years of blissful life with the perfect soulmate. But, give yourself grace, patience and time.
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much Barbara xxx
Dear Anna I’m saddened to hear about your loss. I appreciate you sharing this story with us, your painting community! My thoughts are with you. I can only imagine how much sadness you have had to endure. You are a strong and wonderful person and have given us so much of yourself. Please know that we need you!! Stay strong dear Anna.
-Susan Fellows from Seattle Washington, USA
I, too, lost my soulmate, business partner, and husband of 35 years. Although I supposedly “had time” to prepare for his death, he had a 8 year battle with Parkinson’s
Disease. It has been 25 years, and I still cry when I think about my loss. My advice is
to treasure the memories and to know that eventually with time you will get through the grief. Fortunately he left you with the best he could, 2 wonderful children so that you will always have a part of him to treasure. My prayers are with you.
Oh Nancy I’m so sorry to read about your loss. I can imagine that long battle would have brought a different kind of trauma, just as huge. Sending you love xx
Thinking of you and your children and sending love, prayers and healing energy across the many miles.
Marten, I am so sorry, what a wonderful husband and father he was.
Praying for you and your children. Hugs to you!!
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband of 46 years, in April. Today would have been his 68th birthday. Painting has been my therapy, along with grief counseling and faith . I pray for you and your family. Terri
I’m so sorry for your loss Terri x
I am so very sorry for your loss Anna. I am not currently a subscriber as I am unable to commit the time to paint but I always read your emails as you write from the heart. Never more so than in this blog Anna. Your sense of loss is palpable. I will keep you and your children in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you so much Antonia xx
Sorry for your loss,
little by little you will get stronger.
Just think you have a angel watching over your beautiful family.
I feel your pain, my Dad was the same age as your husband when he passed away, he was an active sportsman and had always been health. I had finished school, I was 17 and was about to start university to become a doctor, that went by the wayside as we could not afford it, I had to go to work to support my family as Mum was only able to get the Widow’s Pension for 6 months and then she had to work and we had my elderly Nan to look after as she was not able to look after herself so I had to go to work instead. It was a complete shock as my Dad had broken a toe 6 months previously and the doctor had said he had to constitution of a man of 26, keep going and loving your children and keep your husband’s memory alive. Kind thoughts to you
Oh Toni I’m so very sorry for the huge loss you experienced at such a young age and for the huge impact that had on your life. I’m sure your dad would have been so proud of you for looking after your family like that. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing xxx
Dear Anna,
I was so sad to hear about the passing of your husband and father of your two babies… no words would ever be enough to console you in your grief…
I just needed to tell you how much gratitude I felt when two years ago I could no longer pay your classes because I got divorced and the day after that my ex husband had a stroke and 11 days later passed … I became a divorced widow… very strange feeling after 18 years of marriage… at that moment you simply told me in a letter to continue with the classes for six more months…
You have such a generous heart and I am crying for you. I have admired you and your beautiful art always… it won’t be easy but with time you will get all those little pieces and fix your heart…
God bless you…and again thanks…
Thank you for your words Denise. I’m sorry you’ve been through what you have. I’m glad we were able help you keep painting through that time. Take care xx
Dear Anna, my heart is broken for you. You are obviously incredibly strong, and I wish you the very best. Thank you for sharing your exquisite art, vibrant personality and beautiful soul every day with us through this platform. I am sure that I speak for many when I say you are a bright light in this ever-challenging world. Sending my deepest sympathy and best wishes for healing, Stephen
That’s lovely of you to say Stephen, thank you x
Anna, my heart goes out to you. Together you have two beautiful children, who will always carry a piece of your husband in their mannerisms and looks. He sounds like a wonderful person.
I found you in a transitional time in my life, where your art lessons were the light and inspiration in my life. Your art guided me into the art world and that journey has led me to my own art style. Thank you so much. You’ve really impacted my life in a wonderful way. Art is healing.
Thank you for your kind comment Abby. I’m so glad to have been part of your art journey and helped you through that time of transition in your life xx
Thank you for sharing your life to help encourage all of us to know that we can find purpose and a light ahead, even in the deepest grief. I have an encouraging story that started just as yours did, some 25 years ago. A friend of mine, nine months pregnant, suddenly passed away with her baby from cardiac arrest, leaving a husband and her 3 year old boy. I wanted to help, but didn’t know the husband well. All I could do was to watch out for the son over the years as he grew up going to school with my son. I lost track of him for a while, but would remember and pray for him. Then, when the two were in high school, they became best friends, over at our house and sharing a love of math. I know that our house and my son have been able to fill some of his emotional needs. They are now 27 and living in two different states but they just came back from an amazing hike in a narrow canyon in Utah. Grief and loss are hard, impossibly hard, but there are always more people than you know who care, and joys ahead that you could not guess. Love and prayers.
Your words brought tears to my eyes Virginia. I’m so sorry you lost your friend in that way. Your story of what happened afterwards is moving and encouraging to read. I love how you looked out for her son and the beautiful friendship which later unfolded between him and your own son. Thank you for sharing xxx
Anna, I am so terribly sorry about the loss of your beloved Phil. What a wonderful partner and father he was. Thinking of you.
Dear Anna,
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful husband and soulmate Phil with us. Your writing about him has touched me so deeply – such an amazing husband, father and kind and caring man. I will be thinking of you and your family and sending love and prayers for peace, comfort, strength and hope.
Blessings to you!
Nancy
Dearest Anna,
My heart hurts for you, and for your sweet children. I am very sorry for your loss.
I am a conservative Jewish woman. Our religion teaches us that speaking of the person we lost is of the utmost importance. It keeps that person we lost with us and allows us to remember and speak of the loving times – the happy times – the holidays, the memorable conversations, mannerisms that depicted his personality that we don’t want to forget. You should speak of him to your children every day .
I know first hand what this kind of loss and pain feels like. My beloved husband became ill and was gone within 5 months. I was undergoing chemotherapy (and still am today as I am being treated for breast cancer for 31+ years ) and in an out of the myself during that time, spending sleepless nights with him in the hospital … so many nights during the last month of his life, and ultimately planning his funeral from the hospital room after ceasing any life-prolonging measures, which was his wish and the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Although Ricard z”l ( of blessed memory) was 72 years of age, we had been together for 51 years and we old have celebrated our 50th anniversary 5 short months from the time he passed away. We grew up together, had two wonderful daughters, and all Richard ever wanted was to be a grandpa. The birth of our granddaughter, with whom he had 4 years of joy, gave him great pleasure and arranging for Janie to see Grandpa in the hospital which is only allowed at life’s end of a patient, was painful, but I arranged it with the hospital staff and had all medical devices removed from the room explaining to Janie the grandpa was very, very happy that she was coming to see him, but then he was very tired and would most likely be sleeping when she came to the hospital.
She did visit him, was a little frightened at first the next day he was gone. I can remember every action, every remark, and every detail of every moment since that day.
It is a very lonely existence and takes time to embrace the change. BUT we have to do what we have to do…. We had a business together, which I closed.
I get through my life being decorating and renovating projects which I have just completed, and painting. There are some days that I am too exhausted consist because of treatments, but as soon as the energy returns even for two hours, you’ll find me in my art studio…. At ridiculous times of day or night. And, in some part I thank you Anna, as I began serious painting studying with your rituals in 2015. Many of the wonderful paintings I completed under your tutelage hang in both my home and vacation home and I have great affection for them as did Richard. And I will continue to paint….
In three short weeks, we will have a celebration in our synagogue to name my Second granddaughter with the Hebrew name that will carry the memory of her grandpa. Although this precious little baby just 4 weeks old now, has not had the opportunity to meet her Grandpa she will hear about him every day from me and from my younger daughter, her mother. It will no doubt be a bittersweet celebration, but life continues… It is our tradition.
May your beloved Phil’s memory be for many blessings, and we say Amen.
With hugs, love and compassion.
Bonnie B Fertel
New Jersey , USA
My heart literally aches for you and your children. May you all find peace and comfort at this time. What a lovely and beautiful tribute and love story.
Oh Anna, my heart breaks for you and your children. Sending all the love and strength your way. My thoughts are with you all as you navigate the ocean known as grief.
I am in tears. Sending you all the highest level of love and healing. 💗🙏🏼
I am so sorry 🤍
Dear Anna, I am at a loss to know what to say. No one can really know the pain your are going through but please know that tears have been shed for you and your children this evening and that the three of you will be remembered in my prayers.
I trust that painting will be a great way to lose yourself and relax and it would also be good if you can get out in the fresh air, across the fields and into the woods, with your children. Nature has the power to heal.
Taking it slowly, asking for help and allowing yourself the space to grieve will all help you to build a strong foundation for the new life that has been forced upon you.
May God give you strength for the days ahead and bathe you in a deep sense of inner peace. Thank you for sharing with us all, the tragic and sudden loss of your dear husband Phil.xx
Anna, I’m really, really sorry for your loss. We are never ready to loose someone we love, but the circumstances of your loss make it much harder. My prayers are with you and your family. God bless you!
Oh Anna. I am so sorry for your loss. Please find time to continue making your videos. It sounds line your husband was very supportive and to continue would be a tribute to him. You are very inspiring and it always makes me think some day I will find the time! So don’t stop ! We need you. We love you. Stay with us! He will be proud!
Anna, this is so sad to read. I am truly sorry for your loss. I have seen this kind of greif close-up and it’s just heartbreaking. I have too experienced a lot of loss in my life and I can tell you it will get easier and you will feel better. Time and processing and feeling the feelings makes it easier as time goes. The loss of someone you love becomes a chapter in your life, that you carry with you everywhere. Nothing can change what happened, but neither can it change your story together. There’s a kind of beauty in that.
Nature studio is a wonderful passion project and I am grateful you will keep running this wonderful art lessons. Thank you for sharing and thank you for Nature Studio.
I am sorry to hear of the loss to you, your family and friends. Hugs to all.
Dear Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you, your children and the rest of your family at this sad time.
Over the years I have found huge comfort form your painting courses during my own difficult times, thank you.
With deepest condolence, Alexia
I am so sorry Anna. I will keep you in prayer and I pray that you and your children will find the comfort you need as you go through this devastating time.
Thank you for sharing your grief with us.
Phil sounds like a wonderful man, husband and father.
Dear Anna,
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for such a heartfelt tribute to your husband.
I’ve been a member of your community for quite a few years now and know firsthand the healing power of community and creating art. It has helped me immensely.
Thank you so much for being so inspiring and courageous in your journey.
Sending much love and hugs to you. Chris
This breaks my heart Anna. We’ve never met but I knew from your writings that after your first marriage you met your wonderful partner Phil.
Your idea of leading your life as a love letter to Phil is so beautiful and sounds so like your kind soul. I wish for you all the wonderful and abundant things that life can offer and that through expressing your grief you can stay open to being startled by joy from your children and nature, which is exactly what you’re doing. Thank you for having the courage to write all of us about what happened.
I’m sure all of us are sending you thoughts of comfort and strength.
So sorry for your loss. Life can be short when we want it to be longer. We lost my brother in law suddenly Dec 2022 (the same day our Dad died in 1981) and his son was right there when his Dad collapsed and died. I feel your pain and loss and hope you find good support and counseling to help your kids and you through this big life change. While it is so hard to be positive, how lucky you were both to have each other and know what was obviously a wonderful love story. Catherine
Hi Anna
I cannot imagine what you and your children are going through. It’s made me very sad to hear you have lost your soul mate Phil. There are times we believe it will never happen to us or we are invincible but sadly life reminds us that we are not. You have been super brave in sharing your news especially with people that have never met you or Phil. Thankyou. I hope as time passes, you can reminisce and remember all the good times you shared with him and knowing that you can take some comfort in that he will always be watching down on you and your children. I pray you and your family become stronger during this time. It’s lovely to hear how you have a team of people to support you and judging by your videos, they love you and your family. My heart goes out to you and your family! ❤️
Anna,
There is nothing as devastating as losing someone important to you and your life, but Phil obviously left you with many gifts: your children, caring, moving forward, finding balance, seeing good in the world. For those days when that isn’t enough, it is okay to cry and to let others know what you are feeling and needing.
Though I have found it necessary to take a break from painting while I continue writing, I was always impressed with your generosity and caring spirit. That will stay with you, and I will be back.
Hugs to you and your family.
I fell so very, deeply sad on hearing this news, Anna. No words can help, really, but you will know that your huge, extended Nature Studio family are sending you and your children so much love, light and healing, and hope that makes a small difference as you negotiate this extremely difficult path. You bring so much joy to so many and it will come back to you. With gratitude to you and Phil for your shining lights, and sincere love to you and your children. Colleen
I am so sorry to know about your huge loss. I read the whole post and the dedication page and my heart cried for you. Managing two small kids single-handedly while taking care of your art business is a tough job. I hope you will find help and support from your family and friends. You made the right decisions – taking out time to heal, sharing your pain with us, and getting back to painting. Thanks so much for sharing your pain with all of us.
Meeta (A former student of your art school and a big fan of your watercolor paintings)
Words are insufficient and, in my experience with major loss, only help because they show people care. Responding to heartfelt words rarely helped me, so do not feel a need to do so. Having experienced major losses at a young age myself, I know you are absolutely right in saying “Through is the only way.” Moving Through your life as it is now is all you can do. Do whatever you need for you and your children and rear them to be the sensitive and capable adults they are meant to be, taking comfort that Phil is somewhere in the background negotiating the best possible life he can for you and them. (I am convinced my mother has been doing so since she died years ago when she was 41 and I was 19. I had an experience the morning I learned of her death that convinced me that she continued on in a different form after death. Look for signs of that and take comfort from them.) Below is a story we have found comforting in times of loss. I pasted it from a website for someone named Steven Trapp, but it said it wasn’t secure so I didn’t want to copy a link.
The Dragonfly
Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads,
there lived a little water beetle in a community of water
beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond
with few disturbances and interruptions.
Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of
their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and
would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their
friend was dead, gone forever.
Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge
to climb up that stem. However, he was determined that he would
not leave forever. He would come back and tell his friends what
he had found at the top.
When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the
surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so
warm, that he decided he must take a nap. As he slept, his body
changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful
blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body
designed for flying.
So, fly he did! And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole
new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never
known existed.
Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking
by now he was dead. He wanted to go back to tell them, and
explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been
before. His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.
But, his new body would not go down into the water. He could
not get back to tell his friends the good news. Then he
understood that their time would come, when they, too, would
know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off
into his joyous new life!
~Author Unknown~
There are no words that will make you feel any better now. If there were, I would write them all here for you. I was out of the country, in Germany when my father passed and I remember the grief was more than I thought I could handle. But I did. Eventually. YOu will be better in time I guess.
Yes, raise your children to be images of him for he sounds like a wonderful spirit. Don’t hold back all of your tears from them, they need to see you cry so they know it’s ok. We are all here for you too. This community will wrap their arms around you and bring. you any comfort they can. I was a single parent of two for 12 years and I know it’s hard but it was also one of the best times of my life and I miss it very much.
You are in my heart.
Heartbreaking, thank you for sharing. My prayers for you and your beautiful family. Desirata is also my favorite. May your art and memories help in your healing. Hugs!
Oh Anna, I am so sorry to hear of your loss! Your husband sounds like he was such a wonderful being. A quote from the Dalai Lama comes to mind, ” Just as the ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into the water, the actions of individuals can have far reaching effects.” It appears as though your husband surely has had far reaching effects. His ripples have traveled far and wide. Although there really are no words that can take the pain away, please know that you and your children are held in love by many.
“I need to live the rest of my life as a love letter to Phil”—such a wonderful, wonderful tribute to your kind, loving Phil. I’m so sorry for your loss, Anna.
Dear Anna,
I am so sorry for all that might have been. I am so sorry for you and your children.
My deepest condolences.
Dearest Anna,
I am so sorry for your loss. Although I don’t “know” you or your husband, outside of your watercolor lessons… I cried reading your post.
I am an End Of Life Doula, so I live and work with death all the time, although the “work” is NOT sad, hearing how death affects people can be very sad.
When we lost MY nanny, my son was just 4. We all loved Cecilia beyond measure, my love for her has kept her alive in my heart these 32 years. You are right about children being resilient…when Cecilia died, I used my sons favorite hand puppet to explain death to him (it is such a difficult thing for children to comprehend~heck is hard for us too!) I put the puppet on my hand, and moved it a bit, then took my hand out of the puppet and said something to the effect of think of Cecilia like this puppet…what made her talk and move is no longer here, what we have is just the shell of her. That seemed to make sense to a four year old. He proceeded to make a card for her, mailing it to heaven (I still have it) he “drew” himself with wings saying he couldn’t wait to see her again in heaven.
I like how the Bahai speak of death…they liken it to being in a mothers uterus before birth. Babies have no idea what’s outside their little safe kingdom then BANG they’re born. The Bahai believe right here right now “WE” live in lifes “uterus” we don’t know what’s coming next. I CAN tell you that in the EOL doula business, we often notice how people that are dieing “see” people who have gone on before them.
I realize this is a tremendous shock for you and your family, please know that your devoted students out here, wish you and your children, only the very best always.
May the knowledge that your love for your husband will keep him alive in your heart for as long as your heart beats. Thank you for sharing such a hard story with the public.
HUGS, Francesca
For whatever reason Anna you have been asked to respond to this immense challenge.
Perhaps you don’t yet see the strength in the words you have written but I suspect your
equally strong husband is doing his best to help you. Listen to him, your intuition, then rest, listen again and you will know what to do. May peace be with you. Sincerely Valerie Davis
Dear Anna-
My heart breaks for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing this most difficult time of your life with all of us in such a beautiful way. Your husband has left a legacy among all those he touched and what a legacy indeed. It may sound a bit off, but we’re blessed by those who have left us or been taken from us because in that are all the unforgettable memories we have to return to and cherish.
Be well,
Marianne
Anna, your post has moved me to tears. Your bravery shines through the page. Your grief tangible. Your wee babies will have many ups and downs but they will pull from the strength you have shown by writing this post.
Whilst my story is different to yours it has left an indelible mark on my mental health. It will be 5 years in January. My eldest son disappeared he just packed his belongings and left. Leaving his then 10 year old son and his wife. The shock and the stress of not knowing if he was alive or dead pushed me over the edge into a dark chasm of despair. My husband had to take control of my medication as he caught me on more than one occasion ready to take them all. I was given a CPN who visited weekly, it was her who suggested that I try something creative. I took up watercolour by doing a free session first, I wasn’t very good but I enjoyed losing myself in it. I then took up drawing which I really do enjoy. I’m in no way fully recovered but I’m getting there very slowly.
Take all the love and help you need whilst you navigate through the future months. Love your babies and never stop letting them know that they will always have a very special person in heaven who will always watch over them.
Much love is being sent from my home to yours
Debbie
My heart breaks for you and your family. His presence to all he met lives on.
Dear Anna
I’m so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear husband and best friend. He was obviously a Gem of a man. I hope over time you can bask in the beautiful memories you made together. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to heal.all your subscribers will be sending you warm hugs from a distance.
I am so sorry to hear your sad news.I send condolences to you and your family.x
I am so sorry Anne I hope you can find peace with your children…your beloved husband will be forever with you in your heart as long as you remember him with love and gratitude..my deepest sympathy and love. Alondra
I am so sorry for your loss, nothing fills the hole of loosing a spouse. Sending love and strength to help you through.❤️
Reading this page was heartbreaking, I’m so sorry. It does feel as you described (the grief). I’m so glad you’ve kept in touch, I haven’t been an active member since my husband died. I haven’t picked up the brushes again. Maybe someday. Keep me on your mailing list please. God bless you and give you comfort and peace, as He has done for me.
So sorry to hear of your husbands passing. He sounds like a wonderful and amazing person. He was so gifted in so many ways. My heart goes out to you and your children. I will be praying for you and your family.
Chère Anna,
Je vous transmets mes plus sincères condoléances ainsi qu’à votre famille. Mes pensées vous accompagnent.
Pour avoir vécu la perte d’une personne chère à mon cœur, je peux comprendre votre peine.
Un petit pas à la fois, être bien entourée et se souvenir des moments heureux vous aideront grandement à entrevoir l’avenir un peu moins difficile.
🙏💖
Anna, I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Thank you for sharing with us all. Sending you my love and prayers at this very difficult and sad time. xx
May the Lord bless you and comfort you. Thank you for the sweet light that you share despite your loss.
Dear Anna, my heart goes out to you and your children. I cannot imagine the utter devastation such a loss has brought you. Phil sounds like a really wonderful person and his loss will be felt by many. Thank you so much for sharing your sad news with us and l hope your art will continue to support you in the times ahead. God bless!
Oh, dear sweet Anna, I am grieving now as well and am writing to share a virtual hug.
Anna, thank you for reaching out. Jesus wept. He knows our every weakness, yet in Him we have all we need. God is LOVE. Praying that you can feel His loving arms about you and the children, all your family and friends too. May God comfort you all, His Holy Spirit shine within your hearts, and as Jesus intercedes daily in prayer for us all when we don’t even know what to pray, sustain you always fulling you with love, joy and peace, No one can take away all the special loving memories you share with Phil.
Sincerest condolences.
With Our Saviour God, you will come through all the difficult days. I pray that Phil is not just in your past, he will be in your future too as you lean on Jesus and trust Him always, Sandra XXX
My love and spirtiual hugs to you and your family Anna. Thank you for your generous openess in sharing your personal story to this wonderful virtual community you’ve created through sharing your gifts and talent.
Jana
Dear Anna, reading what happened to your wonderful family was heartbreaking. Inspite of I never met you, reading your blog and following your tutorial made me feeling you like a dear friend. I remember how I was happy when you wrote of your so desired pregnancy, so much that I knitted a little cardigan for your baby. It was like you were belonging to my family…. And now this new from you is so sad and terrible
Forgive my bad english and let me send my biggest hug to you and your kids together with my prayers for all of you.
You will be a great mum for your children!
Love
Elisabetta
Oh, Anna. I am heartbroken for you, your family and Phil’s many friends. Painting from your school brought great joy into my life. I know now that Phil was a part of those lessons. I echo the sentiments expressed in these comments. Know, too, that you are loved in the best way this Internet offers. Sending love and comfort.
Anna, So sorry for your loss. I was so busy having a pity party, I didn’t see anything different. Yes, I haven’t been active in your wonderful art program, but I see and read your emails, and watched the videos. Saying, I should get back to that. One of my best friends and great artist, lost her husband last year. She has been sketching for years, but took it more seriously to deal with the grief and sorrow. Hoping you keep being strong and enjoy your children and family with the great memories of Phil. Thanks for sharing your artistic talents with me, I sure they will help me find my own. Nice to have you tell us of your loss, and caring about us. Glad I meet you!
Oh, dear Anna – I was so sorry to read about your loss of your Phil and so profoundly shocked. Thank you for allowing comments so people who care about you can send good thoughts to you and your kids. With our deepest sympathy and love to you, Patrice Robertie, Oct 15 2024
Dear Anna, I am shocked and saddened by this news. I’m in my late 70s, and I am always so upset when a young person dies. Vibrant, young people shouldn’t die. Your Phil sounds like an amazing husband and father, and I know that the good works and kind words he made part of his life will continue to live in the memories of all who knew him and all who know of him through you. I will hold you and your children in my heart and pray for you.
Dear Anna,
I can’t think of words to express my sadness at your news but please know that I’m thinking of you at this difficult time.
Much love,
Ann
Dear Anna and your darling family,
Grief can feel like a roller coaster, with moments when it seems impossible to climb out of the darkness, and others when you feel just a bit lighter, like maybe today the pain won’t feel as overwhelming. Slowly, you start to find your footing, only to be pulled back into the depths when you least expect it.
It may sound daunting, but it’s so important to give yourself permission to navigate this loss in your own way, at your own pace. Please, take the time you need. There’s no right or wrong here—only what works for you.
Your paintings have always been a source of comfort for me, and I hope that, in time, they can be a source of healing for you too. I know this path isn’t easy, but I believe you will find the strength within yourself—and for your children—as you move through this journey.
With love and understanding,
Chani Schreibhand
My sincere condolences. I know your pain, my heart goes out to you.
Hugs, Payge
Anna, I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. I know your grief is deep and wide, and it will take a long time for you to realize your new “normal”. My prayers to you and your children at this most difficult time.
What a touching tribute to your husband and I am so sorry for your and your childrens’ loss. I love that art is helping you during these times.
Anna, there really are no words to express how saddened I am to hear your story. Please know you are held safely in the hearts of so many. Your art and your beautiful children will keep you moving forward. Your tribute to Phil is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Dear Anna,
So sorry to hear of your great loss and I will keep you all in my prayers. Phil will live on in you and the children as you honor his memory. I know that one day you will see him again. He is close by and I am sure so proud of you as his wife, companion, mother to his children and friend to so many. I pray God’s choicest blessings to be yours and that you can find comfort and peace.
Mary
Anna – thank you for trusting us with your sorrow and pain. I am so heartbroken for your loss. I hope you can read these messages slowly over time and find in them some balm for your soul. Phil sounds like a wonderful man whom you were so lucky to have in your life. He has changed you forever and allowed your life to be the rich gift that it is and has been to so many. Even before this, it was clear that your heart touched the souls of so many beyond just guiding us in painting. Sending much love, warmth, and hugs to you. Your children are so fortunate to have you as their mother, and Phil lives on in each of you. Be well. Continue on the path. Hold yourself tenderly.
Kathryn
I am so sorry for your loss Anna. You are all in my thoughts, I hope light and joy find their way to you all again soon. All the best, and love.
There are so many beautiful and caring words written above to you dear Anna. May you find comfort in them knowing how much we all care for you and your Children. Phil was a remarkable beautiful soul and will be sorely missed..
My heart and love goes out to you ♥️xx
Dearest Anna,
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved husband and father to your darling children.
Your tribute to Phil broke my heart. I know how hard it is to loose a loved one.
You and your family will remain in my prayers. May you all find the love and strength to go on through life with joy and happiness.
Blessings to you all.
Ginny Beall
Dear Anna, it is very brave of you to share your grief and your story. Have faith and this too shall pass. Your creativity will be your biggest strength. My heart goes out to your children and you. They say time is a great healer but though your pain gets lesser it will never go away. Keep your wonderful Phil alive in your memory for always and the time you had spent together. With much love.
My dear Anna. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. But what a beautiful tribute you have written to Phil and how wonderful to have experienced such love and joy in your life.
Just 4 weeks ago my cousin who was only just 60 passed away in a similar manner. We didn’t know he had any heart problems and he just collapsed on the floor. No amount of CPR or defibrillation could bring him back and 40mins later he was pronounced dead. Undiagnosed cardiac arrest had caused a heart attack. This was the latest in a line of family and close friends passing away and others being really poorly and requiring major surgery over the last couple of years. It’s been so hard to deal with – but it must be so much harder for you having young children and with Phil being so much younger (we thought our cousin was too young as he was the youngest but one of us, but Phil’s loss must be even harder to come to terms with. Again, I’m so sorry – my heart goes out to you and your beautiful children. Xx
Dearest Anna, my heart is broken for you. Nothing I can say will help get you through this tragedy. This scenario is too close to home. Time and support from loving family and friends helps. Art is a life saver. Thank God for the previous time you had with your beloved Phil. I’ve been in your sphere for a long time, enjoying all your life events. Children and Phil. It was clear he was the light of your life. Sending hugs and love. Hoping to follow your journey. I’m no longer a member because my art has taken a turn, but I love watching you grow and share. To a happier future.
Love, love, love, Karen
Oh Anna, l am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the devastation that has resulted from such a terrible bereavement. Phil sounds like he was a truly special person and many will be touched by his loss. My heart goes out to you in your grief and l hope that your art will support and comfort you in the times ahead. Thank you so much for sharing your grief and sadness with us and l hope our thoughts and prayers will be of comfort. God bless you and your family Anna
I’m so sorry for your loss Anna. Grief is a hard emotion. We lost our son a year ago and a year later we still grieve his presence in our family. Please give yourself time, self care and time with GOD and you and your family will get through this season of grieving. Peace be with you all.
Sending you my very warmest wishes from Aotearoa New Zealand Anna. Thank you for your heartfelt sharing; I was so deeply touched to read about Phil, your family, and the way you are navigating this chapter. With aroha (love), Lisa x
Anna, my sincere good wishes to you and your family, and especially your children at this sad time. I share your grief and I know what it means to lose a very dear family member. Your beautiful photos are a testament to a much-cherished and beautiful family. Leslie –
Denver, Colorado
Oh Anna, l am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the devastation that has resulted from such a terrible bereavement. Phil sounds like he was a truly special person and many will be touched by his loss. My heart goes out to you in your grief and l hope that your art will support and comfort you in the times ahead. Thank you so much for sharing your grief and sadness with us and l hope our thoughts and prayers will be of comfort. God bless you and your family.
Thinking of you Anna and sending you prayers for you and your family xxx
Dear Anna,
My heart goes out to you and your family…I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. He sounds like he was an incredible human being.
I, too, lost my husband to a sudden and fatal heart attack (7 years ago) when he was just 58 years old and I was 59. He was full of life and just getting prepared to go back to work after being off for the summer for shoulder surgery. An early morning walk on our street that sits along the Delaware River in Harmony Twp. NJ is where he was found unresponsive by a couple of our neighbors and then the ambulance squad. My son (then age 27), daughter (then age 24) and I were devastated. Like you said, life as we knew it was gone.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you though, now being a single parent. I’m hopeful for you all that they will provide a source of joy, strength and positivity to you in the spirit of your wonderful husband.
With much sympathy,
Lori F.
OMG Anna, I feel you. I don’t know how did you manage with little children. You are brave and wonderful.
In July 5th my man went to renew his drivinglicence, (here in Hungary every 5years need to go to the doctor usually they just examine the eyes but now the doctor asked for blood test and check heartbeat with EKG. And they called emergency to take him to the hospital. His pulse was 180 (he was well) and they cannot move down so made a surgery. Everything went well thanks God. But they didn’t let him home as they found he has heart failure. The nurse said that in our age our heart is working on 60% but his only 20% but if he take the 6 medicine he can live for 10 years. Well it is better than whar happened with your Phil but now I know that we never know when our live can turn upside down.
My heart is with you my sweet Anna.
Take care and warm hugs
Ildy
Anna thank you for sharing such heartbreaking news. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be sending out a prayer to you and the kids. Many blessings as you move forward and through the many changes ahead.
Dear Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you the strength to face the future. Thank you so much for your school. I had a couple of years away but have recently returned. It wasn’t until I started painting again that I realised how vital the process is for my mental health. Thank you. XXX
Thank you for sharing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love to your family
Andrea
I’m so sorry to hear this, Anna. I lost my husband when I was 29 (he was 31). We had two small children, 6 and 4. It’s the hardest thing in the world. My heart aches for you and the kids. I know you’ll be alright, though. Sending all my love.
Dear Anna and girls,
You will be always in my deepest prayers for your healing and comfort now and in the years to come. You are among the most blessed who have been graced by the love of a wonderful husband, friend, and father. That love knows no end or limit but rather shines on in perpetual tribute.
Dear Anna,
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Phil sounds like an amazing person and partner and someone it was a privilege to know. I send my condolences and love to you and your beautiful children.
Before I read your sad news this am, I was waking up thinking about that photo you shared of Phil being squirted with water by Fern in your backyard. I was thinking, Anna lucked out. That is my idea of a perfect mate, one who let’s kids be kids.
Then I read your news and was in tears. What devastation and yes, all the rest was a dress rehearsal. I’ve had my share and know how traumatic and longlasting deep heartbreak can be. Creativity is a lifesaver, it reminds me everyday of the beauty in this world, regardless what is happening in my life or in the world. Sending you love!
Dear Anna
I was shocked and deeply saddened to hear of your loss.
I send you blessings and prayers and my heart is with you and your family.
That is heartbreaking news. Please accept my deepest condolences to you, your children, your families and your work family. ❤️🩹
Dear Anna
I don’t think that anything that I write will ever be enough to convey my deepest condolences to you, your family and all of Phil’s tribe. Reading this blog post you shared just shows that this world has lost a very special person. His light will continue to shine through you, your children and all who were lucky enough to meet him.
I’m so sad for you and your young daughters. Hopefully they will always remember the joy he brought to their lives. I wish you strength to continue on with your family and your business. You are so talented and open-hearted. Sending you love and hugs.
Anna I’m so very sorry for your loss. You are a strong and brave woman and I thank you for sharing your story with all of us! May God bless you and your kids in an extraordinary way.
Much love, Pamela
Dear Anna, My heart is breaking for you on the loss of your dear husband Phil. A little over a year ago, our daughter lost her husband to a tragic, freak boating accident. He left behind not only his wife, but 2 children ages 22 & 19, his Mother who is still having a hard time coping and an older brother. Rob was only 53 when he left us, way too young to be gone so soon. It’s been a struggle for our whole family. He never got to see his son graduate from college last May nor will he get the chance to walk his daughter down the altar someday when she marries. Please know that my heart breaks for you and your family too and I will be keeping you in my prayers daily. I applaud you for your courage to go on, but go on you must. I love being a member of NatureStudio and look forward to all your future work. Stay strong and God Bless You!!
Dear Anna,
I am so so sorry to hear your sad news. I remember several years back when your son was born, I sent you some baby clothes from Bangladesh where we were living at the time. I received some really lovely emails from Phil. I could tell what a wonderful person he was and how happy I felt knowing that you’d found a soulmate.
I’m now living in the US, lying down as I’ve recently got a herniated disc, and crying for your loss.
Please know that I’m holding you, your little ones and the rest of your family in my heart ❤️. Jenny xxx
Dear Anna, Thank you for your trust and courage in sharing your painful story of the loss of your beloved husband Phil. You and your family are cradled in my heart and I am grateful for your many gifts that you have shared to elevate peace and beauty on earth.🙏❤️🌹
So, so sorry for your loss xx
I am so very sorry to read this. I can only imagine your anguish. Losing a soulmate is indescribable but you and your husband have created the most incredible family of artists. I have had so much inspiration and pleasure from your tutorials. I have learned so much about colour mixing, shading, layering and I can remember the exact time, frame of mind and day of every painting I have done
I hope your own family and the amazing family you have crested through your work will give you some comfort as you move on with your life, you are hugely appreciated
My sister was a beautiful artist and I always thought that gene skipped me. All her art supplies were passed to my daughter who also has that special talent, who now creates with my sister’s tools. My sister was 52 when she died and I’d never picked up a paint brush but I saw your poppy tutorial and it led me to paint and find the solace. Now my daughter and I use my sister’s tools to paint together.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s huge but you feel find your way through.
Anna, as I read your blog, I cried too. I am 75 this year and it occurred to me when reading about your 13 years with Phil how many people, over a lifetime, never experience the kind of love you describe. Loving energy to you, Ben, and Fern.
Dearest Anna,
I can feel your watercolor tears and cried along with you as I read them.
Your heartfelt words, describing your devastating loss have touched us all so profoundly. I hope you can feel buoyed or comforted by our genuine support.
Your family photos exude so much love and joy –
I’m happy to know you have such images to cherish always. .
Sending you as much light & love as you have shared with us.
Blessings to you & your children, Lisa
(ps: Thank you for sharing your exquisite talent and inspiring me to become a better artist. It matters greatly.)
Your story brought tears to to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. You are a brave women and you have excellent coping strategies to get through this trying time. You truly are an inspiration and I wish you lots of courage. As I read in the comments there are so many people who feel with you. Wishing you all the best!
Dear Anna, I’m so terribly sorry for this tremendous loss of your husband and father to your children. It is truly heartbreaking. My words may not be of much comfort but I would like you to know that I believe in a here-after life and an eternal family. I believe that Phil will continue to look after his family. And that you will be together again some day. May You be uplifted, fortified and carried through until that day comes. 🙏
It breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for you guy’s inspiration.
Russell
I was shocked and saddened to about your husband and I am thinking of you and your family at this time..
Dear Anna, I am so sorry for your loss…I always think of the words the late Queen said on grief; that it is the price we pay for love. And the love you had for your husband Phil shines through everything you write about him. I experienced loss at a young age and more than 30 years later I can see how that shaped my life. It is truly life-changing. But I also know that everything good in me is testament to their love. The people we loved are never truly gone and that comforts me when I feel the pain of their absence.
Thank you for sharing with us the love you and Phil put into Nature Studio.
My condolences to you and your family. Sending you and your children lots of love.
So sorry to hear about the sudden loss of Phil. Such sad news. Sending prayers for you and your family. X
Dear Anna
Sorry to hear of your tragic loss and I present my condolences to you and your children. Your husband Phil and you have given so much happiness to so many people that we send you our support in this time of need. Much love.x
I am profoundly sorry. An unexpected death at a young age is one of the most difficult experiences that any person can experience. I lost my husband in February; I am 78, and he was one month short of his 90th birthday. We had been together for 18 years – a love with no boundaries. He nursed me through Stage IV rectal cancer, and I survived despite all odds. Then, a few years ago, he began to have problems with his balance and then began to fall—finally, a diagnosis – a rare neurological disease with no treatment and no cure. I have always believed that I survived my cancer to care for him. There is no quick fix for grief. It comes and goes in waves. Eventually, I believe that you will experience gratitude – realizing your good fortune to have met and married him and had two beautiful children with him. And you are right – art helps heal our broken hearts. I am so sorry and am sending you my deepest sympathy.
Anna, I cried and cried as I read your post. I can’t imagine how horrible and traumatic this was for you and how challenging the days ahead have been and will be. Thank you for being open and sharing this with us all. What a great man Phil was! Forever in your memories. There is nothing anyone can do but express their love and support. I know you will work ‘through’ this and find a way to have some inner peace. All the best to you Anna and your children. Lisa
Dear Anna
Thank you for being so brave to share this with the world.
You have already suffered significant losses in life and this is another unexpected twist. I don’t know why some of us get more than our fair share of sadness. You are already a survivor and, although it’s trite to say, from experience I know that you will find the strength to carry on.
Like you I had to deal with cancer at a young age – I had breast cancer diagnosed at age 36 when I was pregnant and lost the baby. The chemotherapy then triggered an early menopause.
My husband was an alcoholic and I felt like a single parent for much of the marriage. After many years of emotional abuse we eventually separated when my younger son left school. He died suddenly 6 months later at age 56.
I live a very full life with lots of supportive friends and have had subsequent relationships. But I’m proudest of my 2 sons who are now in their 30s and leading successful and happy lives despite the lack of a father.
You’re right to say that children are very resilient if they have loving support and in the long term I’m sure your children will appreciate your strength in providing that security.
I hope you are being supported yourself as it is easy to submerge yourself in motherhood as a distraction from grieving. Don’t let anyone tell you when you should be “over it”. We learn to live with the grief for losses and we all deal with these differently.
Your wonderful husband would want you to live your best life even though it can’t be the one you’d hoped for.
You have already brought much joy to others in your life – especially Phil and your children. I will think of you and your family every time I look at your beautiful prints on my kitchen wall.
With very best wishes for the unknown future. Susan
There are no words to describe the devastating loss that you and your children have experienced. I appreciated reading about Phil and about your ongoing love of each other and your beautiful children. Somehow. someway you will get through this but you will be a changed woman. Embrace the happy moments and accept the difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am deeply sorry to hear the sad news Ana. Thanks for sharing and I am sure you will find the strength you need to move forward. As you said, it is still a beautiful world! With love, Annita.
Anna,
I am so sorry to learn of Phil’s death. I too became an instant widow 2 years ago. No one who hasn’t gone through it, understands the grief, pain and emptiness you feel. Your children will help you heal as well as your little business keeping you busy. There is a program called Grief Share that I want to recommend to you. Though staying busy keeps your mind occupied your soul needs to be healed and this program does help. Find one at a church near you. Wish I could reach across the Atlantic and give you a hug.
With Deepest Sorrow,
Susan McGillicuddy
This is just so heartbreaking. It happens so fast it feels like you can’t breathe and you’ve been punched in the gut. Please step away and let yourself grieve and heal. If you need community, do it; if you need privacy, do it. Everyone talks about healing, but the grief is overwhelming and necessary. Much love going forward. Been there.
Dear Anna, I am saddened by your news. I had to stop and read about your experience and the wonderful husband and father that left this earth so suddenly. I am glad to know that you have such a supportive staff. I will keep you and your little ones in my prayers.
Ahh Anna, I can hear the love through your words, I see his wonderful smile reflected in the kids faces, what a sweet precious journey the two and then four of you have travelled. You are already wise to the tough lessons of grief. I hope you continue to grow and learn and heal. Sending much love your way!!
I’m so sorry for your loss. He was taken much too soon. I lost my husband too in a similar way., very unexpected, 5 years ago. We were married 3 months short of 50 years and had planned to have a party for family and friends. It was hard to go on, I remember wishing it was me not him, but I have wonderfujl memories in my heart and I treasure every moment of his life, art has been a very big part of my life and very healing to me and I hope your art will help you through your journey. Thank you for sharing, please know you are loved.
Dear Anna, I cannot even being to share how very sorry I am about your loss of Phil.
And so unexpectedly.
I also do want to share that I could not be that active with my art as the chqemo and radiation caused me some serious vision problems. But it has gotten much better and my cancer is now in remission. I am now able to start doing my art. I want to share that I am finally getting my nonprofit started I had already been planning to do something on Epilepsy and SUDEP I have had Cardiac Arrest several times since I developed epilepsy in 1960. I was just fortunate that someone could do CPR immediately. I will gladly add raising funds for Heart problems like Phil had. And I will do both the British Heart Group as well as the American Heart Association. I have really been touched in my heart about what you said about your dear Phil and his having a younger brother with Down’s Syndrome as well as his work with Youth with disabilities. I do not know if you are aware but I sponsor children in Uganda. Ethiopia, and Kenya. through ChildFunde International With the nonprofit I have started I will also be helping Imprint Hope In Uganda.. This organization is a rehabilitation and medical organization to help very low income families who have a child with disabilities. Would it be okay for me to Sponsor a child with disabilities through this organization in memory of Phil for you? I can set the sponsorship up so you and your children can write to this child and family. I will though pay the sponsorship fee for you. I won’t be able to do this until next January or February asi Had get a new wheelchair and pay all my medical bills for the cancer treatment. I am funding all my work with my art and writing. From your description of Phil, I can almost see him doing something just like this, Anna. I have worked in Africa for over 30 years and know how a little help can make so much difference. And all the kids I have help are so full of enthusiasm and love.
Anna, I am just so sorry about your loss of Phil. I do understand how you feel. I just want you to know that I have experience loss like that myself. And it is so very hard. But you will make it Anna and so did I. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers every day. I want to close by sharing with you, a cancer survivor, that my own cancer is now in remission. Thank you so very much for helping me to be part of your wonderful school, Anna. Love your friend Jo Ann Koepke
Dear Anna
I am so sorry to have read your terribly sad news. I cried as I read it as although I don’t know you personally, you have been in my life, helping me to learn to paint and because I “found you” during the pandemic your voice on my iPad in my kitchen helped me through my own personal sad times as I lost myself in the painting process.
You are being very strong because the power of his love is sustaining you and helping you to stay strong for the children. I hope that your painting continues to give you comfort and that the outpouring of kind words from your community help in some small way.
Much love
Jakki
Dear Anna. My words feel inadequate after reading about the loss of your precious soul mate Phil. He was a very special man. Sending you and your family much love and caring.
Oh my…
I am sorry… he was so young…
May God bring you peace and royally clothe you in comfort you on the hard days…..I will be praying for all of you…
❤️
Dearest Anna,
Thank you for sharing with us about your devastating loss. Thank you too for sharing about your Phil. I have always loved the way you are so open and honest. What a wonderful husband and father he was. I am so sorry that Phil died so young and so suddenly.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and with Ben and Fern too.
I totally understand why you haven’t been able to do much these last 6 months. You are doing so well to be able to share this terrible loss with us at this stage.
With lots of love and hugs and prayers for you and your dear children.
From Elizabeth in Tasmania
Dear Anna, sending my deepest condolences to you and your children. Be kind to yourself and the community you created together with Phil will be here to support you in any way we can. Hugs and lots of love. Anne
Dear Anna, I am shocked and deeply sad for your sudden and devastating loss of your beloved Phil, and hope and pray that you and the precious children will stay strong and positive…..a dear little “unit”. Your grief must be almost unbearable, and there will be many days and nights when you just have to HOWL, and cry those salty tears. You are such a beautiful, talented and loving girl, with hundreds of friends and supporters, and I hope you can remain strong. Keep on painting, and in time, you WILL be able to laugh again. God bless you, and your 2 Angels, and remember how loved you are by all of us “amateur” painters whom you have inspired. With lots and lots of love, Patricia Pennefather xxxx
A beautiful tribute. So sad for you and your children but you will come through with those memories
Dear Anna,
My heart aches for you and your precious children. Your husband was clearly a treasure and his passing will, no doubt, bring hard days. Thank you for sharing your sad news with your painting community so we can wrap our arms around you in support and love. May God bless you and keep you in the days ahead.
Warmly,
Jean Magnes
Dear Anna
I am so sorry to hear about your Phil. I can’t imagine anything worse. Platitudes are meaningless but all you can do is to remember the joy you had with Phil and your two little ones.
My thoughts are with you
Margaret
Dear Anna, please accept my sincerest condolences to you and your beautiful family. I’m not good with words at the moment, but please know that you are and will be in my thoughts every time I look at your beautiful painting that hangs in my sitting room. With love, Maria
Dear Anna
I am so sorry to hear about your Phil. It must have been an appalling experience. All you can do. is remember the joy you had with him and your little ones..
Take care
Thinking about you
Margaret
Anna I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though your husband was a wonderful person. I just want to share – I experienced loss and difficult health issues earlier this year and found myself in a very dark place mentally and emotionally. We happened to go on a vacation and the bed and breakfast where we stayed had a beautiful garden that I watched the magic of nature take place each day. I then started taking notice of nature and my surroundings. It gave me more of a sense of hope and peace. I, for whatever reason, decided to take up watercolor painting, just hoping to capture some of that beauty in my work. I came upon your Nature Studio site and knew I had found a special place. Just what I needed. I have enjoyed watching the tutorials and have tried my hand at a few, with plans to do many more. I am out of my dark place but still healing. Your site has been invaluable in that process for me. Thank you for sharing your story. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you for your work in the studio. Stay strong. ❤️
Anna, I’m so sorry for your loss. In every word you wrote about him I can read your love and grief.
The post made me cry for you and your two young children.
I know loss and I know the pain. With love….🫶
Ilona
(Hope the words are right…I’m Dutch…)
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking but great life. We support the Canadian heart foundation! May God bless you with much future happiness and joy and always wonderful memories! Looking forward to your classes and videos! Best of healing love!
Anna
What a wonderful tribute to your husband. I felt as though I knew him. I too lost my husband, Barrie to sudden cardiac arrest. We had been married for 44years and had raised our children and had grandchildren and two great grandchildren. He was 64.
I stumbled on art by accident when I was at a very low point and I can honestly say it has been a life saver for me.
It will be for you as well. Nine years on I can tell you that there will be joy in your life again.
My deepest sympathies. Be kind to yourself. ❤️
Oh Anna I was so saddened to read your email and hear of your terrible loss. I can’t tell you how inspirational your beautiful art is and how much I enjoy your entire aura of light and kindness that radiates from you in every video. I see that love was always there. Will be thinking of you and your family. Please know your work, and your husbands’, has impacted me for years as the best example of nature in art presented in a generous and uncritical way.
This is heart breaking to read. I am so desperately sorry for your loss.
Dearest Anna
So tragic! I remember you both together before the kids. He truly was your rock, your biggest supporter.. your life is indeed better because he was there. His legacy lives on. This is so horribly hard…blessing my sweet!
Oh, my heart breaks for you and your children. I wish for nothing but the best for you and your family as you deal with this incredible loss.
My heart goes out to you and your little ones . Your Phil sounded like a truly wonderful husband and daddy. You have a rocky road ahead, and with the support of your family and friends you will get through. You have a wonderful gift and talent,. You are and will be an inspiration to many. My prayers for you and yours x
Sending you much love Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. Both you and your children are very much in my thoughts x
Dear Anna and family,
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Nothing prepares you to deal with the loss of your husband and life changes in an instant. My heart truly goes out to you and really hope you continue with your beautiful art work and hope it helps you to heal as it did me.
So sorry to hear this heartbreaking news. Thank you for sharing so bravely and vulnerably. It was lovely to learn about the huge impact that Phil had on the community here and everything you created together.
Anna, it is so sad to see something so devastating happen to someone like you…you bring so much joy to people’s lives through your teaching, beautiful art work, and inspirational messages. Thinking of you, your family, friends, and team. So sorry for your loss.
My heartfelt sympathies to you and your children. Thank you for being so open and sharing your grief with strangers who consider you a friend.
What a wonderful husband and father. I am sorry for your loss. Sending love to you and your family.
Anna, I am praying for you right now. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that the Lord will bring you comfort at this time. I know He loves you!
Lamento mucho tu experiencia, perdona que escriba en español pero para mi es más fácil así, yo viví una experiencia también muy dura con la muerte de mi papá y es increíble lo que el tiempo nos ayuda a sanar y espero que poco a poco el tiempo también los ayude a ti y a tus preciosos niños; Muchas gracias por compartir tus pensamientos, realmente es una preciosa historia que recordar, te envío un fuertisimo abrazo desde mi país Guatemala. 🤗 y sigue pintando! Sigue adelante con tu página ya que es el sueño de tu esposo y tuyo y es un gran tesoro que cuidar. 🥰
Dear Anna and family
My heart goes out to you. How brave of you to write and I hope you find some peace again one day. Painting as you say is great solace and healing. Much love and thank you sharing. Xx
I am so saddened to read about this heartbreak Anna. Your and Phil’s work have brought me much joy over the years. They say heartache is the feeling of your heart being full of love, but there is no longer anywhere for it to go. I know there must be thousands of us out here sending virtual hugs and wishing all the best for you and your children.
Anna, I am so deeply saddened by your news. Thank you for sharing the heartwarming story of your life with your wonderful husband. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through.
Thinking of you, Ben, Fern and your family during this difficult time.
Love Deanne 💕
I’m shocked by your terrible news! My condolences! Such a blow to loose the love of your life and to find a way to support your children in such a period! I wish health and strenth to find your way forward in this tragedy.
Galina
❤️
This is an immensely sad story, Anna, and you will be the first to say that it happens to so many people all over the world – young people die suddenly and we are left bewildered by it all. Thank you for your classes and for your honest account of Phil’s death. So many people use silly euphemisms these days, e.g “passed” or “passed away” because they are even afraid of the word DIED. You were not afraid to tell us. Bless you.
Dear Anna,
So sorry to hear what has happened. So sorry for your loss.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
So, So sorry to hear this sad news. My deepest condolences to you. May God strengthen you and give you His peace as you move forward to give joy to the world through your beautiful paintings.
Anna,
My heart breaks for you and your children! I will remember you in my prayers that God will give you strength and peace. Remember the good times and wrap yourself in Phil’s love on those evenings when your heart misses his warmth. I truly believe love never dies when someone so close is taken. He is always with you.
Love, Sam Marthaler
Feeling for you so deeply, Anna, and so sorry for your loss. May you find peace and strength in exactly the amount you need each day as you carry on. With love across the pond, Renay
Am so sorry to hear your devastating news Anna. Sending you and your family deepest sympathies.
Anna: I read your news and cried with you. Being much older, I have experienced losing loved ones so many times. And losing a soulmate is akin to losing a piece of your soul indeed. I know your children will grieve in their way with your help and will continue to grow and thrive because of the beautiful being that was their father and the beautiful being that is their mother, who has encouraged and inspired and brought beauty to so many. Their love and dependency on you will be the catalyst to move you through this unbearably sad sad time. Phil was right: it IS still a beautiful world and I thank God you are in it as you have taught me a way to age with grace and share my own soul through art.
Much love and healing light to you and your children
Dorothy Guy
Oh, Anna ……..how terrible for you!
My daughter had a heart attack when she was only 46. They can do nothing for her condition and now, two years later, I still live in fear of a phone call. I have been unable to paint even though I have tried. My heart goes out to you and your young children.You will be in my prayers, Anna.
Be as strong as you can be and enjoy your little children as much as ever.
Perhaps your painting will take you in another direction as you heal. Embrace all the help you can find to get you through this devastation. You are a good, kind, caring and extremely talented woman. You must survive and carry on as Phil would have wanted you to.
I already donate to the BHF, but will share this with friends in the hope that they might contribute to such a worthwhile Charity.
God bless you dear Anna.
Anna I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your beautiful family are in my heart and thoughts.
May I add my heartfelt condolences to all these lovely messages here.
Cherish your level of grief, for that only comes if you love.deeply. That love will never leave you.
Your art inspires so many of us, and now so does your personal story.
I am so sorry to hear your sad news and so unexpected for you and all your family and friends. Life can be really challenging at times and you have had more than your fair share. I find painting quite therapeutic and hope that it is for you too.
Sending my deepest condolences to you and all your family. Just try and be there for each other and take what time you need personally to get though.
Kindest regards
Joyce
Hi Anna ,many hugs and lots of love to you. Sorry for your loss of your wonderful soulmate Phil . May God give you all the strength to cope . You are trying your best and that’s how it should be , please continue your painting classes and writing , that’s where you find peace . There will be ups and downs , everyday looks like a challenge but diverting to children and your passionate job is the best thing you are doing .
I can relate to you so well becoz I lost my husband to thyroid cancer at 49 , 5 years back and on the top of it the most horrible thing is loss of my beautiful younger son at 18 yrs of age last year .. I am struggling and living like zombie but still trying to find happiness in helping people and doing my job as a doctor . Grief is really really tough but need to go through step by step with our loved ones in our heart , living their life too .
I was following you during covid times , learnt a lot from your classes and you are always my biggest inspiration . My son’s death shattered me and I stopped painting . Need to get back , will try my best . Thank you for your wonderful writing , sharing your story , with words which are really helpful to people like me in grief .
I am so sorry to hear your heart breaking news, my heart goes out to you and your children. I also lost the love of my life and soulmate just over 4 years ago now. I have never known pain like it. Both my parents died many years ago, of course I was devastated, but losing my husband Roy was a whole other level of grief, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I felt I was wearing a black heavy cloak I couldn’t lift myself, I was totally consumed with grief. A year later I turned to painting. I’d never painted before, but had always wanted to. It was my distraction. I found it helped me through. I’m not brilliant, but I don’t care, I love it. Roy was a performer, his aim in life was to bring joy and laughter into peoples lives, and he succeeded. I was a dancer so we were both creative people. I was told by a friend, “I was a whole person before I met Roy, and I will be again, I’ll just be a slightly different whole me”. I am becoming that person, as you will, sadly there’s not as much fun in her, although I try. The thing’s you want your children to be, they will be, it’s in their DNA from two soulmates. Keep going and be kind to yourself. X
Dear Anna, I am deeply sorry to hear of your loss. This is such a heartbreaking and challenging time for you and your family. Please know that I’m keeping you in my thoughts and sending blessings your way. You are in my prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you and your children nothing but the best. When I was grieving and got counselling my lifeline was art. It still is the thing that keeps me sane I think. For every person grieving is different and you need to take all the time you need to do so. I bottled up mine for so long it took a complete burnout to realise I needed help. I hope you won’t do the same and especially not for the kids. I am 52 and the trauma was there from the age of 17…..just gotten the help last year when I suffered another loss. So please don’t do what I did and keep talking.
Lots of love,
Hellen
Anna, I am so sorry for your loss, I wish I had a magic wand to make everything better. Phil sounds like one of life’s gems. I hope that your art will help you to heal while you navigate your new normal
Anna, What a heartfelt tribute to a wonderful man, husband, father, brother, son, friend… There are no magic words to help you through this grief. Grief is a very personal thing and everyone goes through it in their own way and time. Give yourself grace and take the time you need to get through to the other end where when you think of him, it brings a smile not a tear. I have been a member for a while and love your tutorials, but haven’t started yet. I’ve been going through a lot of health issues of my own. I haven’t painted in such a long while. I can no longer hold the brush for very long, but hope I can follow along with you to get my mind off my troubles. I do hope your beautiful art is therapy for you, too. Wishing you and your children the best.
Dear Anna, I feel so sorry for your loss, loosing your best friend, husband and companion must be a terrible feeling, I been nursing my beloving husband for two years, as he did have cancer,but he is getting much better and strong now, and I still caring for him, I thanks toGod that he is still with us.
I learn a lot of heart breaking , I loss my older daughter of only 29 years old with cancer as well, unfortunately she didn’t survive, and broke our hearts, and is why I was so extra worry and scare with my husband illness.
I will have you in my prayers.
I will have you in my prayers,and I hope God give you strength to learn to accept this terrible loss, and I am grateful to the people around you that give you such support.
You have your children that are the continuation of your beloved husband, they will help you you kerp on goung as yes , you need to be mother and father for them, but at the same time the willgive you the strength to keep on going .
God bless you always, yes you suffer already a lot, in your young life, but sometimes things happened beyond our understanding.
Thank you so much for that wonderful lessons, I am from zaustral7a, and been seen you classes fir few years, love your style as your classes are always full of calm and peace.
You are a wonderful teacher and person, and there are so many people that feel privileged to be helping by you and your with your wonderful gift of watercolour painting.
Be strong and remember your husband be always with you, in your heart, he may not be in person, but he will be your guardian angel from now on.
Everything you thi k of him, you talk about him, he is there next to you.
Sending you all my love and support.
Liliana Hurst
Wow! How incredibly sad to hear the news and cannot begin to think how you, and the children, have managed over these past six months and you continuing selflessly to keep so cheerful and supportive in your weekly newsletters.
It brought back very sad memories of a family friend with two young children and a husband who worked in police dog training and similar age to Phil, who woke one morning turned in bed and found her husband had died in the night of cardiac arrest unbeknown to her. This happened more than forty years ago yet still young people are dying despite the progress medicine has made in monitoring heart conditions.
My heart goes out to you Anna and though it’s not much am thinking of you and pleased to hear you are coming to terms with your loss and have two lovely children to remind you of your precious time with Phil. God bless you.
I’ve always admired your handiworks and now even more inspired by your strength and optimism, Anna.
Thanks for sharing how amazing Phil was. Cried for your loss; you were blessed to have him for as long as you had. May his memories comfort you and give you joy.
We’ll keep you and your children in our prayers.
With Love,
Lea & Ella
My heart aches for you and the children, Anna. I am so very, very sorry. Please keep in mind that you are surrounded with people who love, admire and respect you. I wish you strength — and may warm memories of Phil lift you. Thank you for sharing this devastating news with such sensitivity to us at a time when your heart is breaking. And thank you for making this world a nicer place. We all send you our unconditional love.
Iona xxx
Anna, I am so very sorry for this terrible sudden loss. I have no good words, as I am still processing the shock. You are so lucky to have had such a wonderful soulmate and have so many good memories. Please accept my condolences for this tragic loss. May he forever be in your heart.
Eileen
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I hope you don’t mind that I will be praying for you and your children. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us all; I hope that in doing so, it will help you in some small way.
I’m so sad to hear of your loss. Your classes have helped me get back into being creative! We just lost our 34 year old on July 3, 2024. She left behind her beautiful family (son 10, daughter 8, and wonderful husband). We are heartbroken and empathize with your loss and grief. Prayers for you and your family ♥️
Dear Anna, your letter brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine the heartbreak you have suffered as I still have my soulmate. Know that God is watching over you and your children.
Oh Anna I am so deeply deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful husband and soulmate. I grabbed hold of my face when I read the first few lines of your email and cried for you as I know only too well what the loss of a spouse brings so suddenly into your life where life as you knew ends so abruptly. I don’t think it’s talked about enough in society that it’s not just about the painful grief process which is devastating enough but that even as you try to move on every single part of your life’s routine left with them it’s like the world just stopped spinning. My husband passed in 2014 while out buying my Valentines Day flowers, placed them in the seat next to him and made the drive home but had a massive heart attack but fortunately he took the quieter country road home and had managed to pull barely off where he was found with his foot still on the brake and car running. The widow maker they call it as it’s so sudden. I live each day with loving thoughts of him when I awake and before I go to sleep each night as yes it’s true the pain gets a little easier as time goes on but the loss stays with you forever it becomes a part of you because they were your life. There will be days where you are just going about your day and a scent, a sound or a song or movie will bring your grief bubbling up as it reminds you of him. I experienced this sometime while out shopping and had to go back to my car to cry so people wouldn’t think I was insane. Please don’t let anyone tell you how long to grieve or that after a year you should be over it, grief takes time and has many stages. I only tell you these things because I wish people had told me how this would feel instead of constantly saying time will heal. In time you will replace the pain with all the beautiful memories you shared with him and your children. Let people know it’s ok to mention his name as many avoid the subject for fear of upsetting you and it’s good to talk about him.
I joined your art membership to help me get back into my art as the pandemic brought some grief back to the surface and even now sometimes I still find it difficult to sit down and paint so I’m a work in progress but have learned to experience my feelings of loss when they surface as it becomes part of your journey as you live on as I know my husband would want me to be happy. So Anna I wrap my arms around you with so much love and light and send healing to you and your children during this very difficult time. From a Scottish widow living in the USA…..much Love ♥️🕊️
Dear Anna,
I am so terribly sorry to read of your loss! What a dreadful shock!
I pray that your love of art and your Nature Studio will give you the strength you need to help you through these difficult times.
You and your little ones are in my prayers.
Vickie
I’m so sorry that this has happened to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your grief ss it may help many others to know they are not alone in these difficulties. Thank you also for your art and painting which had helped me alot. May the love you and Phil had sustain and comfort you and your children.
Much love
Mona
Such heartbreaking news but a beautiful legacy to be remembered and cherished. I am keeping you and your children in my prayers as you learn to live without Phil. May God hold you in Hi hands and draw you to Him as you grieve. Much love!
I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Phil. I just kept saying to myself, “Oh my God, oh my God”, as I read your email.
After I lost my two miniature schnauzers within 4 days of each other, I cried for weeks. I’ve never had a sole mate and can’t imagine the crushing pain and despair that you must feel. I’m sending you thoughts of strength and comfort. Im glad you have supportive family and friends around you.
My heartfelt condolences my dear😌
Adding my support and thanks to those above. Your videos are so warm and personable; we feel like we know you. But of course we are mostly unknown to you. Thanks for your courage in being vulnerable and sharing your story with us! Be as strong as you can be, keep your focus where it belongs, on you and your children, and let your staff continue to help you. Feel our support, from all corners of the world. Thank you for all the ways you have touched my life. With love and care…..
So sorry for your loss. How devastating for you and your family. My deepest condolences to you all.
Oh Anna, I am so so sorry. What a tragic loss for you, your children and the world. I am praying for strength, peace, and comfort for you as you move forward with such courage.
A wise spiritual director once said that out of great suffering comes great creativity. May that be so for you.
Dear Anna,
Thank you for sharing your intimate and tragic news with us in such a beautiful and sensitive way.
My heart goes out to you and your children and I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I have read all the lovely supportive messages from your Naturestudio community members all over the world. You have clearly touched the lives of many people. I hope they bring you comfort.
Sending you love from Australia.
Karla
Dear Anna and your sweet family, I am so sad to hear of your loss. You are so strong, and that you don’t deny your tears is part of that courage, and part of helping your little ones. I couldn’t read every word of your tribute this morning as, because we lost our beloved son-in-law in exactly the same circumstances 2 days before Christmas 2021, I so deeply understand your grief, and couldn’t read for tears. However I promise I will read every word you wrote in your beautiful tribute to Phil. How wonderful it is that you met and had your time together, and I’m sure your precious children share so many of his fine qualities. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Oh my…I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to know how devastated you feel and how hard these past months have been. I am new to you and your website but have fallen in love with your paintings and when I watch your videos I secretly envy what I perceive as your perfect life… being so talented and .doing what you love successfully in a beautiful environment. Then a terrible tragic event like this reminds me how fickle life can be and can change in an instance. This humbles me to remember to truly embrace and appreciate what we have when we have it and to make our life aim to make a difference and help our fellow man. Your husband is a truly wonderful person, as I believe you to be and although the road will be very hard, you will find the strength and courage to not only conquer it, but pave it for others to follow. All my heartfelt sympathy and best wishes….kath
Kära Anna
Jag känner igen din man i min egen man Lasse. Någon som alltid fanns tillhands för andra. En man som många än idag sörjer trots att han dog 2001. Kyrkan var fylld till bristningsgräns och blommor prydde altargången långt bak då de inte fick plats runt kistan.
Dagen efter han dött så fann jag vårt äktenskapsbevis och där stod ”nu ska ni två vara ett” – jag läste orden flera gånger och sa till min svärmor att det måste betyda att jag är halv nu. Min kloka svärmor då 91 år tröstade mig och sa: man ska inte överleva sina barn men jag förstår att jag har gjort det för att hjälpa dig och flickorna över sorgen. Vilket hon gjorde tills hon själv gick bort vid 97 år.
Mitt liv kantades av sorg under en lång tid. Mina föräldrar dog när jag var 41. Min man fick Parkinson vid 45 och hans hjärta slutade slå och han dog när han fyllde 55 år några dagar efter att vi varit gifta i 25 år. Jag var då 51 år. Jag kände mig gammal, rädd och tappade tron på mig själv. Min svärmor gick bort när jag var 57. Jag hade en vuxen dotter på 23 år och en dotter på 14 år där båda stod i startgropen för olika faser i livet. Ett stort ansvar med att vägleda dem båda när deras starke pappa lämnade ett så stort hålrum. Men jag lyckades och är så stolt över dem båda.
Nä sorgen upphör aldrig men den blir lättare att bära med åren. Lasse är alltid närvarande i våra liv, vi pratar ofta om honom och jag pratar ofta med honom och ber om råd. Jag träffade en ny man efter 10 år och han låter Lasse få leva kvar i alla våra minnen. Oerhört generöst.
Jag är idag 74 år och jag saknar honom fortfarande men skrattar lika mycket åt alla stunder som vi fick ha ihop. Så Anna när du kan hantera chocken och livet går vidare så minns alla roliga stunder ni fick ihop och låt stunderna få finnas med i olika sammanhang. Då finns han kvar.
Anna,
I am so sorry for your deep loss. I hope you can heal a little each day. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Anna, I’m so sorry to hear of your and the children’s loss. Phil has left you all with such loving memories to cherish…
Anna, I am so heartbroken for you and your family. Your blog post shares a lot of wisdom about feeling the pain and heartbreak–when my mom died suddenly (and also without warning), that was one thing that helped me get through it. Just feeling all of the heartbreak and crying when I needed to. Now, two years later, I have been able to process much of the grief instead of having it locked inside of me.
Thank you so much for letting us know about it–although we have never met, I have learned so much from you and have been so inspired by the way you teach art and color. Phil sounds like an amazing, beautiful person. I think, though, that you and Phil actually have three children–your biological children and Nature Studio. When my mom died, one of the things that helped get me through were your cheerful instructional videos and being able to create something new and beautiful out of a blank sheet of paper and some paint.
Much love to you and your beautiful family. You are right that Phil was an incredible presence in the formative years of your children’s life and he will always be with them and you.
Dear Anna. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I cried reading what happened and I will keep you and your children in my thoughts.
Oh Anna, Anna, Anna,
My heart aches for you! I was so shocked to read your message this morning. My chest feels heavy. Although I’m not a member of Nature Studio I love watching your mini-tutorials and have a couple of your books. My W&N paints are arranged as you do yours.
Despite your encouragement to find time to paint, I never seemed to be able to do so. This had been upsetting me as I felt that creativity was being trapped inside me. I had discussed this with my lovely partner and had decided that the best way I could make sufficient time (I’m a dreamy introvert and sometimes I can spend an age just thinking about what I am trying to achieve) was to close off one time consuming element of my life, at least until after Christmas, so that I would have time to practice my painting without feeling rushed.
On the morning that I wrote to the group, explaining that I wished to back away for a while, my lovely partner died. The scenario was so similar to yours, except he had got up, said he felt unwell, drank his coffee, then said he thought he would go back to bed for a while. I tucked him under the duvet and our dog seized the opportunity to leap on the bed to be with him.
In the meantime, messages were pinging though to me from the group and I was answering them. Someone called me and I spent a while reassuring her that I just needed a break but would be back in the New Year, and that I needed some time for myself. After that, I went downstairs to sort out the washing. I came back up and thought I’d look in on him and see how he was doing, but even from the doorway I immediately could see that he was dead. I tried to revive him, rang 000 (I’m a Brit who moved over to Australia to be with him) and the operator instructed me to perform CPR whilst the paramedics made their way over.
She told me to drag him onto the floor and to count with her as I did the chest compressions. I was crying and in shock – all the time knowing I was just too late. The ambulance crew took over for a further twenty minutes, but I knew all along that my beautiful man was no longer there.
Four nights later I had just taken my muscly mixed-breed refuge dog out for a walk, when he spotted a cat in some bushes and just lunged. I was caught unawares and it resulted in my shoulder getting dislocated and incurring three fractures at the top of my arm.
He died six and a half weeks ago. I haven’t painted. Frankly I haven’t done much at all. I’m sitting, my non-dominant arm still in a sling, at my dining table typing this message, a table covered in photographs, notes, clutter from the weeks that have passed. I’ve been trying to plan a memorial but I have moments of clarity as to what I will do, but hours (days) of physical and emotional torpor and exhaustion.
I am much older than you. I’m sixty-four. I knew him back in the Eighties when we both worked together (in England), and came to live with him here in Australia ten years ago. Something I shall never, ever regret.
I can’t know exactly how you feel; our lives and stories are different. But I share your pain.
Thank you for sharing your heart-breaking story. I’ve always loved reading your open and uplifting blogs and watching your mini-classes. I’m so sorry you and your children have gone through this. It seems so sad and unfair, but it also sounds like you have been blessed with a lifetime’s worth of love and hopefully that will fuel your strength. You will get through this, as will I. It feels so ironic that since the very day I made a conscious move to free up time to indulge in my hobby of choice, I have been unable to do so. But one day I will paint.
Take care, and thank you for sharing. Sending you love. X
This is where words fail me–to express the deep sadness a subscriber on the “outside” can feel over the loss of such a beautiful soul in your life. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. I’m so sorry for your loss. We never know when our time is up, so I’m grateful you had such wonderful years with Phil. He sounds like an incredible, rare individual–so upbeat–all the time! And he was even thoughtful enough to leave you with a supportive team to help face the future. Sending my love and admiration for all you do.
My deepest sympathies to you and your beautiful children, Anna. No words can take away your grief, but faith can bring a measure of peace and comfort.
Dear Anna,
I, too, am shocked and so very sorry to hear the news about the loss of your beloved Phil. My heart breaks for you. What a beautiful tribute you have written. He sounds like an amazing person who will live on in all that encountered him. My deepest sympathies to you, your children and your families. I will be keeping you all in good thoughts for peace and strength as you take each day as it comes.
Dear Anna, I have had irrefutable proof, through a traumatic experience, that there is another life beyond ours and that our loved ones in it are still involved with our lives here. I don’t know what form it takes but I know it is there. Phil will be watching over you and the children and be beside you in spirit now that his earthly mission has been completed. He wanted, and still wants, only the best for you and his children, he knows your strengths and that they will see you through this terrible time. Continue to speak to him in your private moments and trust that he will send you strength when it is needed. It all sounds incredible I know, but I was a sceptic, and have been converted by proof that our prayers can be answered, our loves ones who have passed can be messengers to us, and somehow through their intervention on our behalf, miracles can be delivered. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Deepest sympathy to you and your children. Hopefully there will be sunshine ahead in the not too distant future. You are all in my thoughts.
Mom was in her forties when Daddy died, and now I, much older than you, recently became a widow. I am trying, still unsuccessfully, to not let it define me. Your beautiful post enters my heart. I send warmth to you and your sweet children. May you always recognize the love that surrounds you. May Phil’s memory always be a blessing.
Oh Anna, I am so heartbroken for you. You and your precious children are in my thoughts.
Oh Anna I am so shocked , so saddened and beyond stunned to read this news. I am feeling this grievous loss with you from across the miles, I’m just so sorry. I cannot imagine the sudden hollow feeling you must be experiencing, the loss of your soul mate, your true love.
There are no words. I also can’t phantom the overwhelming sense of responsibility you must feel with your children and business… on your own. Oh Anna , my heart just breaks for you.
Please know we will wait patiently for you ; take your time , heal, cry, yell … whatever helps you move through, find peace and move towards living again. I have nothing to compare your pain to. Just a deep compassion and love for you and your precious innocent babies. You will be in my prayers for healing and strength and I will pray for a covering of protection over your children. God bless you Anna.
My heart breaks for you. I too lost my beloved husband too soon, although with warning. My strong loving supportive husband, too, was a police detective. He worked tirelessly for our community. Like Phil, he fought for children being the detective who finally found the horrible man who abducted and murdered a young girl in our community.
After his retirement (at 46 mind you) he became a financial planner focusing on cops and teachers (I was a teacher) he helped these public servants plan in advance using the most of their small salaries.
Alas, he got ALS. Eighteen months after being a vibrant strong man, he, wheelchair bound and much thinner, passed away.
I have been devastated and grief stricken for these 4 years.
Keep crying, keep painting, keep living. Phil is with you.
Thank you for sharing. my heart goes out to you and your family. So very sorry! Art has been a great way for me to be in the moment. I lost my 61 year old sister 2 years ago and painting has helped me. My sister was a huge fan of my learning to paint and loved my work based on your classes.
Thinking of you! So very sorry for your loss!
So sue
Anna, There are no words for this. I am so sorry for what you’ve been dealing with. We will keep you and your family in our prayers. Thank you for sharing the beautiful stories of love for your husband. He will live on in many hearts.
I very sorry to hear this terrible news. I will be keeping you and your children in my thoughts and prayers. While grief is not a linear journey, I hope each day is a little better than the previous one. And when it isn’t, I hope that you have the support you need.
Your friend, Beth
Ohh Anna. I am deeply sorry for your loss. My best wishes of peace to you and your children. Victoria
Oh Anna I am so sorry to hear of Phil’s passing, how traumatic for you all. I am so saddened by this news, as I have watched your family grow over the years. You bring so much joy into the world through your work. Sending love and strength to you and your family. Davina
Dear Anna,
I want to say how sorry I was to hear of your loss and offer my most heartfelt condolences to you and your dear children.
May the Lord be near to you in the pain and comfort your hearts and fill you with His peace.
In my few years on this earth I have found that there are some things that I just can’t carry on my own and the loss of a dearly beloved family member was one of them. But when I was at my lowest and totally crushed by the weight of my grief I called to Jesus to help me, and though he didn’t take my pain away he did comfort my heart and gave me the strength to live each new day as they came. And I want to offer you the same hope that I was given in my darkest moment, that you don’t have to walk alone “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”Psalm 34:18
My heart and prayers are with you and your children.♥️
Dear Anna, there are no words to express how sorry I am to hear of your dearest Phil’s passing. You two had a special bond, both personally and professionally, and two very beautiful children. While you grieve take a moment now and then to remember the good times. Loving memories can bring a smile to an otherwise sadden face and heart. And always remember that in this vast world of people the two of you found each other, created a family, and were able to share many loving years together. From how you’ve spoken of him I know he trusts that you’ll take care of yourself and help the children remember how much he loved them and you. Anna, I am so so sorry. Hugs, Annie
Anna, kids and family,
The hardest part of being human is experiencing grief. I’m so sorry that you all are going through this unimaginable loss.
May wonderful memories of your husband, father and son soften your saddens in time and keep him close.
Talk about him, share stories, especially with the kids.
Sending healing angels to you all and a warm virtual hug.
Julie
I’m so sorry for your heartbreaking loss Anna. Deepest sympathy to you and your families. Though your heart may be broken, it is still kind and generous – thank you for sharing your story with us. It reminds us we’re not alone in the grief we carry. And neither are you. We’re all here for you. As you feel ready, we’ll continue to read every blog post eagerly, enjoy a mini class over a mid-morning coffee, embrace and expand our watercolour journey from your tutorials, and be inspired by your encouraging insights on mindfulness and taking care of ourselves. Take care of yourself now. Thinking of you.
Anna, sending you love and hugs. Holding you in my thoughts.
Anna, So very sorry to hear of your husband’s death. You are a very SPECIAL person to write such a beautiful letter about your life since April. What Peace you have given all of us in writing a very honorable tribute about your husband. Your love for family, your marvelous art and sharing your special talent with so may has brought so many people close to you. You are an angel and your strength shows all the time in your video’s, comments, helping others to learn to paint. What a blessing you have. While going thru your pain and hurt, you still are able to help others. Life is not easy in this stage of life but when we find peace with GOD , everything seems much easier. I pray you will be filled with Peace and Comfort . Thanks for sharing your love story. Thanks for sharing your broken heart as I know many others have experience same thing, Thanks for sharing your support in many ways. Blessings to you always. Mary Dean
So sorry about your loss. May God continue to give you, and your family, peace, comfort and strength. Many blessings.
Such very sad news, Anna, so devastating for you and your children. I am so very sorry for your loss of a beloved husband and father. May his memory be a blessing forever.❤️
Anna, I am deeply moved by your loss of Phil and what it means for you and your children and all the other people who knew and loved Phil. He sounds like an amazing person who should not have left this earth at such a young age. The way you found him is also so very heartbreaking. How do you get over it? I guess you never do. It is a defining moment in your life and that of your children’s lives.
I also think that of all people, you will get through the grief and live the life Phil wanted you to have, even though it will not be like anything either of you had imagined. It sounds like you have nurtured a good support group and it is heartwarming to know they will be there for you when you need them.
I have only known you through the Nature Studio but what you are going through it like it has happened to someone in my family. From reading some of the comments I can tell many other people feel the same way. Your students are also your family and we are all rooting for you and your kids as you face each day with this huge loss.
I hope you will meet this challenge with bravery and when you can’t that you will be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need to move forward one day at a time. Thank you for all that you and Phil have given to me and all the others that love your work and your willingness to share your painting techniques with us.
Know that you are in my thoughts – Marj
Hello Anna,
I was so saddened to hear about the loss of your husband, Phil. The immense pain you are feeling, please know that my thoughts and heartfelt condolences are with you and your family during this incredibly difficult time.
Your work has brought so much beauty and inspiration into the world, and you’ve touched so many lives, including mine. I hope you can find some comfort in the love and support that surrounds you, from your community who are holding you in their hearts.
Wishing you strength and peace as you navigate this challenging time.
With deepest sympathy, Kimberley
Anna, I am truly sorry for your tragic loss. No, I don’t know you, but I feel your pain and grief. I am sending prayers.
Your work must give you peace, at least I hope it does. I am looking forward to this first class with you. May sharing your talents bring you comfort. God bless you and your children.
This is such a heartbreaking news, Anna. The huge gap left by a loved one is never filled but I hope you find healing. Please take time to rest.
Anna I am very sorry for the loss of your husband and soulmate Phil. Thank you for all the tutorials and lessons you have provided, they have given me one of the happy places…painting yes I never believed I could achieve the end results..that’s to your’s and Phil’s Nature Studio
As you journey through this path of grief hold your dear little ones close and know that I along with many more are upholding you in prayers….may you have peace that passes all understanding
Dear Anna,
I am so sorry and sad to hear of your tremendous loss. Phil was clearly an exceptional person and I am so glad that the two of you had such a fine life together even if it was for much too short of a time. I want you to know how much your art and classes have meant to me over the last few years and now that I know that Phil was a big part of the school I need to thank you both for all that you have given to me and the other students.
You are an incredibly brave person and I am sending love to you and your children. Thank you for sharing your grief and your tribute to Phil with us.
You are in my thoughts.
Sincerely, Lily
Dear Anna I’m so sorry to hear of loosing Phil.. You are stronger than you think you are and Phil, his love and kindness will not go away because of you and your children and all the people will remember it forever. Praying for you and your family. Hugs. xxx
Anna, I am so sorry to hear about your tremendous loss. Phil was clearly a most exceptional person and I am so glad that the two of you were able to enjoy an amazing life together, even if it was for much too short of a time. Your art and your school have had a huge impact on my life and now that I understand that Phil was very involved in the success of your school, I know that I have both of you to thank. You are an incredibly brave and open person and I admire you so very much. I wish you strength and I will keep you and your children in my thoughts.
Sincerely, Lily Koblenz
There are no words to say at a time like this that will be enough but please know that we are sending love & hugs to you & the children. Phil has a wonderful memorial in your two beautiful children & the amazing Nature studio that you built together. One day at a time Anna.
Dear Anna,
I am deeply saddened and shocked…I cant imagine what you would have gone through and are still going through right now 🥺 I wish there was some way I could comfort you…sending you all my love and hugs ❤️ Rest in peace Phil…
Oh Anna – how absolutely devastating. Some of us have to take on more than our share, and you have had to do just that. You were my inspiration in my early days of Watercolour – and still are. How fortunate to have found your soul mate, even if for a short time. God bless you and your precious children and may the memories comfort you all.
Thank you, for sharing your broken heart.
May the Lord hold you, and the children, in His everlasting arms and bring comfort and healing.
Bless you.
Valerie L.
Sending you love.
Anna, I burst into tears when I read your heartwrenching news. You have contributed so significantly to my ability to do artwork. I bless you and your family in this shocking time. Get lots of hugs and take long walks. Blessings, Elizabeth Brandon
I’m so sorry and heartbroken for you, as so many here are. We’ve never spoken or even written, and yet I read your post with tears streaming. I think a testament to the very real connection both you and Phil established with so many of us through your wonderful school. And at the end of the day, connection is really so much of the whole thing! Sending warmest wishes for strength, courage, and that all who surround you will lift you up and help carry your grief, and also your love for and memories of your beloved. Sending virtual hugs through the miles. Autumn
There are no words that can make any of this better only know that you are in my prayers.
I have no words of comfort to give you – I am at a loss. However, I will share my favorite poet’s website and particularly her poem of October 11, 2024.
https://ahundredfallingveils.com/2024/10/11/no-matter-what-they-say/
With heartfelt condolences.
Anna, I am so sorry for your loss! My heart aches for you and your children. What a touching tribute to a wonderful husband and father! My thoughts and prayers are with you as you move forward through this terribly difficult time.
Oh Anna my heart ached reading of the loss of your soulmate, Phil. I totally understand why it has taken months for you to be able to share this with us. What a beautiful tribute you have written – one that your children will read and feel closer to him as they grow older. What a special man he was. You will treasure in your heart forever all those wonderful memories of him.
Wishing you and the children gentle times ahead. Sincerely Therese
I am so very sorry. My heart truly goes out to you and your family.
Dearest Anna,
Thank you for sharing so deeply and vulnerably. I am so, so, sorry you are experiencing this deep loss, not only for yourself but your beautiful children. My heart feels and remembers. I know this feeling of grief and incredible despair and sadness.! This felt sense of a heart feeling like it is literally broken within your chest. The tears and grief often feeling like the sea, rolling and crashing in like thunder, and the ache of a broken heart, which doesn’t ever feel like it will mend. There are no words to actually console the feelings of despair, the agony, and the questioning, which is so very deep and painful; almost more than anyone can bear. One can only choose to listen, and I thank you for this opportunity. To listen and feel more deeply. I hold loving space for you and your children. May your grief be received with loving kindness, tenderness each and every moment, and whatever arises be purified and transmuted into greater peace, gratitude and ultimately more joy in life and zest for living! I know one’s greatest wounding also brings the greatest healing. I would love to share with you a message I received from my soul mate after he passed away. These words have been my mantra and inspiration in this past 15 years, and I feel on them every day. They came from a book written by Will Durant called The Story of the Philosophy of Life. And so this is how it goes…… “To my Wife, Grow strong my comrade. That you may stand unshaken when I fall, That I may know that the shattered fragments of my song, will come at last to a finer melody in you. And I may tell my heart that you go on where I left off. And Fathom More ”
I write this message to you Anna, with warmest of hugs and love. Bless you dear one and may you Fathom More!
Dear Anna, what a terrible shock for you and your family to lose your wonderful Phil so suddenly and so tragically. I’m crying as I read your beautiful, poignant tribute. I hope that life will be better for you eventually. I know it will; you are an amazingly strong person. Sending you my deepest condolences. xxxx
Praying for you, Phil and your family, Anna. Sending a big hug to you too. May God envelope you in a warm embrace as you grieve and heal. Your tribute to Phil was lovely, your story with him is lovely. Peace be with you, Anna…
So sad to hear your news Anna. Thank you for sharing. Sending loving thoughts to you. Phil would definitely have wanted you to carry on with your wonderful work, I’m sure.
Dear Anna,
I am so very sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult. Phil sounds like an amazing husband and amazing person! Hug your children and take as much time as you can to find your way through this time.
You inspired me to start my journey of painting about a decade ago. I love your way of teaching art. You are an inspiration.
I will be praying for peace and wellness for your family. I truly believe in life after death and that you will see Phil again someday. God loves you and he loves your family.
Please take good care of yourself and be kind to yourself. I know you will do a fabulous job helping the children remember their father and adapt to their new reality.
Hugs from Texas
Dear Anna
I am so so sorry to hear this terrible news. I was always taken by your previous emails about how kind and supportive Phil was- it was obvious in how you wrote about him. I thought it was such a lovely thing to happen to you after your first marriage. He sounds like a very unusual lovely type of man, the type you would be so lucky to meet let alone marry. I’m so sorry to hear and I wish you and your children well. Mel x
Oh Anna, I really don’t know what to say but feel I must say something. I can’t even begin to imagine how traumatic and devastating losing Phil at this point in your life and in such a shocking way must be. I wish you strength in your grief and hope that you are able to eventually find joy. Thank you for sharing.
What tragic and heartbreaking news Anna. I cannot add to the eloquence of your other messages- except to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your lovely children and family. Big hugs too xxxx
Dear Anna,
I am really sorry for your loss and your pain.
You and your children will always carry Phil in your hearts. Thank you for sharing this memorial with us.
Warmest wishes from Lake Como, Italy
My heart aches for you and your children. Your letter and tribute to Phil are beautiful expressions of love and admiration. Thank you for finding the courage to share your life with us. Take good care of yourself. I join the others in sending love and prayers.
Dear Anna
This is such a tragic story. I can feel the pain this has brought to your family and hope you and your children are moving through it all. I’m so sorry and am sending three hugs. Use them as you see fit. Work must be hard but it is a perfect thing to have right now. Phil would want that. Take care. Cry and thank goodness for your children.
No reply necessary. Just hug your children.
Morning Anna
Thank you for sharing such terrible times you are going through.
20 years ago, almost exactly the same thing happened to a colleague of mine. She woke up one morning to find her husband had died in the night, leaving her with 2 teenagers to look after alone. We were all devastated by the event, and of course it was far far worse for her and her kids.
It takes great courage to share and write coherently about such things.
I just want to tell you that you helped me so much to recover from depression, and that painting still helps me a LOT. I’m not in the school any more, but I have taken my painting to heights I never thought would be possible. And now I understand that I owe that to Phil as well as to you. Thank you to both of you! X
Se me rompe el corazón en pedazos al leer tus palabras. Pero tu fuerza al contarlo me anima a pensar que tus heridas pueden llegar a curar aunque dejen una cicatriz profunda. Te deseo todo lo mejor para ti y tus preciosos hijos. Un enorme abrazo desde la isla de Mallorca. Cati
Dear Anna,
I know your pain. Having gone through two losses together, I can feel your grief and how it crashes on you like huge waves under which you feel like you would drown. I promise you, those waves will gradually lose their intensity and you will learn how to navigate them.
I cried when I read your post. It reopened my wound but mostly, made me acutely aware of what you are going through. You are in my prayers.
You described Phil beautifully. He was a loving, caring and devoted husband, father, brother and, I am sure, son too. You were truly blessed to have him in your life and to have found your soul mate, in him. It is a true and rare blessing that many of us don’t get in our lifetimes. Again, my prayers are with you.
Lastly, Anna, you’ve shown us what a strong, resilient person you are and that you have risen up and are a pillar to lean on for your young children, to whom, my heart goes out.
May God cradle you in your loss and strengthen your heart, the way He cradled me. May you find solace and peace, too.
I recently joined your classes and your calm demeanor has been a treat that I always look forward to seeing in the videos. I’m new to watercolour and you’re right, it has a therapeutically relaxing effect. I’m grateful for what you and your team do. Also, for what Phil was an integral part of.
Please accept my sincere, heartfelt condolences on your losing Phil, whom I never knew but now I feel I do.
Dear Anna,
I am so shocked and saddened to hear your news. What a truly tragic thing to have happened. Thank you for sharing such an intimate portrait of Phil with us. Your love for him shines through what you have written. We have never met, and probably never will, but you are there with me most days as I paint and I’m so glad your painting is offering you some solace now. I feel part of the lovely community you and Phil have created and I hope you can feel that community around you now, like an invisible web, supporting you when you need it. Someone once told me grief doesn’t go away, you just learn to live with it and I think that’s true. You will survive. Your children will be your joy, together with your art, and they are fortunate to have such a wonderful mum. Look after yourself, you are a very special person. With all my very best wishes and sending hugs, Helen x
Dear Anna,So very sorry for your loss, much love to you and your children.
Louise x
Dearest Anna I’m feeling your lose Anna my heart full of thoughts blessings are with you and your beautiful children Anna really it’s a shocking news but Anna you have helped so many people like me encouraging them in there difficult times so I think God will give you more courage with time you will find calmness and peace in the beautiful memories you shared together Anna in Jainism its said that soul never dies the visible body is gone your soul mate Phil will be with you in your thoughts May God shower you and your children with lots of love blessing Sushma
Dear Anna, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ve been so brave and really heroic for your children. Phil will be so proud of you❣️My wonderful sister died a while ago and it really affected me, I couldn’t paint, I couldn’t draw, I couldn’t see beauty in my slowly closing world. But, after reading your wonderful words, I feel a lot of hope. So I’m going to pick up where I left off and get some joy into my life. I’m so glad you’ve got a really good support system. Thank you for telling this so very sad account of your wonderful husbands life. Be strong, as I know you are,
Much love xx. Anita xx
Hi Anna
My goodness, it was a shock to read your email this morning. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful children. The time you have taken out over the last few months were time well spent caring for yourself and your children. Since I lost my parents and my brother I’ve looked at life very differently. My brother who was older than me and admittedly didn’t look after himself, died suddenly a month before my Mum. I think it caused her to give up. My Dad had cared for her for almost 20 years running up and downstairs at her beck and call. He enjoyed the time he had left as much as his 88 year old body would let him. Sadly my husband and I found him on the floor of his lounge one morning. I don’t know how long he’d been there, so I’ve beaten myself up over it for a while now. He died in his own home which is what he wanted. I’m scared now of losing my husband, children ( now all happily married ) and grandchildren but try hard to knock those thoughts away. .
Like you, I started painting again and decided to have a go at entering Open Studios. I had moderate success. I sold 16 paintings and over 80 cards. I have been going to an art club for nearly 17 years and feel I have come a long way. I have used your book to help me paint during lockdown ( I couldn’t get inspired to paint so found your book hugely helpful ). So thank you for your honesty and kindness. I wish you and your family all the love and luck in the world. Keep smiling every day. It definitely helps. Your husband is living on in all of you. Never under estimate the effect our loved ones have on us. Take care.
Love
Helen x
So sorry for your loss dear Anna! My deepest condolences to you all.
Best wishes from Gabi
I’m so sorry to hear of your sad loss Anna. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
DearAnna,
Having gone through your experience with my husband two years ago and after managing to revive him myself before the ambulance turned up, and then he only survived 4 weeks in hospital. I know exactly what you are going through and how very hard it is to pick up the pieces. Unfortunately I have no family and I cannot put my mind to doing any art although I have tried to maintain an interest through reading my art books and loking at art sites like yours. I am so glad for you that you have children to remind you of your happier days and that you are able to carry on through the bleak days with your art. I am full of admiration for you after all you have been through. Thank you for sharing as it make me realise others have it much harder than myself. God bless and take care.
I’m sorry to hear of your very hard experience Pat and I do hope you can find a chosen family of friends who can support you and that soon you will feel able to be creative again. Wishing you love and strength.
Oh Anna this is devastating to read absolutely heartbreaking. Just know that our thoughts and love from South Africa will be with you. You have become such a part of my life with all the beauty you create you will never know the inspiration you have become. Sending love and prayers for strength and courage to get through this on your own. Cheryl xxx
Dear Anna. Sending love from Australia to you and your kids. Thanking for sharing your story and photos of your beautiful family. I don’t know you but wish I could just wrap my arms around you to share some strength. Xx
What an amazing human being Phil was. You are so fortunate to have found a love and soulmate. It is heartbreaking to read your post, your children and work will be of great comfort I’m sure going forward. I haven’t experienced this kind of loss but know that you have helped me when times have not been so good . I love Nature Studio and you are an inspiration.
So sorry for you loss
Pam x
Dear Anna. A beautiful and personal tribute. You have had so many life challenges with yet another one to tackle. You will do this and I am sure Phil would be so proud of you. Your greatest act would be to continue to live your life with your lovely family. I am truly touched by your beautiful tribute and Phil was a very lucky man to have your all in his life as I am sure he in your life. I am so sorry for your loss. Avril x
Dear Anna, I am so very very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.
Dear Anna, I’m speechless to read about this tragic. I feel so sorry for you and your family. It seems you are on a good way to deal with this situation, with your grief and sorries. Our family has recently been in mourning. We lost our 20 years old son only five weeks ago and still wondering how to live with this loss and ever feel joy again. Please feel embraced. Christina
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I hope that God, your family and friends give you the strength you need to overcome such a terrible loss.
Hi Anna. I think you are an amazing lady and mother. . Sounds like you are soul mates so Phil will be around still, how can he not. I’m guessing he is still doing his work here but from a different perspective. My heart is sending loving healing light to your family. I also think you are a brilliant artist. 💐
So sorry for your huge loss Anna. Your beautiful tribute is full of love for Phil and your children. Sending warm thoughts for you and your family.
Dearest Anna
I have just read your amazing love story with your extraordinary husband Phil who was an Earth Angel. He packed so much ‘goodness’ and love into his life and this thread will continue with you and your children. Even though your husband is not on this plain anymore his spirit is alive and living in you and your children. It’s funny when you quoted from Desiderata – that has been my go to poem for many, many years and have often sent it to friends who need a ‘pick-me-up. Anna you are also an extraordinary human being as you were both soulmates so you carry the same vibes and you have helped so many people. Yes painting, drawing, art, poetry or any form of creativity is a gift from above and balm for the soul and both you and Phil are the messengers. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for what you and your beautiful children are going through. What a beautiful soul your husband was and is. I’m so sorry Anna.
My Warmest Love
Judy C
Thank you Judy, what a very kind message x
Anna this news is absolutely heartbreaking! I have no words! xxx
Dear Anna, I am so sorry for your terribel loss. Phil sounds like a wonderful person and you have been very lucky to have had him in your life. I’m sure you will find the stregth to live your life with joy, and really Phil is not gone, only physically.
Although I have not lost my husband, our son died very suddenly when he was 2 and a half some years ago. It was awful and like a bad dream, and yet it is still possible to see the beauty in life and to find joy again.
Dearest Anna,
I started painting with you during Covid lockdown and right after my husband had surgery to remove his larynx because of a second appearance of throat cancer. I grieved the loss of his voice so much. Never to hear the words “I love you” out loud. He had a beautiful singing voice and I still miss it every day. It was a very hard adjustment for both of us. He is still here with me and I praise God he is but it’s just so different. I had not pictured myself as his caregiver at such an early time in my life. Everything changed. Painting with you brought back joy and fulfillment again. I paint for my happiness and I can get out of my head for a while. It relieves anxiety and keeps me from worrying about him because I can paint within sight of him. I can not even imagine the grief you are going through right now. Just know sweet Anna that you have so many praying for you and lifting you up. Let us be the wind beneath your wings on your rough days. We love and cherish you sweet lady. I will be praying for you and your babies.
Thank you Tammy and I’m sorry to read what you’ve been through and are going through with your lovely husband. Wishing you strength too.
Dear Anna, I am so terribly sorry for your loss, thinking of you and your children and hoping that in time the awful feeling of loss will get less and that your beautiful painting will bring you relief.
Dear Anna, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time. Pray that God will comfort you and your family. May He grant you strength and peace. Jocelyn
I am so very sorry for your loss! This is so very tragic. My younger sister passed when the triple negative breast cancer went to her brain January 5, 2023, She was my best friend and such a special person. I started painting some time after that. Painting has helped me move past the grief.and find peace in moving forward with my life. I wish you and family peace and happiness moving forward with your lives.🙏🏻🕊️🌹♥️ Alison
Dear Anna, I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot find right words to express my feeling, I just would like to hug you. You are such an important person for me, as well as for many other members. With much love, Michiyo
Dear Anna,
So sorry for your loss. My condolences and love to you and your family,
Dear Anna,
Not many posts make me shed a tear – but yours did. Why do bad things happen to good people? springs to mind. I wish you strength and courage to get you through, but that already shines through your videos.
Big hugs
From Clare in UK (part of your watercolour family)
Thank you for caring Clare, I really appreciate your comment and your virtual hug x
What shocking news. I’m so terribly sorry Anna for you loss. I remember years ago you and Phil were doing an exhibition of your work. I was new to the school and was really excited to meet you. We turned up early and I can remember having a long chat with Phil before you arrived and what a charming man he was to. I’m truly sorry for you loss and I hope this community you’ve built up helps you moving forward. Love Nigel and Jill
Dear Anna, Everything you created together for Nature Studio speaks volumes for the love, generosity, kindness and integrity that you both shared. I was very moved by your welcome email and now you are faced with this. Even the darkest of nights comes to an end and love is timeless. Your memories and what you created together will live on, grow and develop. May you be granted the grace and strength to keep going. much love.
Thank you Sophie x
Thank you for your transparency. I haven’t been painting but recently made myself re-subscribe. Now I know why and I do need to do more self-care and be creative.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Dear Anna, My heart breaks for you. I was widowed 11 years ago. I never liked using that ‘w’ word. I felt too young to be ‘w’. A neighbor who had been through the death of his wife recommended grief support. That was the best advice. We met and talked about our loved ones and the emotions we were experiencing. A year later, I moved to our retirement home (which he never retired to. He was still working when he passed.) I was in the beans aisle of the grocery store and saw a can of his favorite beans. I stood there and cried. Right in take middle of the bean aisle. Grief takes time. My prayer for you and your family is that you will find rest and peace in God.
Thank you Judy, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband too. Well done for carrying on. x
I am so sorry for your incredible loss! Your courage and skill in sharing so beautifully about your husband and the loving relationship you shared is admirable. I am thankful for the beauty and joy you and your husband have brought into my own life, and I will be praying that you will feel God walking close beside you through this grief. While I lost my mother too soon and so understand the basics of grief, I have not experienced the loss of a soulmate and, to be honest, don’t even want to imagine it. Good be with you and your precious children!
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that in time, happy memories of your life with your husband will serve to comfort you. My prayers are for you and your children, and that you are able to carry on for all of you. You are not alone in your grief; many particularly close to you grieve. too. May you all take some comfort in one another. And God is always with you. Bless you and take care. And thank you for what you do.
Dearest Anna,
It is with great sadness and horror that your news comes to me.
I send you, your two little boys and your loved ones my sincere condolences.
I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you will be able to find the Light. As you and Phil were thinking, Mother Nature is a great source of comfort and she will not fail to gratify you with her blessings.
You’re such a beautiful person and deserve so much happiness.
Your two adorable boys are at your side and it’s a little Phil who is there with them…
You are surrounded by a wonderful team that will help you in your professional life.
Words fail me to accompany you in this ordeal and I send you all my prayers.
Affectionately
Véronique
Ps: I’ve translated these few words via Deepl, I hope they’ll be accurate.
Dear Anna, I am very sorry to hear such bad news. My deepest condolences. I wish you to be a strong woman, carry Phil in your heart. Sending you love, take care of you ❤️
Dear Anna – the shock of your news was so devastating I did not realise at first that it was you I was reading about. I have not gone through this particular sorrow myself although I have known others who have; but have had sorrows of my own which have left me with a big hole in my heart. One thing I do fully understand is being a single parent – I was one and it is very very hard trying to be two parents. As Ben and Fern grow up do talk to them about Phil so they can know and understand him as best they can. Share those wonderful photographs with them so they can carry his picture in their hearts and memories. I am sure things will work out good for you in time; just allow time to do its work in your heart and life. I am a Christian and have found my trust in God has helped me enormously through the storms of life which we all encounter in different ways. I often tell Him I don’t know what I would do without Him in my life. If ever you felt the need to know more please do not hesitate to contact me. In the meantime I will remember you in prayer. I can also confirm that painting helps enormously to lift our spirits when we are feeling down and disorientated and perhaps angry at what life has thrown at us. Creating a beautiful picture either from imagination or reality can be almost literally a life-changer, certainly in our mental outlook.
Be strong for your children and they in turn will be strong for you.
Dear Anna my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I include your ‘work’ family as well, as I know from reading your blogs that you all worked in a wonderful close and productive way.
Take time to heal as best you can with your two beautiful children.
Anna, I am so sorry to hear about this terrible loss. Your husband sounds like he was such a kind and wonderful person…a true earth angel. I know the grief you are experiencing as I had to go through the death of my eight year old son. Grief is hard, but let the love of your children soften your heartache.
I’m so sorry to hear of the loss you have endured too Francine, thank you for sharing. x
Dear Anna. You have suffered a great loss. My heart hurts for you and for your family and friends. I am praying for you this morning, and I’m reminded of some words from the Bible that I hope will encourage you…”He gently leads those that are with young…”. Isaiah 40:11.
Dear Anna,
My family had 3 weeks notice when my ex-partner and the father of my 3 children died due to a sudden illness. That was 4 years ago. There was time for the children and his widow to say their goodbyes. We had both moved on into new relationships and all was amicable. When he was in the hospice miles away I went out into the countryside bordering the garden and wrote this:
“Bluebells and lilac finishing flowering for the year. Foxgloves just starting. The time of year when the crows fly SE into a rosy sky to roost. Calm, balmy evenings with the sound of sheep pulling at grass. Munching sheep; freshly shorn. White frothy hedgerows bursting with blossom. Cow parsley in full swing denotes silage time. The plaintiff call of the curlew and this week, the call of a distant cuckoo. Honeysuckle perfuming the evening air. The first new batch of baby hedgesparrows and a juvenile robin have found the rich pickings from the bird feeders. Nature. All peaceful and serene. “
I haven’t shared this before. Thank you for sharing your tribute to your husband. Expect flashbacks when you least expect them. You will see your husband in your children as they grow.
Your world is still a beautiful place.
Time does heal and you have memories to treasure. Look after yourself and throw yourself into your painting. x
Thank you Karen, I’m sorry to hear of your family’s loss too. x
Anna,
Your story is really sad and heartbreaking. My words are inadequate. That’s why I pray from my heart in silence for you and your children. Keep the love and spirit of your Phil alive. I am sure you will express it through beautiful watercolours of what nature shows us. Love Tjaard
Dear Anna, I am heartbroken to hear the news that your dearest Phil has passed away. It seems unbelievably cruel that you have lost your soul mate and your children their father. Your tribute to him is incredible and shows the world what a special man he was. As parents all we can do is keep going, even though sometimes we don’t want to or feel we can’t. I just wanted to express heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Love Moyra xxxx
Thank you for your supportive comment Moyra x
Dear Anna,
I read with shock your unimaginable news. My heart bleeds for you. I discovered you through your books before I joined your online community so although you do not know me, I feel like I know you. Because of this your email hit me hard.
Phil was a very special soul and you were fortunate to have known, loved and married him. Why your time together was so short is a mystery and someday it may show itself, but take comfort in knowing that he lives on in your two beautiful children. Also know that he is just a thought away and is with you always.
I will hold you in my thoughts and send you love and strength to carry on. Remember what Phil said, life is still beautiful and you will once again experience happiness and love for life.
“This world is not conclusion,
A sequel stands beyond
Invisible as music
But positive as sound.”
Emily Dickinson
Thank you for your kind comment Alice x
I am so sorry for your loss Anna. Those we love never pass away. They live in our hearts always, with precious cherished memories that never fade away. No words can convey how sad I am for the loss of your Phil. I am praying that our Lord Jesus will give you strength, wisdom and guidance as a single parent. May the God of all comfort wrap His loving arms around you and your children and grant you peace. Love and Blessings. Christiane Beeler
Dear Anna,
What a truly terrible thing to happen. My heart goes out to you. May your beautiful children bring llove and light into your life through these very difficult times,
Sending Love, Joy xx
Thank you so much for keeping me in your circle. Your tragic news took my breath away today as I read your words of loss and heartbreak so beautifully expressed!
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers for healing. I’m much older (78) and have experienced many tragic losses, but I want to assure you that Jesus is faithful to heal and restore. Your precious husband sounds like an amazing man. In time you will heal and get through this time of sorrow and loss. It won’t be easy, but you WILL get through!
Much love and prayers,
Linda
Dear Anna. What a beautiful tribute to your belovéd Phil. I’m so sorry for the pain and devastation that you and your little family are going through and I pray that you and your little ones will find the peace of God which passes all understanding. May He hold you gently in his hand and give you countless little blessings to remind you of Phil’s love and strength every day …. every moment. Your own kindness and gentleness come across so clearly in your videos and I feel that Phil must have been incredibly proud of how your art teaching inspires and yes, comforts so many. May the Lord bless you and keep you and your littlies in the days and years to come. With heartfelt thoughts, Joy.
I’m so very sorry for your loss – that awful one that is marked by the life before and the life after loss – two completely different lives. Phil sounds like he was just wonderful! Thanks for giving us a glimpse of who he was.
Anna, I was shocked to hear that Phil had passed, I’m so sorry for your loss.
My mother and I were honoured to visit your home for a one to one tutorial a few years ago, we met Phil very briefly. It was a privilege to be allowed into your beautiful home and has always remained one of my fondest memories.
While I can’t imagine what you’re going through, please know my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
Ohh Anna, I read your beautiful tribute to your dear Phil last night and my heart aches for you! I’m so so sorry to hear of his passing. I feel lucky to have met Phil on one of your Florida visits and I understand how deeply you will feel his loss – both for you and your dear children. This is such a tragic and difficult time for all who knew Phil. Your tribute is absolutely wonderful and I know he will stay in your hearts forever. My husband passed away in February of 2017. We were married in college and were lucky to have had 45 years together. Memories come back sometimes as tears and sometimes in smiles and even laughter. I’ve been thinking lately about my grandchildren and what they remember of him as they were quite young in 2017. I have wanted to create a book with pictures and stories of their sweet and funny Papa. Hearing all the beautiful memories of Phil have inspired to get started. I know people tell you that you are strong and of course you need to be just that for your children. Don’t feel bad when you feel less than that and take whatever private time for yourself when you need to feel the grief. It’s part of healing and I know you will get there. Sending lots of love and hugs to you and your family!
Anna, I admire how gracefully you have navigated through this sudden transition in your life. What you had with Phil was intensely beautiful and special. You are a creator, a teacher and an inspiration. I’m sure that whatever you decide to do next will be filled with tenderness and reverence for life, its gifts and each precious relationship you make. Phil will be there too. I wish you comfort, peace and a rich future.
Dearest Anna. I am so so sorry to read of your devastating loss of Phil. Your words have moved me to tears – you have truly lost your soulmate. What an incredible husband, father and friend to everyone Phil was. Your love and pride for this wonderful man pour from your words. You too are a wonderful kind person, and your love for Ben and Fern, for your team and for all of us here in Nature Studio shines through. You certainly don’t deserve what life has thrown at you. Being older now, I’ve suffered many losses, but nothing hurt as much as losing my wonderful sister at the too young age of 34 in 1997. She had Down Syndrome and being extrovert, she was loved by more people than I could imagine. The church was overflowing at her funeral and it was the kindness of the many people who knew and loved her which helped our family cope. I know there is a ton of love being sent your way – I hope it helps. I wish I could give you and your little family a hug. Sending love and strength to you all. Catherine xx
Dear Anna, I was so moved reading your tribute to your husband. Wishing you and your children whatever moments of peace and comfort are possible after such a wrenching loss. There just aren’t words for how hard and unfair life can be sometimes. I take inspiration from the fact that you are finding solace in your art. I do believe that is why the world desperately needs art. It has the power to express and heal what can’t always be accessed in words. Thank you for sharing your story. It is a privilege to hear other people’s experiences navigating the hard stuff of life.
Anna, I’ve never met you, but like so many others here, feel like I know you. Tears started streaming down my face as soon as I read this. I am so deeply sorry. May his memory be a blessing and give you strength. You have a community around the world holding you in their hearts. Please remember that.
I am so sorry to hear the loss of your loving husband. May his soul rest in peace. May the Lord grant you strength to go-through this difficult time.
God Bless
My dearest Anna, how very sad I feel for you and your sweet kiddos.
I have no words to let you know how deeply I feel for your tremendous loss – an empty place in your heart so vast and so painful that at times it is almost impossible to breathe.
May God grant you comfort in the knowledge that you have been loved and cherished by a truly remarkable man and that you will experience him daily in your two beautiful children.
I send warm wishes and tender thoughts your way – may you be blessed.
Dear Anna, I am so terribly sorry that you have had to suffer such a devastating loss when you and your young family were just at the beginning of life’s big adventure.
Your Phil, sounds like he was the most amazing person, and so are you.
Your kindness shines through in everything, even sharing this very sad news with all of us.
I wish you to continue being strong, and that your great sadness mellows into beautiful memories.
The worldwide community are with you everyday, and will be your support.
I don’t even know you, but I was crying while reading about your sad loss. He sounds like such a wonderful husband, father, and just overall human being, who packed a lot of love and care for others into his short life. I’m so sorry this happened to you and your family. I’ll be thinking about you all and hoping you’re doing well.
Dear Anna, I’m devastated for you, I’m so sorry for your loss. I know about grief, because my 31-year old son died unexpectedly two years ago. Loosing a son is very hard, but loosing a soulmate, the father of your children, adds a whole other layer: it’s not only your loss, but also your kids’ loss and you grieve for them too. I wish you lots of energy and strength. And I know that with time, though your grief will always be the same, your life will expand beyond your grief and there will be room for joy and happiness too. And by the way, for me it was painting too that helped me turn off my mind for a while. A virtual hug to you.
Anna,
My heart is broken for you and your children, your loss is something I cannot fathom. I wish I could hug you and your children and make it all “ok”. Since I cannot, I will pray that God will gather you and your children within his loving arms and bring you peace, strength, and comfort when you all need it.
Thank you for your courage and generosity sharing this heartbreaking news. My kids are the same age and my heart aches for you all.
You and Phil have added so much beauty to the world through your work. It is truly a much, much more beautiful place because of you (both). Take my entryway, where I hang the kids’ artwork as well as an occasional painting of my own, for example. Or the way that I see color in a single leaf like I never did before your course. I am one of thousands whose lives have been changed <3
Dear Anna, My heart aches for you and your children. I have experienced the grief of losing your soulmate, it’s a hard road and yes being creative helps. Your husband Phil sounds like he was a very caring and kind man, treasure the memories you shared as a family. Thank you for your courage in sharing your grief and also thank you for continuing on with Nature Studio. Nature is a great healer, I love to sit in nature so this is what I do to bring peace into my life now. Be kind to yourself. I send love for you and your family.
Anna
From your painting tribe in Australia, The Aussie Co-creating Session group, we give thanks to you and Phil for bringing us together. Your pain is love. Be kind to yourself. Know you are loved. You have given us all the chance to connect. When you are ready to bring the kids down under and have a holiday we are here to help. Contact me any time. Love Jo
Dear Anna, it was with the greatest sadness learning your beloved Phil has died.
There are no words that I can say that can comfort or console you . I am well acquainted with grief ,my husband and close family .. my experience led me to train as a bereavement counsellor. I didn’t want anyone to feel as I did and feel alone. I could stay with their pain and just listen and be alongside them without judgement or inappropriate and uncalled for advice.
You will know who you can talk to Anna.
Your gift of being a superb artist will help at times and at other times , not at all.
Your love of nature is already your familiar and constant companion. .
Hopefully giving you some respite at times.
Being witness to our children’s grief is intolerable. With my Son I wished I could bare his loss as well as mine.
In time together you may think of them each making a ‘memory box of their Daddy. Put in things that have great importance. They can open the. Box when they feel the need. Objects that are special and hold memories of happy times.
Go gently ,be kind to yourself Anna. Put no expectations upon your self. Love trish
Anna, I sit here with tears in my eye’s after reading about your sad loss. My best wishes go out to you and your family. Losing someone so close is a hard thing to come to terms with. Your memories of them will be with you forever, as such they have never gone but will always be near you.
Love to you and your family
Alan
I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers. I too suffered such a loss on June 5 2023 when my husband of 46 years was killed in a work related accident. I haven’t started back painting yet, it’s been hard to wrap my head around just being me and I because for almost half a century it’s been us, we, and ours. I miss my Jim everyday but I’m finding joy most days. God bless you and your family. Judy
Dear Anna,
Omg… this was so shocking yesterday night when I received your mail…….
I carefully read all you wrote about Phil and your situation and admired the beautiful pictures (thank you for sharing) and also the condolences. So many people feel sorrow for you and your kids and find better words than I do (as a non native speaker, apologies if i sound clumsy or inappropriate) but in the end no one can relief your pain…. when I just think about having such a luck to find a gem like your Phil was and then lose him all of a sudden, without even being able to say goodbye or any warning, that is so terribly cruel.
My sister lost her husband all of a sudden (due to an accident) in April this year too and as she had lost her only child (aged 17) due to cancer, she also thought that would have been more than enough to endure! At the same time my nephew was hospitalized my son was diagnosed with a huge tumor in the spine, but thanks to the best surgeon (Switzerland) and radiation therapy (US) he survived and is doing good.
Even though I am not a school member at the moment, I never unsubscribed your newsletter and had always been interested what was going on in your life and school. Your courses (from 2017 on) were really very precious to me. I had to overcome a toxic relationship and I remember that you sometimes pointed out the therapeutic effect painting has and that is true. I still like drawing and painting.
Again, I am so sorry about this tragedy. Sending love and strength to you. Eva xxx
Dear Anna, Why do bad things happen to good people? That question always haunts me when out of the blue suffering is dealt to such good people, like you and your family. I hope one day your tears are replaced by smiles when you think of him. I lost my husband 7 years ago and I still miss him every minute of every day. You have your 2 beautiful children to help you through this time of grief and I hope they bring a smile to your face each day. You have my deepest sympathy, as well as all your Nature Studio family, as seen from all these heartfelt messages. I hope you can be strong and I wish you love and Peace.
I’m so sad to hear Phil has died. The photos of your family are beautiful. Noone ever thinks of these things heading their way. I know the shock this will have hit you with, but quite amazing that he lived life to the full until he couldn’t. He sounds like he was a really amazing partner and dad. That won’t ever go stay… and if you haven’t already …..the amazing wonder of genetics will make you feel and see Phil in your children all the time. I know that’s a mixed situation but it brings more blessings than tears. Most definitely keep doing anything that adds to your life – it’s needed along with tears xxxx
I can’t imagine the feeling of loss that you and your children must feel at this time. I hope the support. of your family, your children and your creative community help during this time.
I am very sorry for your devastating loss Anna. May your heart find peace in the love of your family and friends at this time
So very sorry for your loss Anna., I can’t begin to feel what you and the children have been going through.
I am only beginning to get back to normal after losing my mum and she was of an age that it wasn’t unexpected. I just can’t begin to imagine your pain and heartache 💔
Dearest Anna, Though I have not been taking art lessons, I treasure those I had with you. My heart breaks for you and the children. I was shocked to see his photo. He looks like my only son. I could not even imagine losing him. It will take forever to come to terms with the loss of my youngest daughter. I am not Catholic, but I still get comfort by lighting a candle for her each night while I rest before bed. I will pray for your strength (oh gosh, I have come to hate that word . . . ) COMFORT AND PEACE.
Dear Anna,
Your Phil is a great gift to you, your children and all who knew him. I am touched and deeply saddened for you and your loss. You are a treasure and gifted person. I have no doubt that the gift your husband and soulmate are to you will continue. Because soul is forever. I trust in spite of the devastating loss you will continue to share your talent and beauty in the beautiful artwork you create. His love and partnership in your life and work, in your children, are still with you in their laughter and in each brush stroke of color. I am sure his spirit surrounds you as all the love, comfort and sympathy coming to you now. Take time and space to care for yourself. Sending love across the pond.
Dear Anna…..my heart breaks for you and your family and the devastation you are going through. I can’t imagine the shock and pain you are feeling …..but after reading your blog I see a strong woman, a woman who was loved and is paying tribute to her husband and the life you shared by slowly but definitely going forward. It’s an homage to. Phil and I know he is looking down on you smiling and satisfied in his heart knowing you will come out of this. You will see him every day in your children and feel his love in everything you accomplish because of the loving support he gave you. Be strong, hold onto your faith and hold his memory in your heart. God Bless
Oh Anna…
My heart breaks with yours. 💔 I am very sorry for your devastating loss. My prayers are with you and your children. Much love for you as you navigate this new path.
I am so so sorry to read this. I have tears in my eyes and I’ve never met either of you! Know that many people will be praying for peace, comfort and strength for you and your precious children.
Dear Anna,
What a beautiful tribute to Phil. Thank you for sharing this. You, your children, family, and friends will remain in all of our hearts. Words cannot fully express how much we care for you and how much we wish that we could comfort you through this. Much love and prayers for strength and healing.
I learned of your loss on your IG account today. I’ve had to postpone my reaction to your as i had to get to work and now at my desk taking a break and just read your blog.
How beautiful are you, your Phil and the life you’ve built. I’m shattered for your loss and a bit angry for your loss. I have a beautiful husband too, no children but I have him and a beautiful life we’ve built together. I’ve often thought of the moment one of us dies, and how I would be if he dies first. My brain can’t get past the thought of him not being there. It’s like it’s not capable of it.
I am a believer and plant my life in my faith and prayer. God pulled me out of the depths of grief and despair when my dad died suddenly also of a heart issue-aortic aneurysm. The grief was all consuming and inescapable.
And so all I can offer you, Anna, is fervent prayer for you, for Phil’s soul and for your sweet kids.
Thanks for keeping us in beauty and goodness with your art. It is such a gift you bless us with.
I have no adequate words to express my sorrow and sadness for you, Anna. Just know that you and your family will be in my thoughts, prayers and while I’m painting, I expect.
So, so sorry to hear about your loss. Sending lots of HUGS your way.
Please don’t forget to make some time for yourself to grieve. When my dad passed away, I was so busy with the funeral planning and taking care of my mom, that I realized later that I needed time to mourn, too. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care.
I am so sorry to hear you have lost your soul mate and your children’s father. Please know the whole art community sends their love. Surround yourself and the kids with family and friends they will be a tremendous help. I just lost my soul mate as well of 57 years … I know grief comes in waves and all one can do is embrace it. Do take care of yourself and mourn it is important there is no right or wrong way just be you. Love and hugs to you and those precious babies.
Love your art I took your class some years back .
Anna,
I have been apart of your wonderful classes for many years. I watched your sweet family grow and your being pregnant and how happy your life was. I am beyond sad for you and your children. There are no words to relay my wishes for your pain to end, so I will just say I pray for strength and comfort and thank you for sharing your life with us over the years.
Anna…I was saddened to learn about the unexpected death of your husband. You’ve written a wonderful tribute to him and I feel honored that you choose to share your heartache with this group. As a mental health therapist who has done a lot grief work over the years, what I’ve learned is that grieving people need to talk. To share their memories of their lost one. To howl their pain. To sit in utter silence. To rage, to laugh, but above all to talk. To share your loved one with the world. A pastor once said that grief is about figuring out a new relationship with the departed. It’s about transitioning the memories of the past, which are painful, into memories of the future, which evolve into comfort. No one person can make grieving easier for you, for it is a uniquely solitary experience much like a fingerprint, but know that you have a community around you that is ready to listen to your memories. Share them loud. Share them quiet. Just share them. It is in the talking that the healing happens. I wish you and your children peace during this difficult time and peace in the times ahead.
Respectfully,
Kim Gilman
So much love and appreciation for your honest and courageous story.
Please know that we will have patience as you grieve.
Dear Anna,
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Your email stopped me in my tracks yesterday as I too lost my husband of 16 yrs to sudden cardiac arrest at the age of 41 with our two young children present at home. Please know you are not alone in your grief. It was in fact your classes that helped me to process the grief I carried and I am very thankful for them.
Take good care,
Lisa
Dear Anna, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I struggled, as you must have, to find words to express this. Yet your words were such a beautiful tribute of love to Phil that I felt I almost knew him. Rest assured, he has contributed much to this world in the love and nurturing he has given you and your family, and with you to the Nature Studio community. Wishing you strength, healing and continued courage. My thoughts will be with you as I paint, Alison
Anna, thank you for sharing your love and grief. I’ve been a member for 4 years and I count you as a good friend, though we’ve never met in person. At 73, you became much more than just my art tutor. You opened my eyes and gave me a way to express my love and passion to others. I wept as I read about Phil and his passing. I pray for you, your children, and your team. May you know the love and presence of God as you pass through this Valley of tears. Love, Diane
Dear Anna, I am so extremely sorry to hear about the loss of your husband Phil. I cried reading your email and the beautiful dedication tribute you wrote about Phil, as I feel so heartbroken for you and your family. Even though we’ve never met in person, I have been part of your online School for years, and I have felt so deeply inspired by you, your artwork, and the stories you’ve shared of your personal life. It is clear from your lovely stories and photos that Phil was a wonderful, kind, and caring man who positively influenced many people’s lives. I hope you know that many people around the world truly care about you and appreciate everything you and Phil have built together over the years with Nature Studio. You both have helped so many people appreciate nature and life, through your artwork, encouragement, and kindness. Sending so much love to you, Ben and Fern, and your parents, family, and friends.
Dear Anna, thank you for sharing this moment of great sorrow with us.
I’m very touched by what has happened to you, as the same disaster happened to one of my colleagues.
Her husband was the same age as your husband and they had a 2-year-old daughter.
18 years later, we still talk about it regularly. And even though she was strong for her little girl, she’s still fragile and still needs to talk about it.
I send you and your children my deepest sympathy.
Words are so inadequate in these moments but I will try..
Dear Anna
This is truly heartbreaking to read and like others moved me to tears. Life can be so cruel and I am so very sorry this has happened to you and your two beautiful children. To find your soulmate after surviving so much already and to have that taken away during the prime of your lives is truly devastating. My heart goes out to you and I simply can’t imagine the pain. I am moved that you felt able to share such a deeply personal experience. You have written such a beautiful description of Phil. I hope you can feel the love from all those on here. Two beautiful souls who have created two wonderful children and this amazing online art school and community. This school gives so much and I for one would be lost, emotionally and creatively without it. When I joined, I hadn’t expected to connect with art in this way. Now, each time I follow one of your tutorials, I will think of your wonderful Phil. You are so very much in my thoughts..
Dearest Anna, I’m so devastated to hear the loss of your beloved husband Phil and your children’s father. I cannot imagine the grief you are going through but I understand the healing balm of art which will help you through this terrible loss & will give you moments of peace. Sending all my love and prayers to you. Take extra care of yourself.
Dearest Anna, Words cannot express how devastated I felt reading your very sad news. All I can do is send you my love across the miles. Thank you for baring your soul and giving us an insight into the kind of person Phil was and how he enriched the lives of those he touched, he was truly a gift. Thank you to your wonderful support team for keeping Nature Studio afloat throughout such a difficult time. Painting from your tutorials will be even more appreciated now than ever before. I too have always loved the Desiderata, its words of wisdom giving meaning at different stages along the journey of life. May you continue to find strength to keep going forward knowing that Phil will always be by your side. Love and peace be with you Anna.
Dear Anna,
I’m so sorry to hear about the sudden and tragic loss of your husband Phil. What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful husband, father to your children and human being with a such a kind and generous spirit. My prayers are with you for God’s provision of comfort and strength in your grieving and adjustment for you and your children . Although I’m a bit shy in my correspondence I’ve very much admired your beautiful paintings for many years, appreciated your teaching materials and have rejoiced in seeing your growing family and enterprise. Thank you for sharing your gifts with everyone!
Love and Blessings,
Ling
Dear Anna,
I read your email yesterday but felt unable to reply straight away. So devasting. So cruel.
Of course, I’m genuinely sorry that this has happened to you.
You won’t remember me, but back in 2018, I joined your class. A few months later, in January 2019, my beloved husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack while going to the GP to fetch a prescription for ‘reflux’.
Reading your description of Phil’s lovely personality, you could have been describing my husband. He was not only my friend, husband and lover, but my whole life.
I was all alone in Scotland at the time with no family or friends. But I kept on painting and it honestly helped me hugely in those early months. I made a life long friend from your community who has been supportive ever since. So you see how this community helped me.
I moved back to England to be by my daughter and have tried to make a new life.
Do you remember the Heart of Steel sculpture? My daughter kindly donated to BHF to have Malcolm’s name engraved on there. I went to see it in Meadowhall. Such a wonderful thing. I still support my local BHF in a small way with donations to their shop.
I’m a retired MH Nurse and thought I had all the tools, but no. I found a site helpful called sudden.org . This offers help when a loved one dies suddenly. You might like to take a look.
I’m sending you virtual strength and courage and surrounding you with comfort and peace.
Be kind to yourself and go gently 💝
Dear Anna,
I am so sorry to hear of your sudden and sad loss. Sending you and your lovely children my love. I started painting with you when a dear friend recommended your classes shortly after my father died. I had not painted since I was at school, but your tutorials and website have inspired me and I find that using your method I can paint quite well – something I really thought I would never do. Painting has become part of my life and has been such a great comfort during some difficult times.
The words you write at this sad and no doubt traumatic time are just incredibly insightful and wise. You think and feel deeply. Take your time, and take care. x
Dear Anna
Sending my condolences to you and your children.Your written dedication to Phil shows us what an incredible husband and farther he was, hold on tight to the wonderful times you shared and draw strength from them
With love and thanks to you for being the incredible person you are
Val
Anna, I’m so sad to hear this news and send my deepest condolences. What a dear husband you had! I’m grateful for the time and the joy you experienced together.
My experiences with grief have taught me to walk through it a few minutes at a time. I’m thankful you are processing your grief in a healthy way and glad art is a place of retreat and joy.
I pray God will bless you and hold you close. Watch for His tender care of you and the children for this will bring a surprise of delight.
xxx ooo
I feel your loss so strongly and think you have articulated your love and his story eloquently. What you wrote was beautiful, tragic and honours your husband profoundly. I wish I could say I had no idea how you feel, but although no one walks exactly in your shoes I have some related experience.
My husband (my high school sweetheart) passed very much the same way in 2009, when our (first) baby was 4 months old. He was 31.
I actually struggled with art for quite a while. I found my mind struggled to create. I went back to simple things like crafts, things that kept my mind working but didn’t need much thinking. The spark did return after about a year and I returned to painting, with a zeal I never had before. I embraced a new style and a new medium. Art has definitely been a major part of my healing journey. And it’s a wiggly journey that doesn’t end.
Many years down the track and that infant has just turned 16. I have remarried a wonderful man (a police officer as it happens). And I now work as a visual artist, something I only ever dreamed of back then when I worked a day job as a graphic designer.
I know that at times you may hardly be able to imagine how you will ever get to a place where it stops hurting. You will never “get over it” the way many who don’t understand may expect, but I can assure you that you will move forward from the spot where you might currently feel trapped and spinning. Time has that inevitable quality. They come along with you in so many ways. ❤️
Anna, thank you for sharing in your grief. Knowing there are no words to take away your pain, I send love. I have been a member on and off over the past years after hearing about your from a friend and I have passed along Nature Studio. What you & Phil built together has touched many peoples lives and I hope in some way, this community helps to touch your life and provide the support you need.
In love and kindness.
Mary
Hugs beautiful lady! what a treasure you are. I will be making time this holidays to do more with my watercolor
Dear Anna, My sincere condolences on the loss of Phil. My husband passed 25 years ago when I was fairly young. Your blog echoed many of my thoughts and experiences and brought tears to my eyes. The thing I realized through your words is that you are a survivor in the true sense of the word. I too felt it was better to face the pain than to run from it, although it is wrenching. I can tell you the grief and pain change over time. It all finds place in your heart. My very best to you and your two beautiful children. Carry on as Phil would have wanted.
Sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your experience. It’s so important to talk about grief. I think in the UK especially we are a bit embarrassed by it. The words of support on this page are touching to read. I wish you and your family all the best for the days, months and years ahead.
Anna, I am so, so sorry to hear about your beloved Phil. My heart aches for you. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.🙏
Dearest Anna, I can’t begin to express how very sad I was to read your heartbreaking news about Phil. You wrote such a beautiful tribute to him, I just wanted to send you huge hugs and lots of love. Thank you for bringing such joy into my life with your wonderful painting classes, I will always think of you and Phil and the children whenever I’m painting. God bless you, Lots of love xxxxxx
Dear Anna,
My sincere condolences to you and your family.
If you and your children are outdoors looking up at the beautiful stars in the dark sky, you may want to share with them this lovely Eskimo Proverb:
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
With affection, Elisabeth
I was devastated to read your news about Phil passing – it leaves a massive whole when your soul mate goes – I have struggled these past few years since Jeremy died and have lost my confidence to show my art. Recently, I’ve moved house and begun painting in earnest again, it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.. my love and condolences to you and your little family – God bless Tricia
Dear Anna, It was heartbreaking to read of your tragic loss. Thank you for sharing with us this beautiful tribute to your wonderful husband Phil. I hope that the memory of the years you spent with him in love and happiness will, in time, bring you comfort and courage. You and your children, Ben and Fern, are in the thoughts and prayers of your Nature Studio family. Sending you love and strength.
Dear Anna,
I am so, so sorry. What an utterly devastating loss and though I do not know you, or you me, I share your grief. I, too, lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly, and I know the disorientation and disbelief of which you speak. I lost my mother when I was seven years old. Was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a couple of years after my husband died, and all the other things that life brings forth. (I am a bit of a miracle! I reside within the single digit margins of those who survived this brutal disease).
Yes, beauty survives it all. I heard someone speak shortly before my husband died about “putting yourself in the ongoing path of beauty“ as a way of knowing God and preparing for the life to come. That reminder and to “embrace life” has sustained me for these few years. As I would lay in bed being reminded of all of the loss, I would remember to put myself in the path of beauty and I would get out of bed, take my dog to the water, walk, let the demons dance in my head, and take in the light, the air, the beauty, the life that was still abundant.
It still sustains me.
Much love to you, dear stranger, and Pilgrim. May the One who is all love surround you and your babies, hold you tenderly and whisper to you words of comfort and love.
Dearest Anna,
I am completely heartbroken to read of the passing of your dear, dear Phil. What an amazing partner, father and human being he was. I am thrilled to read that you are leaning in to the tears, which I know from personal experience is the only way through losing the love of your life.
You are such an inspiration on so many levels, Anna. I thought your life struggles were amazing before you met Phil. Now, I have even more admiration for you than I did before, if that is even possible.
I wish you and your lovely children all the best. Thank you for putting Phil’s love into our wonderful Nature Studio…
Dear Anna, I am praying many blessings for you and the children, it is very painful to see you going through this, I can feel how much you are hurting, the more you love the more you hurt. I wish I could give you a warm hug. It is a great blessing to have had a person like Phil in your life, even if for a brief time on this earth. We do have the Hope that God gives us of eternal life after death, that we are but resting, like Lazarus, I am waiting for the day Jesus comes to take us to heaven with him where we will be together with all our loved ones. Sending all my love and prayers to God to keep you and the children well and to give you love and strength.
Anna,
How heartbreaking. What a beautiful tribute to an amazing husband, father, and man. I feel for you and your children. I wish you comfort and strength and send you kind thoughts and love.
Michelle
That was a very touching tribute. I know sharing such personal and devastating information had to have been hard. It is a great reminder for us all to cherish the ones we love and be grateful for every day we have.
Oh Anna, I am so very sorry. How blessed you were to have Phil in your life, your tribute to him was wonderful. I wish you great strength as you move through, over, and around your grief.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Anna. Praying for God’s peace as you create a new normal for you and your family.
Dear Anna, I am so very sorry to hear of your heart rending loss. Thank you for sharing in such a brave, humble and loving way your life with your soul mate Phil.
Thank you and Phil for your beautiful art and teachings which have been a source of joy and meaning to me when I was diagnosed with an incurable illness.
You and your beautiful children are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love , Santina
Anna, I am so sorry to hear the news. I will pray for you and your family during these difficult times. I took the time to read your dedication page to Phil so that his memory may live on.
Oh Anna, I am so sad for your and children’s devastating loss.
I am so pleased that you and your children experienced such a wonderful relationship and life with Phil.
I’m wishing you love and strength.
Dear Anna, I would like to express my heartfelt condolences for your loss. Whenever I watch your tutorials, I feel a sense of comfort, as I am always surrounded by your kindness. I realized that this kindness also included Phil’s kindness. He was always watching over Anna with all his heart. It makes my heart burst when I think of Anna’s feelings of losing that support. I can’t imagine the sadness of losing someone who was always there for you, smiling and responding appropriately when you talked to them. I’m sure it must have felt like half of you was dysfunctional. I was reminded that my current happiness is also due to the kind husband who is by my side. I hope that Anna will be able to accumulate a lot of happiness with her children who share Phil’s blood in the future.
Dear Anna
I was shocked and saddened to hear of your loss. Phil was clearly your soulmate, and a wonderful father, who will always be remembered with love. Although I don’t share my watercolour efforts, Nature Studio has made a huge difference to me, in that the confidence inspired by the tracing outlines, the tutorials and all the other well thought out aspects has made me look forward so much to my painting sessions. I will think of Phil and the part he played in creating Nature Studio whenever I sit down to paint.
Loving thoughts
Gill
Dear Anna. I was terribly saddened to hear your devastating news about Phil. I am so sorry – such an immense loss for you and your family. Sending you love and hugs, and thinking of you. Heather from Melbourne, Australia x x
So sorry to hear about your loss, Anna. That is moving tribute to your beloved husband Phil. My heartfelt condolences and love to you and your children. I hope his loving memory and nature painting heals your heart
Dearest Anna, praying for you all in your unspeakable loss.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Dearest Anna
I was shocked and saddened to read about Phil’s passing. What a beautiful tribute to your dearest husband and soulmate.. I send you my deepest sympathy, love and prayers.
Dear Anna, I am so sorry to learn about your sad and terrible loss. You have waded through unimaginable shock and grief and I know that your great talent will sustain and nurture you in the months ahead.
You and your children will comfort and sustain each other and gradually glimmers of light will begin to filter through.
I send you and your lovely family my heartfelt sympathy.
With love, Isabella.
I am so very sorry for your terrible loss Anna💔❤️
It is so hard to deal with trauma and grief and at the same time being there for your children. Sending love and support 🙏❤️
Dear Anna, I can’t imagine what you have been through it is the most challenging devastating and heartbreaking situation anyone could find themselves in, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. You mentioned your art as your way forward and I’m sure it will be along with your amazing and beautiful children. My painting has also helped me through the last 15 months of a rare breast cancer and 33 treatments of chemotherapy alongside surgery and radiotherapy but it hasn’t stopped me following you and painting when I feel well enough. Anna you will get through this as a very positive person and you will know Phil will be so proud of you and the children. All my love Judith xx
Dear Anna,
I am so very sorry to read the news of your husband’s death and I send my sincere condolences. I can’t imagine what you have and are still going through and with a young family too. But your family will also help you through these tough times, as you have to be strong for them.
We found out in May that my husband had severe heart disease, just by chance, (400 is severe heart disease, his was 5330). He has had a triple heart bypass since and is now on the road to recovery. However, he has been told several times that he shouldn’t have been alive. So I could have been in the same shoes as you. Your story has really hit home. I count my lucky stars that I still have him here with me. Please be kind to yourself and keep Phil’s spirit alive for you and especially for your children.
Sending love
Jane xx
Dear Anna – your loss is profound and with no cues to prepare yourself or your family. Thank you for sharing your pain with us. You introduced me to art and my home is filled with your creations that both of you made possible through your work. Nothing can replace Phil but life can still feed you, nourish you and even one day bring you joy again. Above all, choose life!
Anna, my heart is broken for you and your children. Reading your personal story has been devastating, yet strangely in a way, up lifting. It suggests evidence of your love and dedication to both your family and your work. From your words I believe you are a strong woman and will weather this storm. You have my deepest condolences and prayers as you navigate this new reality. I’m sure there will be ups and downs and moments of extreme grief, sadness and even fear but I know you will prevail and will triumph. I too find my art studio a place where I feel comfort and can renew my soul. As artists we are lucky to have a safe haven where we can express sadness and grief. Please know we are all supporting you and lifting you up as you go forward. Believe that Phil is with you every step of the way.
So sorry to hear of the sad loss of your beloved husband Anna. Thinking of you and your family at this terrible sad time . ❤️
Dear Anna, I am so sorry to hear about your husband, I am in tears. Grief is a funny thing it will flow over you and around you it will overwhelm you at unexpected times. My husband died 4 years and it still has an impact, talk about him and remember the funny think things. God Bless.
Dear Anna, very sorry for your loss.
May God give you the strength to tide over this devastating time.
Prayers.
Anna ~ what a lovely tribute to your Phil. I am truly sorry for you & your family’s loss. He was a special man and will be missed forever. Thank you for sharing and for not giving up. Your love & painting will help see you through this difficult journey.
“Living your life as a loveletter” to your dear friend and husband. No greater tribute to a beautiful relationship. I hope you can find your smile again as you remember your many happy memories, and be grateful for the short time you had together. Love to you and your children.
God bless all your hearts… Grief is such a deeply personal journey for all of us, and I appreciate that you have shared your journey (and your love story) with all of us – how very brave. Know that you and your children are being lifted in prayer by so many whose lives you and Phil have touched over the years. I’m reminded of Psalm 34:18. Anna, hold to your faith in one hand (and your heart), your paint brush in the other, and your children in your arms.
Dear Anna, I very much regret the loss of your husband Phil and would like to express my deepest condolences. He left you the legacy of his memory and your wonderful children. You have been through a very difficult experience which you will have to overcome. I wish you perseverance and strength to continue your excellent art school teaching us your wonderful watercolour techniques. You are an inspiration to many of us.
God bless you.
Dear Anna, crying for Phil, for you, for your kids, for your team. Hold on to your Love tightly. Cry for both the pain, and the beauty of all the kinds of Love we humans can give each other here on earth, for it is a taste of heaven; and Love is a beautiful thing.
xo, Jo Ann Merriam
Dear Anna, I want to send you love and support from Colorado during this very difficult and emotional time. I was so shocked and saddened to read about the death of your wonderful husband Phil. You and your children are in my prayers. Sending love to you and your children.
Dear Anna ,
I’m heart sick at hearing this news . My deepest sympathy to you and all your family . I will keep you all in my prayers and your dear Husband as well . God’s Blessings as you heal from such a tremendous loss .
I hope to continue to see your beautiful work on fb . As a former commercial artist from years back , your work continues to inspire me, Thank you !
oh Anna, my heart breaks for you and your beautiful children. This is such devastating news and you’ve shared it with all us in such a loving way and with so much sensitivity. Thank you! The tribute and dedication to your wonderful husband Phil, brought me to tears, yours was truly a love story. It takes so much courage and strength to share something so painful. I am sending you love and heartfelt wishes for peace. You and Phil created a wonderful family, an online school that is precious to so many. I am grateful to be a part of your online school, it has been a saving grace. Desiderata is my favorite poem too and I have it on my nightstand to remind me always, especially on those difficult days, that this is still a beautiful world.
So sorry for your lost…. And yes you have a right to be here.
What beautiful words, it touched every part of my body. I wish you, your family, health, happiness and a safe passage through this journey. Remember always he lives on in you and in your beautiful children.
What terrible. News Anna and so young. I feel so sad for you and your children. And what lovely words you have written about him. Please accept my condolences for you and all your family
My father had a massive heart attack and I miss him so much.He actually passed away while visiting me and my husband while on holiday here in Australia. That happened 41 years ago and I still miss him dearly and unfortunately he never got to see our beautiful daughter who was born 3 months later.
So sorry for your loss! Lots of love for you and your children!
Dear Anna,
Found it had to believe how suddenly life changed for you and your family. I lost my first wife a few years ago, and I know how hard it is to bare. I feel for you all, and pray that you come out of this stronger, and wiser so that you can look after those beautiful children and watch them grow into independent young ladies through your example.
Please accept my condolences on the loss of your special man.
Dear Anna, My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your lovely children. Bless you for expressing so beautifully your relationship with your soulmate Phil. I am so deeply sorry for the painful emotional journey of these past months. May the love and support of your family and friends provide some comfort through the difficult days. It is my belief that Phil is still with you in love and spirit. Wishing you healing and peace.
Dear Anna,
My heartfelt thoughts to you and your young kids. I pray God provides the strength, courage, and love to you as you walk with Phil’s memories. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your experience. My husband is a lot older than Phil, but nearly died two years ago waiting for a heart procedure. His arythmia had been picked up following a consultation with an asthma specialist, but nevertheless due to Covid the wait for an operation was nearly too late. I feel so deeply sorry for you but also very grateful that you have two beautiful children. Thank you also for the JustGiving page – a positive way of helping others.
So sorry to hear about your sad news. Life can be so cruel sometimes. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Hi Anna, I too wish to offer my sympathies…tho many have already expressed so much better than. May I just offer this quote I love and often share by Thomas Cambell.
“to live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
May God bless you and your kids as you continue to live life abundantly with your special
artistic gifts.
Sincerely,
ginger
Dear Anna,
Days have passed since I first saw your email and the words still do not come easily to express how sad I am to hear about your loss. While he may be gone, his spirit remains, and as the clouds pass, and the sun rises, and the seasons change, his abiding love will surround and slowly heal you for the life ahead xx
I am so sorry, Anna. A person who cared so much for people with disabilities and other vulnerabilities is a real loss to a community. Our son has Down syndrome, so I know how his brother must have brought out the best in your husband, from his early days.
My parents passed away a few years ago, and I think the pain of the loss will always be there at some level. It does help to talk with others who have experienced similar losses, and know you are not alone.
Beauty does help heal; there is no doubt about that. Beauty can be found in many places and forms. I think planting things helps, too. The world is always breaking forth into life.
Anna I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your tribute to Phil who was so obviously a loving kind man was beautiful. I wish you and your children much love and best wishes. Life must seem so very hard at the moment but you will have many happy memories that you and your children can share and these are so important. Take care.
Sending you sooo much love and hugs, I cannot imagine how horrific this experience must have been and still is for you and your beautiful children. A loving tribute to your soul mate and I hope you still feel him encouraging you through all the tough times ahead.
Dear Anna, I have no words for your terrible fate, cried with you as I read your words, not able to find some, the first moment and as I write now and think of you my heart feels sad.
From this helpless feeling I send you light, to find new hope again.
Konfuzius says: do not cry for the days that have been lost, smile for the times that have been
Excuse me because I won’t write this un English. My mother tongue si Spanish and my English is not good. I can read it, sometimes with they aid of a dictionary, but it’s very difficult for me to “construct” in English. I would write with the words I know and my vocabulary is poor and limited.
Deseo, por este medio, expresarle mis más sinceras y solidarias condolencias por el fallecimiento de su esposo Phil. Es muy duro perder a nuestros seres queridos, pero ante esa situación, debemos de vivir nuestro luto de la mejor manera que podamos, y luego levantarnos nuevamente y seguir con nuestra vida y nuestras tareas. Nunca los olvidaremos, pero tenemos que dejar que el tiempo ponga un bálsamo de alivio sobre nuestro dolor y eso es lo que nos permitirá seguir adelante. Mucha atención debe de ser prestada a la manera en que sus hijos, aún pequeños, estén asimilando el hecho irreversible de haber perdido a su padre. A veces, ellos no saben cómo canalizar del modo más adecuado el dolor que sienten, y es necesario que usted los ayude con eso. Usted necesitará en ocasiones, ponerse por encima de su propio dolor y atender, supervisar y guiar a sus hijos para que puedan lidiar con el de ellos de la mejor manera posible, porque ellos no poseen aún la madurez suficiente como para dejarles que enfrenten solos esa dura tarea. No digo que sea su caso, pero he conocido de personas que están tan inmersas en su propio dolor que no tienen en cuenta que sus hijos están pasando por una situación similar y que sún no tienen los recursos de los que echamos mano los adultos para manejar nuestro dolor.
Disculpe si me he extendido demasiado en mi comentario, y también que lo haya escrito en Español. Habría sido muy difícil para mí escribir todo esto en Inglés y habría tenido que usar en muchas ocasiones palabras sustitutas que no me habrían dado un mensaje fluido.
Un abrazo solidario para usted, sus hijos y la familia de Phil,
Consuelo Fernández.
Anna,
So very sorry to hear of the loss of your Phil. Seven years ago, I decided to learn watercolor painting and I decided you were the one to teach me. Those classes changed my life and now I know that I also have your Phil to thank for the continued pleasure that painting gives me. Thank you, Anna and Phil.
Liz